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ughhh.... i'm soooo confused right now. for some reason i keep thinking about drew. even tho i like never talk to him anymore i just cant stop. but then there is brandon who i do really like, and he really likes me or at least he says.but he is 19. i know age is nothin but a number but i mean he is 19 he can do so much more. i'm still in school will be for awhile. we will never see each other. and were 5 years apart. it would be better if it was drew i really liked and and if he really liked me cause he is 15. but its whatever. i'm not going to try to make anything happen. i'm jut going to let things happen. its prolly way better that way. i just am really confused and i dont know what to do at all. :(:(:(:(:(

Hello my name is Polina and i guess i decided to folloe throught this thing two years later hahaha i love that every time i check my email there would be new messages every day replying back to my little journall and at first i ignored them but then i started to read the responses and they actually were pretty amazing i almost thought it was a computer writing them! i hope not� at least! Well from 2005 alot has happened i matured alot and i think i actually found my self alot of people tell me i am way to mature for my age but barerly thew people actually know my age since i was born in europe i dont like the states very much they say its a free country but i think its anything but free basically all my friends in europe dont have curfews drinking limits or ids and they are all perfrctly fine and here in the states my friends have all that and they very drunk and stuoid all the time i guess its called a sense of rebelleiust liosm and i used to be like that and i actually changed at a very young age where most people start! and i am very proud of my self!Lets�go back acouple of years when i first posted thid thing i was all about fitting in being popular and shit like that and guess what its not the best thing for you my fresh men year i hated so i transfered into independant studies and out� of nowhere i got all these friends that people in my grade looked up to and they all wanted to be my friends and guess what the people that i used to be wanting to be friends with so bad dint even matter any� more i just loved the friends that i had at the moment but more than half of them became back stabbers all the sudden i realized what it was like to have alot of friends in the states and it was not a good experience!

People are just soo jealouse and i always had to step down let my girl friends have the guy� so there wont be any tention! Now my best friends name is steven and i love to hang� out with him i guess i became thats oc party girl but im more that just that and sometime my friends wonder why i hang out with steven and honestly its because i am sooo sick of o.c�califronia i love right by the beach a block away i have all the friends i ever wanted i get invited to alot of parties and now i barerly go to any of them orange county is fake most of my friends are fake i want to go back to europe i can not stand haning aroung people my age they are wayy to immature and i cant satnd going to stupid parties where every one lives of denial of the future and just parties and does drugs maybe thats why i have a fake or maybe its because where i was born and i thought my self at a very young age how to be responsible

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It's been a little but since the last that I've written. Life is a lot easier right now. I guess that Christy and I are back together for now. I know that it's the wrong thing for me to still be with her, but I am so addicted to her. And yes a little in love too.

She wants to keep sleeping with other people, but be with me. That's going to be hard to get used too. I am always wondering who she is with when I am not around. It's not as bad as not being with her, but it's still pretty hard.

It's only a matter of time before she leaves again, so I had better have fun while I can.

Choice of -gram cracker crust

store bought, homemade, whatever

1/2 c whipping cream

1- 8oz pkg cream cheese

1/2c sugar

2T dark rum or orange juice

1T vanilla

1/4 tsp almont extract

~combine and mix until smooth

pour into crust, chill 3-4 hrs

***********************************************

2 medium peaches, nectarines or any stone fruit thinly sliced

2T lemon juice

1/2c fresh rasperries, blueberries or any other small round berry

1/4c favorite preserves+2 T honey

Arrange sliced fruit on top of chilled cream filling.

Decorate with berries and drizzle mixed preserves on top of everything.

well i know most people have moved alot even schools well i havent but� when i changed schools i hadnt had any friends i had to try and show my real self and even then no� one was my friend i did a whole term without friends suport i even got bullied under the teachers nose but i didnt cry as soon as i got� home because i learned i didnt need friends to be happy i mean i had all of my family friends and at the end of the day i would just tell them how i was so tired of being a reject i� never told my perants they thought i had friends but i didnt. in term 2 i finally got a friend but she turned out to be a person who just wanted to look good finally she made�new friends and said she was just useing me but thats when i thought just to give up. in the middle of term 2 a new girl came and we became bestest of friends� and now that this year has come i changed classes and made a whole bunch of new friends and i learnt to be tought the hard way.� so let me tell everyone who dosent have friends and no one wants to be their friends never give up

good� night to very one