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Chris and I just had a big fight over money. His buzz words that I interpret as blame..."your mother's flooding our basement" "your mother cost us over $10K" "I told you to put a brake on her expenses, that we would not get repaid"

All is true, but looking backwward, I need to focus on the future. I need hope. And a forward looking plan.

I've got TONS of goals for 2009!� My main fitness goal is to lose approximately 40 pounds of fat, re-gain some of the muscle I lost while pregnant, and compete in IDFA's Toronto Classic on July 11 with my best body yet!� I've lost about 35 pounds since I had my baby at the end of August without really trying (a mixture of not having time to eat all day because I'm so busy with him, breastfeeding, and not hanging out at restaurants so much), I've been teaching my dance and exercise classes, walking a lot (it's too hard to get on streetcars with a big stroller), and getting down to the gym a bit, but thus far�my fitness efforts have�been pretty sporadic and lazy in my mind... which is fine - I don't mind that I gave myself a few months to re-adjust my new life as a mom�without throwing myself right back into super- workout-girl-mode as soon as I got home from the hospital.� But, now It think it's time to get crazy!!!� I've set a very reasonable goal of competing in July, so I have 7 months to get ripped!� I'm so excited about getting more serious about my training (and less excited about super clean eating).� Now I just have to decide if I'm going to compete in fitness or figure... Getting� a fitness routine together now that I've been out of the scene for so long may be challenging, but I might try!� I'll keep you posted!� HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Many people feel "differently" about relationships.� I can remember thinking and wanting so badly to be engaged.� It was all that I cared about...just having that ring to prove to everyone that I was more mature and that we were the perfect couple.� My family and friends hassled him..."when's the big day?" they would ask.� Or, I would get SO mad over the dumbest things and blame it on not having the ring.� He would ask, "what�do want�for your birthday?" and my response would�be something of a rude remark with regards to an engagement ring.� It was all about the stupid ring that I thought was so important.� I guess I just wanted to have the ring to have proof of his commitment.� It's easy say, Im committed to you, but harder to give proof of words.�

He is the most amazing person and the most dedicated person in my life and I was letting a "social symbol" get in the way of our relationship.� There is more to the story including the death of his parents within the same year and the fact that we have been together for nearly 7 years.� I was by his side through thick and thin and NEVER questioned leaving or letting a ring get in the way.� I have to say that I got the ring.� He proposed and it was the most beautiful thing, but it has taken me the experience of the entire 7 years to realize that my relationship with my fiance has never been better.� Is it the ring?� Could be, but realizing that I needed to accept myself (without a ring, without him) was the most life changing thought I've ever had.� Now that I am comfortable with myself, engaged or not...ring or not...our relationship has done a complete 180.�

We have always had a good relationship, but looking back now it could have been so much better.� Im thankful that we stuck together and got through some of the hardest times of both of our lives and also we got through some of those petty things that really dont matter at all.� You have to know who you are, before you can start to know who someone else is.� That is where I am at today.� I know me, I understand me, I love me...now that I have gotten "me" taken care of I gladly wear my ring as a symbol of our love and I can focus on our relationship.� Take the time to love him...look at him...really look into his eyes and he him for who he is, not for who you want him to be (or in my case, what you wanted from him).� Life is so much better when who people are in love.�

Ok well my name is Caitlin and I'm in the 7th grade. I don't have a big sis but a big bro. whos not very helpful. *lol* In grades kindergarden thru 4th grade a guy I am completely in love with was at my school and in my grade, too. His name is Alex. I have always had the same feeling when ever i see Alex. Except its gotten a little bit stronger. I start to shake if i see him or i get really really quiet. I have a "friend", Angel, (who I hate) whos mom sits me. Alex and Angel are like best friends but in fifth grade Alex transford. Sometimes Alex comes over Angel's house but all I can do is look at the floor the WHOLE time because im afraid that i will lock eyes with him and he might think im weird. I don't know if he likes me but everytime i say just one little thing to him then i start to shake like crazy! I want him to know but im too shy and im worried about what he would think, if he likes me and his response. Please help me!

*The Kewlest Dork*

We must live , life is too precious to give away.