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I've always been the little girl that hid behind doors growing up from ages 6 to 16. My mother thought she had it all worked out and supposedly met the man of her dreams when I was 6 years old. At first I thought he was a pretty nice guy. As time progressed, I noticed a few changes in my living situation. I was no longer allowed to open the refridgerator to get something to eat. I always had to ask to get a glass of water and go to the bathroom. I didn't really understand why my mom had chose to be with him and never said anything to him about the way he was trying to raise me. I had a younger brother that was deemed the devil child to my moms boyfriend and at 3 years old was getting his butt whooped for something totally stupid and off the record. I tried to keep myself out of trouble, but nothing seemed to work. Me and my brother were just 2 kids growing up in a house of hatred and my mother saw nothing wrong with the picture, at least I dont think she did. I got my butt whooped almost everyday and I always had to sit on my bed and I could never play with my toys. Four years had gone by and my mother decided to marry this quack when I was at school. When I got home she told me she got married and all I could do is look her dead the face and ask "WHY?" She never told me, but then I moved to a different house and things didn't get any better. I was always in trouble as was my brother. When I turned 11, things started to change, I wasn't getting my butt whooped as much but I can't say much for my brother. I was molested beyond repair and I tried to tell my mother, but she didnt seem to believe me. I then, had a wonderful and awesome friend that let me confide in them and I told her everything. She had taken in as much as she could until one night, my brother got into trouble for something totally stupid and got his butt whooped and my mom wasnt home and her "husband" wouldn't stop hitting him, I tried my best to yell at him to stop but that did not work. When I got to school the next day, I told my friend everything and she went with me to the office because she quote "had had enough of this bullsh*t." And that day my life changed, something inside me told me what I had to do. Later on that day, my mother arrived at my school and I had to go to the police station and file a report and record a testimony and everything. Her "husband" was arrested and told to leave the premises. I thought things were going to be better, but they got worse, I got blamed for ruining her life and I didn't feel accepted at home anymore. So, I started looking in to other options for myself, rather than running away because I knew in my heart that I wanted to finish high school. I sat my mother down one day and told her that I wanted to join the National Guard at 17 years old. She signed the papers and I was on my way. Before I left for Basic Training I met a remarkable person and fell in love with him to this day. He is the love of my life and I would do anything for him. I then went to basic training, all the while still dating him, so yes, i have been in a long distance relationship for 3 months. It was hard but I stuck it out. Then I returned to school and completed high school and recieved my diploma. I was very proud of myself. I mean I had my life set and a career and a fresh start for college because the guard paid 100% tuition. I had it made, BUT then something tragic happened, I was ran over by a car and I lost my career due to my leg having a huge hole and myself not being able to complete training, (this happened a year ago), but I'm trying my best to get my leg to its fullest extent of therapy. It will never be like the other leg, but I know that now. I currently just went back to work and am living my life day to day, not taking sh*t from anyone and loving my family and friends that are there for me.� I know this entry may seem way too long, but the title "Growing up is hard to do" is what I am trying to emphasize on.� No matter what happens in life, whether it be growing up in a messed up world like me or growing up without parents and on the street, everybody is different and sometimes it takes longer to "grow up" persay than most. I know it took me 19 years and it'll prolly still take me til I pass to figure out that I never stop learning or growing up, but I may reach a medium. So for all� you bloggers out there, I just wanted to say, hang in there, it'll get worse before it gets better. And if you ever see something wrong with how your friends are being treated, please be there for them. It helps out a tremendous amount and you'll be glad that you did it!

Thank you

Alyssa

Ok the first entry wasent really a entry it was a bio

Today school was pretty ok yeah

13 days till dean gets out�

Omg my brother is being totally stupid�

�at school there is this girl named tahila and me and my Bffs Chloe G and CHloe W

Yeah well anyways me and my bffs play this game its were we drawed a big apartment in dirt with beds and everything and its out secret game and then tahila goes out and tells Hannah,Lannie and somebody else i forgot and they drawed all over our dirt apartment and that was like weeks ago

So today Chloe G [My bff] has been hugging her and talking to her im so angry�

Yeah she is sleeping over on the 17th of october

My teacher said Dumb actually means you cant talk so this dude in my class goes well im dumb and i said Good we wont have to hear your voice again�

Today me and my friends were being stupid at reading time and our old teacher made us paper tiaras and we are like walkin around the classroom and runnign around and chloe G was putting water on the bean bags in the reading corner and we wre doing handwriting and one of the sentences were something about jelly beans and chloe�shouted out I like jellybeans

OK Just so you know for chloe G im just gonna put chloe and for chloe W im going to put chloe W�

and we were on the equipment and there is logs around it and chloe was balancing on them and then she was about to step on this huge lizard so she quickly jumped to the cement balancing thing and she shouted out That scared the F**k out of me and i was like cracking up laughing

Im 9 years old but me and my friends act like we are 15�

and me and chloe get tissues and go outside the room cause it looks like we are blowing our noses but we are actually running up and down the halls and looking out the windows because we are upstairs�

there are workers working at my school they are painting the school and they blocked off the way we usally go up to get upstaits and its funny because me and chloe and chloe W went out the wrong door and we were in the blocked off area and we are like omg how did we get here and we just ran out of the blocked off area

Im going to be a singer when i grow up because i can sing really good yeah and there is a thing were at our school we are having a mini idol like austrilan idol and chloe w auditioned today and she took in chloe with her because ur aloud to take in one friend and i was like waiting getting really bored�i am a really good singer but i cant sing in front of anyone besides my family and chloe�and thats the bad thing about my singing

I am in love Oops i wasent supposed to write that down but aww well

Im like half vegitarian cause i hate sea food and i think its cruel but i like meat�

well i dunno what to wrtie soo bye bye

I love my fans

If i have any?

not to copy gavin degraw but "i'm in love with a girl" or at least i am falling for her.� i mean if this girl isn't perfect she is damn close to it.� the only thing that i don't like about her is that she likes to drink and party and as for me i don't care for either one.�now i know for she she likes to party but i am not to sure about the drinking.� she is beautiful, fit, and smart.� most of all one of her favorite things to do is to play basketball and i love to play basketball, that is a real plus.� now i have noticed her before this air but never have i talked to her and now this year we are actually co-workers while in school.� and because of that we are talking more to each other.� but we did play basketball togather today and we do get along well.

Hello there anyone listening? Anyways� thought that I should put my words on a journal like this so I have benn searching and I found this site. I hope that it will be able to keep all I have to think and anytime I look back at it willremind me of what I wrote.

ok so im trying really trying to get my life together. i need to pay off all my debt get a car and get into school. and oh yeah lose a hundred and eleven lbs. im over weight ive lost 24 lbs but thats just because i moved into an apartment and my body wasnt used to walking up and down 3 flights of stairs to get to and from the third floor...well guess what?! its used to it now! this sucks.

A month ago I woke up and my word came to a shattering hault as i looded upon the face of a breathless 6 month old baby girl.� Once so full of life, and movement, I saw only stillness.� Then came the panic, the fear, the saddness and anger all crashing down one me.� It is so strange, after a flood of almost every single emotion, to not feel any joy at all.� In fact, I cannot fathom joy.� Only pain, and lonliness.

Its been a tiring week, not only physically, but also im emotionally exhausted. Adding up with im finally drained, what im gonna do.. can someday help me to get my self again.

Because they told me that they are about to close the store. Then I accepted their behaviour and decided to seek another store in the same area. Outside was rainy at the moment and I didnt have my umbrella with me. So you think that I got wet? No, surprisingly enough the rain couldnt catch me and make me wet.After too much search I finally found another store and got into it.So the story goes like this.I have� a lot to tell you but now not much space for it on this paper.My computer is running out of space.