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��������� On Tuesday, April 8th, 2008, my grandma passed away. She was in rehab and we all thought that she was getting better. Then over the weekend we found out that she had caught a disease and was in the hospital again. It was called C-def or something like that and it messed with her intestines. Also my parents told me that her pnemonia came back.

�������� Monday night� someone from the family called and said that her blood pressure had dropped dangerously low and they rushed to the hospital. Grandma had hit lows before and i hadn't worried much about her. My parents were there all night so i went to sleep. The next morning my dad called us into their room. My mom told me that my grandma had passed away. Her blood pressure had dropped so low that her heart finally stopped. I have never cried so hard in my entire life.

������ How could this have happened? The last time before she was in the hospital, she looked totally healthy. Our year revolves around her. Every holiday is spent with her. I can't imagine not seeing her up at the lake, or at christmas, or at easter. Next time mom doesn't know what to do she can't call her. Its almost surreal that she's gone. I'm going to miss her so much.

������It feels like someone has clawed at my heart. Just thinking about her makes my heart, and body feel like its being weighed down. I went to school today and i thought of her almost all day. Every one said i was sorry. I have no idea what to do with that. all i said was "i'm fine" and "it's ok". I didn't know what else to do. tomorrow is the wake and friday is the funeral. I have no idea how i'm going to deal. All i can think about is running. Its the one thing that i've done today thats made me feel GOOD. i'll probably run all weekend.

��� What makes it worse is that she hated all of it. I couldn't even go into see her the first month or so. I was scared. I had never seen grandma sick, and seeing her anything but healthy scared me to death. I thought that if i saw her really bad i would never have hope that she would get better. Finally when i saw her i�was not scared, but heartbroken, to see her that way. she deserved better. she was an amazing woman and didn't�deserve how to go through that. I hated how she was weak and� it hurt to see her that way. I might have been happier�if i had more time with her,�and i�would have been more than delighted for her to�not have gone in that�way. Hopefully the lord is treating her the way she deserves. I am going to miss her so much. that phrase is said�so many times, and until�you�have lost something, you never truely know how much�meaning�it really has. �

hai. haha. gud day! just wanted to�tell more about myself. hmmm. just a simple junior student. well, my life isn't too hard coz i have�many friends out there. and�of course i had my family.�.�at this very young age,�many trials and problems has come in my life. problems on friends, family. haha.�but proud to say i overcome it all. well i just do�the things that�can make me forget and overcome it. haha.�...to be continue��

So the other day I was checking my facebook and like an old man was apparently checking out the people on the�flirtable application.� So he like clicked on like the yes button like I am flirtable or whatever and it's like OLD PEOPLE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THESE THINGS!!� That's just like not right...at all.� I've had an old man come up to my mom and I in the gym and told us that we knew how to shake our butts.� He kept on checking us out after that and then my mom gave him a nasty stare and he left us alone.� I really wanted to curse that guy out so bad.� I mean that's just like not cool.� They should go after old ladies with wrinkly skin who they think are hot not my mom and I!� Old people have to realize that once they look all wrinkley and shriveled up that nobody is going to go for them anymore!!

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♥♥Moi♥♥

This weekend I had my friend over and thinking that I wouldn't feel like shit and still I do. This really sucks and I don't know how to get me out of this mess. My heart breaks more and more. I cut my wriste to help with some of the pain that is my heart because I admitte it I fucked up. Everything is my fault I try being nice and calem and it just back fires in my face. I want Joshua Noel Martinez from Yonkers, New York. I just want him I don't care how I get him. I can change for him anything I have to do.

I will even kill myself if he doesn't come back since I am about 7 months with his kid and he know.