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Change. It's an inevitable thing. We have to change in order to grow and learn from mistakes. If not we'd all be making the same mistakes over and over again...like driving around a traffic circle and never making a turn to get out of it. Every once in a while, though, people change for the worst. Or that's how one can view it. Sometimes it's a gradual thing, sometimes sudden. Either way, it's usually left you with a bad taste in your mouth.

It's a bit sad, really, when you once believed in a person and now no longer do. When helping them & supporting them was something you did because you wanted to. You cared to. Now it's something you hardly think about. No energy to help someone who would rather associate with people "higher" up with more "connections." Here you thought they actually cared about you but now it's clear that was false. They cared about the help you were providing...and now that they can get it elsewhere you are no longer needed. You see what type of person they have become... Although, come to think of it. Maybe it's not just them who has changed maybe it's yourself. Maybe you've changed to see who they are, having been a bit jaded before... Wow. How writing thoughts down makes you think. Anyway. It's just a rude awakening when all of the hard work you ever put in (at your own will because you wanted to) seems to have been a waste of time...

I probably would have gone down the same path. Knowing them, helping them perhaps just not as much. At the end of the day, I can rest my head on my pillow and fall fast asleep into dreams of whatever is in my head & heart. I wasn't out to seek anything from anybody, I was (and still am true to myself & other people). I don't expect anything from anybody. I don't use people for my own selfish purposes. It's not who I am. I'm the helper type that tends to get stomped on by those who use others, time and time again. It's something I can't turn off or learn from. I can't change that. But I never forget the behaviors of other people.

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-So reading this back I realize it started out as one thing and ended up another. Still on the same topic but a bit off from one another. But I'm going to keep it this way. Hopefully it's coherent enough to follow along.

�again I cant do this often but here is the latest.. We had a VBIED go off while I was asleep. I wasnt sure at first what happened but grabbed me gear and went to work. We had patients arriving in minutes and there was alot of blood. I was surprised that I was not affected. I was even moresurprised at the people who did lose their minds. for hours we stayed on our feet.. holding pressure.. doing sutures.. bandaging wounds and whatever else was needed. When we released my patients who were locals they wanted pictures with me. thanked me for being so caring.� .. gotto go.. patient came in