SWEET MELISSA

Nov 2009
8:08 AM MST

My heart has so much pain in it....

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Nov 2009
6:32 AM MST

All I can think about is my Dad taking his own life, no matter how much pain he was in with the cancer. It not fair he could at least said good-bye to his own kids. When Uncle Mike told me his dying wish was NOT to contact any of us kids, I was hurt, sad, angry, mad, devastated, lost. He had seen me twice in two years because his wife forbidden it. Why? Why? Is all that keeps going through my mind? Why did he not want to say good-bye? What was wrong with our children that they did not deserve a grandpa? Why wasn't he there for us? Why didn't he tell his wife that we were his kids no matter what, and he was going to be in our lives? Or did he just not want to? Why did he choose to adopt me at two if he didn't plan to full fill the role as a father? Being a father or a Mother is forever or in till death. How could he be a father-grandfather to his wifeâ€™s kids but not his own. I had a man who adopted me at birth, who beat the living hell out of my mom and myself. My mom said the last straw was when he held me to the ceiling at 10months old dropping me to the crib because I was crying while he was beating her. She left that night. My Grandpa became a father to me till dad adopted me. I never gave up hope of meeting my real father (the donor) He was killed when I was 12yrs. old In a motorcycle accident, I was told he hit a 18 wheeler head on (both of them doing about 100 miles per hour) I was happy when dad adopted me, only to lose him 20 years later by his choice not to have anything to do with us kids. Then He decided to take his life with no good-bye, or go to hell, nothing. My mom died in 1992 and now my dad is gone. I never gave up hope he would want us back in his life, But The Fact Are The Fact Now. I am only left with pain and whys, which will never be answered. Maybe he was just selfish. I am so lucky to have my mom's late husband Gregg (dad) & his wife mom (Sharon) Without I don't know what I would do. I think of them as parents and have adopted them as my own. But what my dad did will forever haunt me, I can't help to think maybe that was his plan...

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Oct 2009
11:40 AM MST

Ian sick of the girls fighting, over nothing. one want to be in control while the other wants to prove a point.

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Oct 2009
11:39 AM MST

Colin off today. Colin got out of work really late.

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Oct 2009
11:38 AM MST

Parris, Abigail, and I went to the library. Parris had a show to attend on books. Abigail and I got my books I placed on hold by Patricia Cornwell.Then Abigail took off to find her some books. After Parris class we waited till she found some books to check out. It alway like Christmas when you leave, since you can check out thirty-five books each. We stopped by McDonalds and got Abigail and I a soda. Then took Parris to Starbucks. I called Corina she just got back from her brothers trial. The judge saw he had changed and gave him as little as possible. Thank God!!!

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Jan 2009
3:37 AM MST