Hey baby,
How was your day? Mine was good just bored now.� I like my job but wish I had more time to see you and the kids.� I am so tired of not being able to see you guys like I used to.� I just wish that I would of saved money awhile ago and we could of got a place sooner then me having to live all the way out here.� I hope that I can start driving some more so soon I can get my license so I can come and see you more then I do already.� I also hate working this 12:30 till 9 shit because I can't really do anything because of the shit that I have to come straight home after work because my mom picks me up.� I�get so bored out here and when I am not with you all I do is think about you.� Thinking about you don't help like it does when I see you.�
When Ashley came in today and told me that she saw you on trick or treat and you told her that we weren't together that really did hurt me because I have had that happen to me before but I talked to you about it and atleast it didn't start a fight and that you still are talking to me.��I thought about it before I started flipping out because one I�should be able to believe you over anyone and two if I would of started a fight we wouldn't of talked for�a week because that is normally what happends.� I am just surprised that your ex doesn't come in and say shit like I thought she would.�
well baby I�love you and going to go I will talk to you in a little bit.�
Well today felt like it wasn't sunday and it was one of the days during the week.� first off I had to work at seven thirty and then get off at four.� the only way I can tell that it is sunday is that my mom and lil brother are off.�
I called my boyfriend this morning around tenish and we talked for about ten minutes and then I told him I was going to try and call him on my lunch break and he said okay but he didn't answer.� Then I tried calling him when I�got off of work and he still didn't answer.� So my mom's boyfriend took me driving for a little bit and when I got back I�tried calling again but he didn't want to answer still.� So I had text him did I do something wrong that had pissed you off and he still will not respond to anything.��Whatever knowing it is our one year and four months of being together he don't want to talk to me so I guess I will just try and call him tomorrow morning on my break.��
I am so tired that I�think that I�am going to go to bed about nine tonight. I have been going to bed around ten everynight knowing that I have to get up in the morning to work. The dog slept with me last night and he loved it I hope. When my alarm went off he was licking my face like telling me I need to get the hell up.� So he was my second alarm.�
Well last night after I got off work my manager took me to my boyfriends house and then I�stayed over night with him and had an awesome morning.� I just couldn't sleep last night and I had started rubbing his ***** and ***** and then we ended up doing it.� The only things is I don't want to do it anymore at his house because his roommate has said he has caught us having sex a bunch of times and I don't like the fact that he has seen us and I don't like it so I won't be doing it for awhile till we get our own house.� The only thing that sucked was I left around ten because his mom was picking him up to go do somethings so I didn't get to spend that much time with him.� But I got shoes today and some new work pants.
Well parents went out to the bar and my lil brother went to his girlfriends and then went to his friend's house for the night so I got the house to myself.....oh well except for Baily.� Well I am so stinking bored and its raining outside and its really cold that I don't even want to go outside to smoke a cig.� I hate being by myself and my boyfriend is watching a movie so he won't answer his phone and talk to me.� I have to work in the morning and don't even want to do that. �I am not tired and I am by myself and surfing this damn internet that don't have shit on it to do.� I�am twenty one years old and I don't do much like the whole partying i don't do that shit so I have a boring life.� I never thought my life would get this way but it is and I hate it.� So all I am doing is listening to music and typing and waiting for someone to get on to chat with.
There are points in my life that I just want to end it. �I hate certain people who have made it so terrible and scarey for me to live in this world.� I just thought that I wouldn't ever have to deal with this and now I am. �Ever since I moved back home I have been thinking about this a whole lot more and I don't think that I am going to keep this going too much longer.� If things don't change soon I am going to do it because all I do is work and sleep and deal with being bored all the time and can't even get up and go somewhere.� I hate being bored, I hate that I feel like this. �I never thought that this would be the way I felt.��I am missing out on so much and I can't stand it either.� No one knows how I am feeling and I keep telling this one person how I am feeling and they don't believe me and tell me just to relax and its not that damn easy.� That person is suppose to be there for me and try and talk to me and not just tell me to relax and then end the conversation.� I hate the way that I look, I hate the way I feel, I just wish that I wouldn't wake up tomorrow and maybe people would really get the way that I actually felt.� No one wants to listen to me and no one really wants to be around me and I hate it.� I�always been a loser and always will.� I�know that everything that has ever been said about me is true. I�hope I don't wake up tomorrow.�
I�had a good night and a good day.� First off last night I had stayed at my boyfreinds house and we had watched Holloween the one that Rob Zombie had directed. Then we went to bed about twelve thirty and woke up about nine thirty.� I went over to get myself some breakfast and then came back to his house and started cleaning.� The kids were and so was my boyfriend.� The kids were so happy that I had stayed last night.� I�am glad that I was able to stay and have fun with him and the kids today. �Two oclock came really fast though.� Then i went and hung out with my mom for a little bit while her car was getting an oil change.� then we came back home and I have been home since about three thirty.�
I work tomorrow from seven in the morning till three thirty in the after noon. then I will probably go and see my boyfriend for a little bit and then come home and get some rest for the next day.� My work schedual is so crazy that I dont get to see the kids that much so I was happy that he let me stay with him last night.�
November 20th I have to go to court against my ex-boyfriend.� He had thrown a coffee can that was filled with ashes, spit, cig butts, and whatever else at my face and left a mark and then I couldn't get him out of the house and I went on the porch and these other people went in my house and got him out and then the cops were called.� The thing that upset me the most is it was an occurance that he was hitting me and I�didn't turn him in because he scared me and I was also in love I thought.� Now that he is in jail they are finally doing something about it.� This had happend back in 2007.� I wish my boyfriend now could go with me but he can't because its at 3:15 and his kids get out of school at 3:30 so he ain't going to be able to go with me and I�am not going to be able to do this by myself.�
I am just so damn bored with this town anymore.� Plus living out at my mom's house is boring too.� I have to work tomorrow but not until three in the after noon until nine in the evening.� I asked my boyfriend if I could come in before work and hang out with him but he said "and you b all wat and sick 4 work i do not know call in am we talk love u good night".� If I walk in early and hang out and then walk to work it won't be that big of deal because I am going to be well rested and work ain't that far away from his house. But whatever if he don't want to see me that is fine.� maybe even my mom's boyfriend will take me out driving tomorrow before work.� I am just so sick and tired of not doing a damn thing anymore. �I am so used to being around my boyfriend and people that I can chill with not my mom and not my brother and not the stinking dog.� Like I don't mind any of them but being with them all the time and hanging out at the house all the time just gets old and boring all the time.� All I ever do anymore is play around on the internet and watch television and after awhile all that shit gets so fucking boring�
Well this morning I�got up at like 7 a.m and then I got a shower and let the dog out to go to the bathroom. �I got dressed and got ready to go into town, but the thing is I had to walk so it takes me an hour or so to walk in and then when I finally got there I hung out with my boyfriend and then we got it on and then we went out to eat and then we walked back to his house and I left from there.� But after we were done getting it on I went to the bathroom and he is bringing me my cell phone because it was ringing and I look at the number and I thought I knew who it was but wasn't sure and next thing you know I answer the phone and the guy on the other end says is this Ashley�************ and I said yeah he said "my name is officer ********* and I have papers here that you are going to have to go to court against ******�***** and I was like okay and I don't know if I want to go or not but he says I have to go and I am scared of this person and this person has kind of ruined my trust in men because he had hurt me.�
Today was a good day finally.� I started my new job at shurfine and it was decent.�I�did a lot today and now I�have off tomorrow.� After work I had went and saw my boyfriend and his kids but mainly him because his kids were cleaning their room and weren't allowed out until it was done knwoing they were coming out and bothering both of us and getting yelled at the whole entire time I was there and is still probably getting yelled at right now.�Surprisingly their mother finally got a job but it is only seasonal until the holidays are done and over with. But she is so stupid she called him up and asked him to buy her lunch.� He said hell no.� I got some today and it felt great.� I�think that I�am going to get ready here and go to bed.�
Today was an okay day.� First off I worked 7-330 today in the deli.� Second I had a break at 9:15 amd my boyfriend came over for it and hung out with me while I took my ciggarett break.� Third the customer service girl calls back to the deli and asks if I would come up and help on cash register but I couldn't because there was only two of us and I�couldn't leave one person back there to do everything else by herself because there was no help.��I am sorry people called off but that ain't my fault I already had picked up a shift today so they could go to the picnic with their family. Knowing everyone is pissed off that he got his way once again. But I thought it would be good for me because it gave me more hours and more money.� But whatever I helped and did a good job and I am going to call the Nell's people and have them call and ask for Robin she said that she would give me a good referance.� The other people in there are asshole and don't want to give me anything.� They were going to give me some hours but my bakery manager threw a hissy Fit about it and they took it away from me. �I thought it would be great to get hours before I leave because then I will still have decent money till I get paid from Nells if I get the job.�Well then I had lunch and I went to Franks and sat with him for a little bit.� Two of his kids got in trouble at church today that they had to be brought home.� The other one was brought home when the rest of the kids were brought home in the alley way.� Then I went back to work and finished my day out and it wasn't a bad day.� I�wish I had�a eight hour day every day it is great and I love it.� I felt like I�was at home working I knew everything and its not like I had to ask what to do.� My mom picked me up at three thirty and we came home I got a shower and then ate dinner and now on the internet.�
I won't see frank till tuesday after work.� But that don't matter to me because he has a lot of shit he is going to be doing tomorrow and my mom wants me to cook dinner tomorrow and that means putting it in the oven early so its done for when her and her boyfriend get home for the night tomorrow.� So I have to be here and watch the food cook.� Him and I�will talk a lot tomorrow probably when he is taking a break from doing his shit.� I miss living with him though. We were living together for awhile till one night there was a big fight and he kicked me out and just said we can't live together right now till things get straightend out.� His kids asked to stay out here and I told them no becuase I had to work today and my mom said they could maybe but he said no because then they are going to beg to go down to their grandmas house because she lives down the street and has all their toys there and he doesn't want anything to happen with that.�
First off today started out with me getting up around seven o'clock in the morning. �Then my boyfriend had called me and told me he had to go with his brother to harrisburg to fix something on his mom's property that she owns and the tennet wanted fixed.� Then my mom took me to an interview for a fourty hour job and then she brought me home.��I hung out here with the dog for a little bit and then my boyfriend calls and says that his brother dropped him off at home and went a different way so I wasn't getting picked up. �I got pissed off and told him that I was walking into town so I could see him and then my mom would pick me up.� We went to KFC to eat because I had been hungry and then we went back to his house. �We were sitting there waiting for time to go and pick up the kids. �He went and picked up the kids while I sat there and waited for them. �They get back and the boy doesn't even notice that I was there and that made me upset I felt like he don't even care for me anymore. Since I moved out to my mom's house the kids don't even recognize me when I am there. �Like they know who I�am but they don't talk to me much I don't think they want to get close to me because they think that I am abandoning them just like their mother did.� I�tell them every time that I talk to them that the only reason I am out here living is because I am trying to save money and get my own place so I can move them in or just get money so when he gets a place I can move in. �Also I�got my permit since I have been out here and I might be getting a full time job also and that would be better for everyone.�
I told my boyfriend today that I am going to be real nervous with the kids in the car for the first couple of times I have them in when I�do get my license or even when they are riding out to see my family on my permit.� I�am just scared but my boyfriend said everything will be okay eventually it will just take time with them in the car. Its kind of wierd doing something with him new its not right I�feel. �But everybody has to learn something new.� Hopefully soon my mom takes me out to drive because yea I have only had my permit a couple of days its not going to help if I�don't get behind the wheel and try.� Practice makes perfect as they always say.�
Well tonight is finally becoming a wrap for me since I�have to work in the morning.��I am doing one load of laundry so I atleast have a work uniform for tomorrow. �I always wait till the damn last minute.� I hate when I do that but it seems to be always for me ever since I was able to start doing things on my own.� I don't know I�am going to tell my managers tomorrow that i have been looking for a full time job and if they fire me over it then oh well I am going to get them back so bad that is not the thing to do.��I�can collect unemployment real quick.� I will use 30 hours if I can just to piss them off since that is what they used to give me most of the time.�
Oh my I am so bored I wish that I lived in town still I would just be leaving my boyfriends house to go home and get ready for work and I wouldn't have to get up early and go into work because of riding a bike.��
Thank god I am home for the night. �I had to ride the bike to do all the things that I�had to do and it killed me. �I am hurting so bad and can't wait to go to bed.� I just don't want to go to bed so early.� I�have to though get up at like four thirty in the morning so I�can get ready for work and leave by five so I know that I�am safely getting in there.� Well oh well thats what i have to do just to get back and forth to work in the morning till i get my license.� Well�I�have to work from six to 12 and then i am going to see frank for an hour and then i am going to come home for the night.� I don't know but I can't do this ride until i get used to it.� But I will get it down.� Got to run.
I am so tired.� But its because I had a good day.� First off today started out with me getting up at like 7:00 to call and wake up my grandmother and she ended up calling me and telling me that she was already awake.� Then my mom and I went and took my brother to school because he missed the bus.� Then we came home got ready to go and take my gram to her doctor's appointment. After that we went to eat at this place called John's Hideaway.�It was good. Then my mom dropped me off at my boyfriends house and I woke him up.� His friend was over and I was cleaning the kitchen.� Then his friend leaves and I was still cleaning the kitchen and I hear this Ashley come here.� So I turn around and there he is sitting on the chair with his pants off and around his ankels and he said just come here.� So then we started kissing and then we moved to the couch.� Oh my god did he put it to me good.��He was pulling my hair and giving it to me just the way I like it.� I wish we could just do this all day everyday but he has kids so its kind of hard to. I have to try and get to his house before the kids get out of school or I don't get and that is the shittiest part of the deal. �But atleast I got today because its been like a week or so since we have had it.� But atleast that isn't all we look for in each other.� I�love him so much.� I�love how he talks to me when he is down and I am able to talk to him when I am down. �He cheers me up when I am crying by cracking a joke or just doing somthing to make me smile.� I hate not being with him.� We don't get to spend much time together since I am living with my mother again.� Though I can say since my last relationship that wasn't that great because of the beatings I can say he has made my life a whole of a lot better.� We have our fights here and there but you know if you don't have a fight or everything is just so perfect then something is wrong and�I don't understand them.� I think though that I need to stop jumping to conclusions and just take my relationship to the fullest because he said if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't be with me. �He got his three kids to worry about then worrying about what I am going to pull next.� I don't try to say anything wrong because I am afraid that its going to start a fight and I don't want that.� I have a friend suppose to be coming over but I will believe it when I see it.�
Today was a long day. First off I didn't get home till about ten o'clock last night from going out to eat with my family.� Then when I�finally got to bed it was almost eleven thirty.� Then I had to be up for work and at work by six this morning.��Thank god that I was only working till twelve but it was still the point that I had to get up and go to work.� Then after that I went over to my boyfriends house and I hung out with him till like an�half hour ago then my mother came and got me because now I am living with her to be able to save up money.� So now I am home and I am beat. �I cleaned my room and i got a shower because my moom's boyfriends bringing some friends home from the club he is in soon.� Well I�am going to bounce for now.�
Oh my god today was a long ass day. I had to babysit my boyfriends kids today while he helped my mom, her boyfriend, brother and gram move all my grams stuff out of the house today.� I hated�that my family didn't do much and he did majority of it.� I think that it is kind of wrong and that they should of done more. �They didn't get back to his house to pick me up till like 6:45p.m and they left at like 12:15p.m.� He did so much that he felt like they didn't do anything themselves.� It is now almost eight o'clock and we are getting ready to go and eat dinner and then i have to come home and get a shower and then i have to get to bed because i have to work tomorrow morning at six.� Thank god though that my mom is going to be taking me in because i am not going to want to get up early and ride my bike in to work.� see i got my permit yesterday and i can't start driving till i get the paper because of the fact that i don't have my birth cirtificate and we can't find that anywhere and my step mom is going to bring it in for me.� but she can't bring it in till tuesday she has a copy of it.� Well soon i will be driving and i am done with my family.� got to go everyone is ready.
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