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There we go, I've suspended it until December 31st 2010. I'm aparantly gonna be away for that long but not really. I'm awesome.

!TS B@D ENUF ! H@VE MY OWN F@M!LY @G@!NST ME BUT 2 H@VE D@ 1 ! TRULY LOVE AND C@RE @BOUT DOUBT!NG MY LOVE 4 H!M !S D@ WORST FEEL!NG ! CULD FEEL R!TE NOW. KIND OF CR@ZY 2 S@Y BUT ! R@THER WORK OUT TH!NGS W!T D@ 1 ! LOVE DEN 2 KEEP ON TRY!NG 2 PLE@SSE D@ 1'S D@T RE@LLY DNT C@RE. !T HURTS ME 2 TELL H!M ! LOVE H!M BUT ! CNT RE@LLY PROVE !T CUZ ! CNT RE@LLY C H!M ND !T HURTS ME 2 HE@R H!M OR EVEN C H!M UNH@PPY. HE JUS DNT KNW ! WULD DO N E TH!NG 2 M@KE H!M H@PPY ND 2 SHOW H!M ! RE@LLY LOVE H!M SO HE C@N STOP DOUBTING ME EVRYT!ME ! DNT REMEMBER 2 S@Y ! LOVE U OR ! DNT C@L ON T!ME OR ! DNT @NSWER ON T!ME. !TS NOT L!KE ! 4GET 2 S@Y ! JUS @!NT GOT COMFORT@BLE W!T S@Y!N !T YET CUZ ! DNT W@NN@ OVER USE !T OR USE !T @ D@ WRONG T!ME ND !T M@KES H!M EXPLODE OR GET UPSET. !DK ! GUESS !M JUS SC@RED OF GETT!N 2 CLOSE W!T SUM1 @G@!N BUT ! FEEL D@T D!S !S D!FFERENT ND ! W@NN@ KEEP BEL!EVE!NG !T. BUT ! F!N@LLY RE@L!ZED D@T !TS NOT @ CURSE D@T KEEPS H@PP!NESS 4RM B3!N MY FR!END...!TS MY F@M!LY ND D@TS FUCKD WEN PPL JUS H@VE HELL EVRY ONCE !N @WH!LE OR ON CERT@!N D@YS BUT NOT ME ! H@VE HELL EVERYD@Y ND D@TS !F !M NOT ON D@ PHNE W!T MY LOVE. MY LOVE !S @M@Z!NG HE M@KES ME FEEL L!KE ! H@VE LESS WORR!ES. D@TS Y ! LOVE MY LOVE.

I sit here wondering how life is going to be next year. There's a new school, with all new people, I'm not sure how I'm going to do. This year, everyone changed. There are a lot of people that now have fake personalities, and talk about me behind my back, just like they do to everyone else. It hurts, cause I was best friends with all these people last year. I don't know what's going to happen next year, but I sure hope things get better. I've tried hurting myself a couple of times, but luckily I have some good friends who stopped me, and I'm not very good coping with pain. Then there's dance..I'm a competition dancer. But, it's not as great as it sounds. A lot of the dancers don't like me, it's my first year as a competitive dancer, I'm sorry I'm not perfect. There's a pool party today, so I better get ready for that. I'm so sick of babysitting my sister everyday of my summer, and it's only the first week. Lovely.

I am such an emotional wreck. I have fallen for this guy and this guy doesn't know that I exist as a member of the female gender. I�long to have his arms wrapped around me, or to nuzzle my cheeks in his chest. Geez! At forty, I act like a teenager before this guy

I had an MRI of my knee this morning in an attempt to diagnose what has been wrong with it ever since it buckled on me while I was in pursuit of my son a month ago.� Being claustrophobic, it was a less than pleasurable 40 minutes, and I can only hope that it does indeed reveal something is wrong with my knee.

Of course, I do not like the prospect of needing any surgery to repair what damage I may have caused, especially with the looming visit to the orthopedic surgeon about my hips.

All of these leg problems before our approaching trips to Chicago in July and Walt Disney World in September could not have come at a worse moment.� The worst that could come to pass is that I may require a wheelchair to get around on both vacations, and at my age, I do not like this idea very much.� It certainly does not sit well with my ego, who still believes me to be around the young and tender age of 20 (and in reasonably good health).

Alas, all that I can do now is wait and see.