I am the most prettiest girl in the world. I am very Unique. And Powerful. My true love is Austin Banton. I love butterflies, angels, and spider pig...the thing i think is the best is, my best friends, Trista, Psycho Kitty (AngelOfDarkness), and my family. If you read this, thank you.
, AngelEyes
I've resisted the idea of journaling for quite awhile now. I've resisted the advice of two therapists and many self-help books, all of which have urged me to journal. However,the idea of journaling hasalways been intimidating to me. There's something so permanent about puttingmy thoughts down on paper. Laying everything out in black and white for examination. It seems so much safer,to keep the thoughts swimming through my brain. I suppose, it saves me from having toaccept the truths about my life that I'd much rather ignore.
Like everyone, there are things about myself that make me unhappy. I suppose I've been operatingby the saying "ignorance is bliss"...but it isn't. It isn't blissful, because I'm not truly ignorant of my own faults and shortcomings. They are always there...just inside my peripheral vision...nagging me...eating away at the world that I try to create for myself, within myself.
This isn't easy for me. The process of unravelingmy life to examine who I am and how I became this person. But it is a necessary process for me at this point, because I'm not happy with this person. I feeldiscontent. I'm uneasy. Uncomfortable. Unsatisfied.
I think all of these feelings are necessary to precipitate change, so instead of trying to bury them deep, deep inside of me, as I have in the past, I'm going to try to let them surface. Explore them. Follow them to their core. I imagine the process to be similar to peeling an onion; not only in the fact that there will be many layers to peel away, but that the process will likely bring tears.
I know that I have buried much sadness inside my body. I think there are many reasons for the sadness. Many of those reasons have been too painful for me to acknowledge or cope with in a healthy way.
I sometimes feel the sadness start to well up inside of me. At first the feeling is small and begins deep within my chest, but grows with a force that causes me to panic. I feel that I will get lost in the sadness if I allow it to fully surface...that I will drowned in it. So, I use all of my strength to push it back down and lock it away, not sure of where it dwells in the deep, dark crevasses ofmy body,when it lays dormant, waiting for its next opportunity to charge the gates that I have erected to protect myself. But it senses my weakness...my exhaustion...my confusion.
I don't want to spend my life fighting against the sadness, but I'm unsure of how to let it flow through me without destroying me. Can I experience the sadness in a way that will allow me to come out the other side whole? Can I not only survive the experience, but use it to gain strength?
These are questions to which I have no answers. But, I will find them...in time. This will serve as my reminder when I feel that I have made no progress. I will come back to this, my first journal entry, to retrace my steps and find my path again.
Have your parents ever gave you that lecture about how TV kills your brain cells? Yeah I know how you feel mine to! Well i think that they have nothing better to do than keep telling us that over and over and over and over again!Doesn't it get on your knerves? Mine too! Well maybe they should just get a life instead of messing with ours. I know sometimes(most of the time)they are just trying to help, but maybe they should just give it a rest. Well i g2g ttyl!!!
yours truely,
SissyB94
So I have a question that I would love some help answering. At what age to you start to feel like an adult???I am 23 years old soon to be 24 and I feel like im stuck at 16, or let me rephrase that, like i have made no progress since i was 16. Granted I have a good job and have learned a lot along the way. I feel like in no way, shape or form, am I ready to be and adult. I have seriously been contemplating moving out of my parents house lately. I'm so torn. If I leave what do I do. Get a small place and live alone, Get a roomate someone that I know, or move in a random situation with random people and figure it out as i go, or stay at home and save money to buy some property. To be honest, the independence may be good for me it may be a good life lesson to be completely alone. I moved out for about 3 years..... moved into college and then in with an ex bf but it didn't exactly work out so im afraid to go through it again. I went shopping with my mom today and as we went to the register to pay and she pulled out her credit card i thought "how could i do this without my mom". I'm freakingnot a little kid though so of course I can, I think im having preventative seperation anxiety?
idk just thinking aloud.
If anyone cares to respond I could use the advice
quit my job and start my journey in discovering life as a freelance interpreter, aide-worker and missionary worker. alas i have bills to pay now. life.
I'm trying to start keeping up w/what I eat. My headaches are still problematic and my tummy issues are worse. I've been reading up on IBS (diagnosed at like 15), and for that and headaches it is strongly recommended that you keep a food journal so you can determine what possible food triggers you have.
For today - Well, it's Christmas Eve, so I've eaten horribly bad stuff. I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, but I ate sugar cookies and a mini cupcake before 1 pm. I at about 1/4 of a sandwich and some chips and 2 Dr. Peppers.
It's a wonder I'm not passed out yet. My head hurts already. I had some allergy issues so I took Dayquil and we are about to head to my inlaws' house....it'll only get worse!!!!
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To be happy with life, be happy with oneself, to love is a risk, �if taken just know, �how ever it turns out , You will be okay.
Expectations are future resentments, and we all have our flaws, just hold on, believe and trust in your soul.� Not everyone will think the same or act the same in any situation, respect the difference in others, yet love them for whom they are.
Life is short, keep it simple, don't over look, read, or complicate what is in the big picture just a delusion in this reality of life that we all share.
Here are all katties accounts ...
#1 : Edailydiary.com : Kattie9954/sunflower
#2 : Yahoo(s) :
Chocaholic9954/99549963
Gurlsxrulex3/123123123
#3 : Aim(s) :
Chocaholic9954/99549963 ... ???
#4 : Youtube : xoxkattiexox9954/99549963 ... ???
#5 : Google : kattie9954/99549963
#6 : Myspace
gurlxxrulex3@yahoo.com/99549963kk
I'm sitting here by myself in the hotel room. Steven is downstairs working on some project downstairs in the lobby. Leaving me to be myself, im left alone with nothing else but my thoughts and feelings.
While, i'm glad to be going home back to sunny san diego (even tho i hear that its raining) i dont want to leave. I've found myself feeling so god damn comfortable. Sleeping next to him, waking up next to him- being in his arms. He makes love to me and i can do nothing but look into his eyes. I like.. no, i love the way he looks at me when he's inside me. our eyes connect and its just something special. Well, it is to me- i dont know what he thinks. He tells me i'm beautiful or how fucking hot I am. But you know men- for all i know, i could seriously just be being used for sex. It's nothing new to me- used and abused. Sometimes I wished I didnt feel. Just be able to enjoy the feeling, without having those feelings of wanting something more. Something deeper... i can't help it. i wear my fragile heart on my sleeve. I expect so much - i wish i expected NOTHING. Take it for what it is- day by day. But no.. i'm fucked up. i hurt myself.. for absolutely nothing. There's nothing for me to feel sad for. i should only be feeling happiness.. i really should. But its not like that. not at all. its that clock ticking inside of me. Wanting to know.. wished he would tell me how he felt. I can believe i even let my feelings known, and he doesnt really say anything.... not that he has to - probably haw nothing to say. Probably feels nothing- to that extend. Just enjoys my company- enjoys my body. nothing more nothing less. can't ask him- cuz he wont really answer..... i already know.
I'm watching him work across the table from him. His eyes so intense... i love his jaw line, so defined. glasses on, glasses off- he's so sexy. I really can't stand it.
It really is my fault. I'm just attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to me when i all i want is their love. Or they are the men who show their love in ways that are unknown to me. He's already admitted he's not the romantic type of guy- and here i am, ms. hopeless romantic... mismatch in heaven? Do i just learn how to deal? I guess i have no other choice.
why is it that whenever something good happens in your life something has to�go bad?WELL IT HAPPENED TO ME AGAIN!!! when soemthing in ur life goes horribly long u want to tell someone well here it goes. this boy jake ive been tellin u bout, Jake, well we were becoming really really good friends but then missy came in tellin him i like him and ruined it all im never forgiving her im never forgiving him and i need all the help i can get to get over it....
This Diary Entry will be finished now... worked on later i will make this public� comment if youd like
BUT IF U TELL ANYONE OF THIS THAT I KNO OF BC U GO TO MY SCHOOL YOULL BE HACKED!!!
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