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My feelings are blank..

There's so much I want to say to so many people but I can't... ok maybe only two people and technicall I could�tell them but I don't want to I don't want to have to face these people and try to tell them what needs to be told... I miss them and feel bad for leaving but should I say that I am better off now that I was before, should I mention that I feel like a stupid naive little school girl around them or should I not disclose any of the discomfort I felt and just tell them a half-truth... Too many options and too many�reasons that I should�just say nothing at all...

Basically the reason for those above thoughts is that a few weeks ago... or was it a few months ago.. I can't be sure really because time flies and sometimes it seems like�I can never catch up but anyway I used to be part of a group apropriately self-named the FQ's (flirt queens). They flirted with anyone the could get their hands on and for fifteen year old virgins they were pretty experienced/knowledgable. Ok so my di scription is a little Over The Top.. they wouldn't flirt with everyone but they were still big time flirts and I'm not saying I'm unknowledgable in that field but around them I felt like a naive little (primary) school girl. So they were informally known the FQ's but I wasn't.. I was a misfit in their group of belt short skirts and extremely low cut tops. I was ignored and felt mildly exiled so I left because the reason that I had joined that group in the first place was because I was running from the last group I was in where�I was replaced�by my�best friend (emily)�for another girl called Amy. But when�I left I went back to that old group with Amy and Emily. You have no idea how great it was... I felt like I belonged again.. Finally...

Besides in my new group I have other things to worry about; the rise of Amanda the two-faced backstabbing bitch who I hate for so many reasons I can't list them all here, the newly inseperable 'best friends forever' bond between Amy and Ashlea (they pretty much rub it in everyone's face) that is hurting Emily while also pissing me off and Amy's obsession with a band called Mcfly which makes it ten million times harder to talk to her because the only topic she will willingly discuss is how awesome/hot/fantasticly talented/great/sexy all members of Mcfly are. Her topics are becoming repetative and I don't know how much more I can take of her blabbing about interviews with them, how funny they are and how she wants them to strip for her.

Another mind bothering thing is 'P' why she is named this is uncertain but it was a secret kept between Amy, Amanda and Ashlea (the three A's). With the power of my sea mokeys (i.e brain cells) and my awesome eavesdropping skills I was able to determin that P was either Myself or Kate and I was quite sure it was Kate untill everyone started telling me that it wasn't me which brought up the saying "tho doth prtest too much". I now know for sure that it is P because Emily confronted Amanda with y evidence and found out that P like I had originally thought was Kate. But I am not allowed to speak a word of it to anyone which is lameee. But I shall disclose the facts and obvious reasons why I believed P was Kate...

Reasons Why 'P' was Kate or Me

• The first clue I had which lead me to cross emily off the list of suspected P persons was that Amy wanted to tell her who P was... Implying that she wasn't P because you wouldn't want to tell someone you were obviously bitching about that you were bitching about them..
• The second clue that made me narrow down the list was that P as someone Emily and I were really close too and thats why we weren't allowed to be told. I didn't really narrow at this point but it did help me later on.
• The Third clue was that P was "s+s(squared)=a (which amy lated told amanda that s=sad and a= attention)� this meant that P was sad and they interpreted it as attention seeking.Which was when�I narrowed the list to Kate and I for we had both been rather depressed, Kate more that I for a reason that should stay forgotten ot in the past (although its not sometihng you can just forget). I confronted Amy about it but she denied that Kate or myself was P.
• The fourth clue came at the bus stop when Amanda confessed (to Amy)�that she wasn't sure if she wanted to go to the city for Emily's birthday bash thingo�Amy replied "Noo you have to come and save me from the�wrath of P" there were only 6 people going including�Emily and Myself and three of those people (A,A&A) already knew who p was�confirming that P was Me, emily or Kate and since�Emily had been evicted from the list previously �that just further confirmed the Me or Kate Factor. (during this time I had been told 3 times by all three members that P was not me)
• The fifth clue came in the group when Amy told Ashlea that Mcfly had a song written my the member Tom that was quote made for them to sing to P unquote. Amy and Ashlea then proceded to listen to the song which was playing on Amy's Ipod and Amy pointedly sung out a lyric "You're black on the inside" which then lead me to tell this to emily and emily to google the lyric and the other information about it. Emily then sent me the link to the lyrics and what we/I read suited their opinion of Kate to a tee.
• The sixth clue wasn't really a clue but the conformation of my thoughts as i told emily all of these things and she then without my knowing confronted Amanda who gave ing a told her that it was Kate..

Thats all for now in tha amazing life of me...

love to all those who deserve it but none for people that�I for minimal reasons�hate *cough*Amanda*cough* lets just say that my feelings for her relate to the lyrics of the song "I never liked you" by the rouge traders in particular the line "I never liked you even when�I tried to" because I did actually have a period of time where i went out of my way to try and like her and not be so hating of her but nomatter how much I tried I could never bring myself to like her and if I started to she would do something that made me hate her all over again... well EFF HER.

Asta La Pasta, My dear online diary for you are my saviour and seemingly only person I can discuss all of these things with except emily who I can discuss all of these topics with excluding the Amanda topic because she hearts amanda like everyone else in the group does..

XoXo Sarah