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merrill 74, Female, Oregon, USA - 1,469 views

20

Jul 2008
11:26 AM PST

wow 12/17/06 during a scary time so back on the journal i am now married i am also going into retirement i also have bought a condo with my new husband my daughter and i speak frequently my son and i never talk although i send him cards although i sent him an e card and he did not open it i will get back to speaking to you later what frightens me is becoming destitute

uns3ttl3d 37, Female, New York, USA - 25,188 views

17

Mar 2007
7:34 AM EDT

i dont know what it is with me but i feel alone and scared. my parents are giving me a hard time for not wanting to go to join a gym or something. i havent even been home for 24 hours and theyre already giving me so much shit. i cant tkake it and my head feels like it wants to explode. i spent most of this morning having coffee and cigarettes outsie in the subzero temperature because i wanted to numb myself- literally -from thinking and worrying and now all this thinkin and worrying is getting to me. so i eventually came back and huddled my stuffed animal by the corner of the wall looking at an art book staring at a picture of monterey bay. i felt like i was going to pass out. i havent eaten yet today and i dont really feel like eating anything. im too emotionally stressed out. its just so hard for me to get up and do things and when people force me to just do it i feel like i want to kill myself. i just need help and i need it now. and help isnt coming. i think i should ask my parents for the psychologists number but then again they probably wont give it to me because they, as it has been for the past several years, want me to try other alternatives to helping myself. obviously exercise alone isnt going to get rid of my problems. along with acupuncture. along with herb medicine. along with church. along with books i cant even finish. along with trying new things. going new places. my inner devil will always catch up with me wherever i go and i am simply sick of it. what good has self medication done me so far?? i'm halfway in the process of getting lung cancer, i pushed away all the friends i ever had, i cant wake up in the morning without wanting to scream and cry. i've become so self centered that i cant even help those around me who need it (my brother who is now gone), i quit school because i couldnt think straight or function, i have dug myself so deep down this hole and i cant get myself to let alone even stand up or try to get a shovel to dig myself out just with exercise. why are they so blind? why dont they understand me? they dont. not to the least bit. and i am alone. alone in this world. alone in my thoughts. the mind can be a lonely place. i can feel the sting in my eyes because if i dont sit down and write/type it out i cant think in cohesive phrases. i will just get lot and frustrated even more than i already am and its just hell all over again. i cant take it. i cant take it. i cant take it. my head feels like it wants to explode. i am drowning in a pool of hopelessness and nobody around me knows how to swim. they all just sit on the sidelines and see me frolic and flail just as i have for the past 6 years and do absolutely nothing about it. some try, and they end up giving up because i am hopeless. i cant even stand up most of the time, how can thye expect me to walk? or let alone even run? the world i live in is a fast faced pace and everything is a fucking race. a fucking marathon. and i am a cripple (im speaking metaphorically but you get my point...or do you???) i am just tripping and falling and i cant get up. i need help. and my parents aren't a nurturing environment for the problems that i have. i dont even understand most of why i am the way i am. maybe i should just shut up and deal and get by day to day without thinking. thats what i did for the first half of last semester. but the inner devil caught up with me. it made me do stupid things. it made my suppressed bad thoughts 10 million times louder and now i can't tell whats real and whats not. i mean this emotionally and mentally. i can still decipher the real world, im not crazy just yet, but i get so lost in my own thoughts and i cant run away from me because i will always catch up. maybe im just insecure. maybe im just a loser. mayube im just a failure. maybe i dont deserve anything in this world. maybe i should just shut up. but i cant. the only way i can get myself to shut up is if i kill myself but that would be a last resort. i am so stupid. nothing in my life ive done is worth honoring. ive made some terrible mistakes and i never cease to embarass myself when i try to fit in or open up to others. i am thoroughly ashamed of my existence. and i am not worthy of being worried about by others...which i am not.. only my parents care about me and they dont know how to help me. i dont really have any real friends. only the people that i left behind in my old hometown and back at college that i cease to keep contact with anymore. why? because there is nothing to talk about. i am a boring person. i cease to bring forth anything to the table. i wish to change myself but i somehow cant because i lack the will and incentive. perhaps i do ahve incentive but i dont know who i am anymore if i ever did in the first place and lots of what i say or think or do repeats itself and gets worse every time i do it. god. i cant take it. i just want to be happy and have a normal worry free life. i know this isnt achieveable because life istn easy and i am too weak to do anything right...or do anything at all. so i will just sit here and rant on the computer to no one but myself and it really isnt doing much.

1 comment(s) - 04:52 PM - 05/10/2008

pickettm 29, Female, Florida, USA - 2,417 views

19

Jan 2007
7:07 AM AKST

sup hi come look

strawberry92 32, Female, Texas, USA - 2,770 views

15

Dec 2006
6:55 AM EDT

HEY! MY NAME iS JENNiFER...iM 14 YRZ 0LD...i BARELY F0UND THiS SiTE BY SEARCHiN THR0UGH YAH00 iN MY BCiS CLASS....YEA i GUESS Y0U C0ULD SAY i D0 GET B0RED BUT 0H WELL...L0LZ! WELL i HAVENT HAD NE THiNG MAJ0R HAPPEN T0 ME...YET! BUT WEN i GET THE CHANCE iLL WRiTE iT ALL D0WN S0 Y0U CAN READ.

2 comment(s) - 03:23 PM - 12/19/2006

Destini 33, Female, Finland - 2,137 views

14

Dec 2006
9:08 AM EDT

Honestly, i wanted somebody to read my thoughts etc. I love english, so like to write 2. But i got many mistakes, yep! But about my day ~ I was so drunk at Saturday - night. But it wasn't useless! I almost got in a fight. One girl almost hit me. But luckily nothing happened. She was trying to attack me or something. She was so weird! I didn't do nothing to her. And then me and my friend went to some car (We recognized the driver later) But then he tried something. He's got venereal disease! Gross! But luckily (again) nothing happened! I was lucky in that night.. I lost the control for a while. But i think that i'm always okay. What happens, i'll get through it. But i haven't felt death close yet. That's gonna be rough for me! And when comes the day i'll also know what that feels. I'm sometimes very out-of-control when i'm drunk! But i guess i still got something in my mind. And i know what i'm doing. Not everytime.. ;> But i think i know what i do even if i'm drunk. My life has been very messy. This fall has been chaotic! Feelings go up and down. Usually down. But there are some high tops too! But it's not enough. I have biology-test tomorrow! I gotta go reading. Right now i'm listenin Nelly Furtado! She rox. 'Say it right' and 'All good things (come to and end)' So this was my first entry. See ya! Leave me comments ;>>

1 comment(s) - 04:29 PM - 05/10/2007

tiffanybaldwin 47, Female, Idaho, USA - 1,675 views

20

Feb 2007
10:38 AM EDT

HELLO!! Been a few days so I thought I would write down my feelings. Things are good. I've been fighting some BAD migranes lately .. but today is a good day. Mack is in school. Mike is at work. I am cleaning the house and baby is growing and kicking like crazy. Great Feeling. Well... gonna get some more cleaning done. I will write again soon.

chelseasmith36 55, Female, Illinois, USA - 3,905 views

03

Sep 2009
6:29 AM CST

So Kinsey wanted to sit in the middle of the backseat of our Lexus RX- black car. She was excited to sit next to Channing who was on the far left near the window. Zach is iniatially upset but finds a way to make his position more appealing. He says well Channing and I are next to windows and we can look out! Kinsey gets upset now because she is questioning her choice now, to calm her down, Daddy said that he is going to lock the windows. Zach then quickly thinks of another pro, well Channing and I are sitting behind someone, you are not. Cold but very creative, who would of thought of that....???

Tags: Middle seat

itsjustme 45, Female, Texas, USA - 33,805 views

04

Aug 2008
9:35 AM CST

Ever wish you could go in rewind and have do-overs?

Tags: regret

3 comment(s) - 11:44 AM - 08/23/2008

aaaaaa 35, Male, Nevada, USA - 3,106 views

14

Dec 2006
7:55 PM EDT

If you are what you eat i could be you by morning From the grim asventures of billy and mandy

oktokie 42, Female, Singapore - 1,900 views

15

Dec 2006
1:15 PM GMT

i'm feeling sick today..urrghh haven spoken to james for 3 days.Yep i do miss him the most. Maybe i'm beginning to have strong feelings towards him. Shooiitt! i can't have this feeling darn.. i hate to admit that. When i start to like someone, im gonna be addicted to him. Pat? hmmm he's always busy wif his uni. He seems to have lots of secrets that his not telling me!! Hurts me when i'll be the one who found out about him.. geezz Honestly i don't miss him that much though he's away for a week. Even if he's here, he acts like he's not here.. whats the point?? hmm maybe i should end this.... maybe... i dunoe n im terribly confused :S help me someone??

Kristix3 43, Male, Pennsylvania, USA - 1,712 views

15

Dec 2006
5:40 AM EDT

Hey people, whats up? well i mite start writing in this if i get bored, so life most def sucks big time. i had the best dream about justin last night and it was great. i really wish that he would possibly ask me out again, cuz he was the real first boy i loved. but oh well thats never going to happen, well ill write more later. ps. i love you.

graclielu2008 35, Female, Missouri, USA - 1,793 views

15

Dec 2006
10:07 AM EDT

I am so exited that today i went up to my school at 10:00 am and went to a class and took a test to see if i qualify to be in there and i passed with flying colors! and im in!!! and i will graduate and walk and everything! i am so happy! even though i dont think my sister is because now i am graduating with her but thats ok i promise not to take away her shine! i just want my high school deploma! yay! im so excited! woohoo!!!!! this is so big to me because my whole life i have been put down about school and now i am finally getting somewhere! i am so so so so so happy!!!i cant wait to tell my boyfriend and all of my friends! love always, amanda wallis!

man 34, Male, California, USA - 3,609 views

15

Dec 2006
10:46 AM EDT

on october 18th i passed my test to get my permit. i was so glad and so were my parents.know i can drive with anybody who has a liscens.on april 18th i take my test behind the wheel for my liscence, i cant wait.

ten 33, Male, California, USA - 4,197 views

15

Dec 2006
10:51 AM EDT

i am so happy because christmas is coming. i already now want i'm geting. i'm geting a play station 3 for christmas. my brother and i would be playing all day when i get it. so i hope i get money cloths and shoes. i will be not mad if i dont get my play station 3. i might go out of state because i might visist my grandma in Ohio. she been living out there for 12 years. that why i love christmas because i could get anything i want.

greg 33, Male, California, USA - 13,668 views

19

Jan 2007
4:51 AM PDT

I HAVE A FRIEND NAMED SABRINA AND SHES SITTING NEXT TO ME AND SHE JUST SAID SHES MY FRIEND YYEEEESSSSS IM SO COOL LOL

RYU 18, Male, California, USA - 6,713 views

15

Dec 2006
3:39 AM PST

FUCK CHRISTIAN

slug 32, Male, California, USA - 1,969 views

21

Dec 2006
3:24 AM PST

Next week when it's Christmas i am going go to just go to sleep. When i wake up i am just gonna open my presents and just see what i got and just be thankful for what i got for Christmas from my family. And when that day is over and we move to the next day my family and i are just going to stay home or might just go to my uncles house.

kal13 32, Male, California, USA - 2,757 views

15

Dec 2006
3:25 AM PST

BLASH

1 comment(s) - 01:28 PM - 12/15/2006

crystalhernandez 36, Female, California, USA - 1,702 views

21

Dec 2006
12:07 PM EDT

to be nice to each others because you never know what another person is going through or what kind of day they are having. everyone should respect each other and get along.

2 comment(s) - 02:11 PM - 12/21/2006

bryan3003 36, Male, California, USA - 1,991 views

15

Dec 2006
7:48 AM PDT

I LOVE DONIELLL!!!!!!!!! SO FREAKIN MUCH!!! i would just b lost without her

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