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Dearr Journal, 1268

Ayoo:] I have so much to tell you well i like this kid Griffin and he's like unbelieveably hot and i mean like he's the hottest thing i've ever saw. My friends tell me he looks at me when i enter the lunchroom but, that's just a look nothing else. Well, in one of my classes which is called Great Books. We were assigned a powerpoint project. The bad thing was the teacher picked the partners. My friends Taylor was with Drew[not so bad] and my other friend Nikki was with Jason which was really bad. But, I was paired with Griffin and that killed me. I was soo scared i couldnt believe it. And we would have to work the whole week together and his friends are in that class and they look at me like im some....loser:[ But im not im so cool to be around with. The only disadvantage i have about myself is my shyness. My shyness sucks im so shy. But once you get to know me i'll make ur heart jump like it was on cocaine. LMFAO:] At the end of the week we were supposed to finisht he powerpoint and present it to the class. Well, this retarded kid[no offense] Herodis started singing and dancing. He got the teacher so pissed off it wasnt even funny. So, we all had to write essays about respect which was REALLY GAY. Then, Friday we didnt present our projects cause we wre writing essays omggg my luckk:].Well, later on friday i saw a movie called Cloverfield. People told me it was stupid but when i saw it it was madd scary it was ohh mann..! I screamed so loud and i hid myself in my friends jacket. LOL thats how scared i was. I can see any scary movie unless it has zombies or ghosts im cool. My favorite scary movie is Disturbia:] xoxo. Totally love that movie like whoahh. I saw that movie with my friends and than Taylor was so scared that she had to go to the bathroom and wait another 15 minutes until the movie finished. I personally love scary movies. My friend Jessica is terrified of them but hey i dont blame her i would want people to respect my fear ya know im sayin'? Lol well todays Saturday and in a few minutes im gonna go to my friends house to hangg:] Yeahh:. Well ill write in yu tomorrow

xoxo Briana:]

im writting on another journal now...theres no more use of you....

I'll see you later

never writing on you again

Yesterday I went to Matt's grandma'a house. I got there about 3:15, which is pretty early for me. I got a ride form a woman named Nicole who asked me if I need a ride. She was very nice, I won't forget it.

When I got there, I let myself in (which, at first I hestiated because I wan't sure if it was right, but remembered Matt telling me not to worry.

When I walked in, I took off the sweater I was wearing and jacket and my walking pants. I wan't sure on what to do because I didn't know if Matt was slready naked and under the covers. I walked to his room and saw him on the bed (with clothes on) sleeping on the covers. The TV was on and I didn't really know how he could sleep with it on. I debated with myself if I should kiss him awake, crawl up by him, or just let him wake up on his own. I decied to let him wake up, so I sat on the floor and I noticed I could text him and see if he would wake up. I went back to the door where my coat was and got my phone. I texted him that I was here and watched him as his phone went off. He let our a moan and moved a little bit, but he fell right back to aleep.

Well, I lied down on the floor right next to the bed and watched Star Trek Voyager. It wasn't that bad. Then the house phone rang and I kind of jumped. I was hoping Matt would answer but he slept through it LOL. Right after the house phone, his cell phone rang and I felt the bed move as he answered it. Someone must have asked if I got there yet and he said no I didn't. I gently touched his leg from the floor and said I was here. He got a little surprised as he changed his answer.

Well, if you can decipher this message, you must leave a comment and tell me what the following says:

Snoitalutargnoc,uoy evah dekrow tuo tahw siht egassem snaem. Morf won no, uoy nac rehpiced tahw eht gniwollof segassem yas. Yeht lliw eb Ho-Ig-Uy kced stsil. Yats denut.

Eyb

I started classes at Ivy Tech in Kokomo this previous Monday. I think I'm going to do okay in the classes that I picked out. They're seem like they're pretty easy (for me at least). I have a few updates in my life this new year.

When I got up with my fiance Saturday morning at 4:30 to get him off to work and after he left I heard my mother talking in the bedroom with someone. About 20 minutes later she comes out to the living room and asks me what time I have to work today and I replied at 1:30 to 10. She told me that my brother would have to take me to work then because she has to go to the hospital. And I'm like What?! My grandfather had gotten up at 4 Saturday morning to go to the bathroom. He stood up out of bed and had a major headache, so he layed back down. Then, he poked my Grandma Louise in the side and asked her to go get him some Tylenol for his headache. She brought back Bayer Asprin instead. He then went to the bathroom with the aid of holding onto things on the way. He started coming back to the bedroom and he got halfway there and couldn't go any farther. So, he layed down on the couch in the living room. That's where he stayed until the Ambulance came. They took tests at Marion General Hospital, and it showed that he had a brain bleed. So, they lifelined him to Methodist Hospital (Clariton Health) in Indianapolis. I ended up calling off work and going to the hospital with my mom and the rest of my family. He is staying at the Critical Care Unit at Methodist Hospital until further notice. He is doing a lot better since his surgery at 2:00 yesterday afternoon. Hopefully he will be returning home here shortly.

Other news is...I am now engaged to a man (Zachary Scott Ollis) that I love, so desperately and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with. He is so great to me. He may not be a total complete Christian, but he is working on it. The great thing about that is is that he will help me with my walk with the Lord, but in the same great way I will also be helping him.

Well. SO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPEND! since the last time ive been on here...that boy i was talkin to last..we dated..he was more than just a normal boy && i figured that out not in a well way. im not even too sure what happend still to this day..the middle of summer happend. he found a hotter girl..who didnt want him like i wanted him. but thats his mistake. in a way i felt like i made some BIG mistakes with him..i didnt know how to handle this 19 year old male who wants sex all the time. but i remember that night hanging out with him ..when he cut it off between us, as in dating. he tried to be so casual with it but i knew what that ass was going for. "this is our last night together so lets fuck" thats not the way he said it but thats how i heard it. but after him..i tried to be more cautious but theres been a few boys ive made out with..thats it..since him. he was my last serious deal. i need another one. its been too long && im not one to usually say that. but all these boys that i made out with...were for the wrong reason. i was using them for money, weed, drugs, alcohol...ya know the deal. i hooked up with 2 dealers..&& i got the deal...but wouldnt ever want a relationship with them. my mom would kill me if she found out i was datin the 20 year old mexican mafia dealer...the other one being 22...the 20 year old was sweet though...&& i might've but it wouldve been something on the low. my sisters couldnt even know. but then he disappeared the lene tex && like other mexican mafia drug dealers..they had warrants out the ass && couldnt get caught, so he said he was going out of town && he would be back but he never was. i would get random phone calls from him && we would talk forever..id let him know everything goin down in town..the business && what not.

but im falling apart...gaining weight which doesnt make sense..i guess because im not in sports anymore. i wanna live those days we were living last year at this time. i cant take this reminiscing anymore! it drives me nuts. i dont even party that much anymore..if u call sitting at your house drinkin with a few folks partyin then i am but thats not what i consider partying in my eyes. ive become a drug dealer in most peoples eyes. just get that little quick && make money && smoke for free. i feel as if school is going down drain too..but the grades dont show it. im making it. attendance shows it though..i cant help it! ugh! i cant write about my life anymore.