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I know its not good...and I said I wasnt going to drink anymore.. But..

Everything with the wedding is stressing me out. My hair is falling out.. My Father is showing his selfish, baby pain in the ass side again..I have a million people to pay BEFORE the wedding and I still have my monthly bills to pay.

Lets not forget.. the beautiful amber glow of the check engine light in my car! haha...Sometimes ya gotta laugh I guess.

Things could ALWAYS be worse!

I'm sure there are people all over the world wishing they had it as bad as I do right know

I'm completely aware of that.. I'm just venting.. Venting online so that I don't say something I'll regret to folks I actually have to interact with daily.

I'm off to have a few of those little bottles of white zinfandel that are left over from my sisters wedding!

Nitey

LOVE! Love is sacred. Love is something you shouldn't see or feel until ur older like.......high school age like as in like 17,18. NOT when ur in the 8th grade with a TOTAL jerk!!!! When ur young ur in puppy love NOT REAL love!!! Also i dont think ur in love when u hve been 2gether 4 like 3 weeks inaint happin sister sue! LOve is meaningfull,luv is adoring,luv is always forgiving.

Luv

Luv is cute

Luv is pleasing

Luv is satisfying

Luv is ALwAys being there 4 one in other

But are u in love??

so okay i have been talking a lot about bout this guy named jeff daniels i said i liked him when i really dont i just said i liked him to have some1 to like so i don't like any1 right now but i do want a boyfriend because i c all these gurls with boyfriends at like track meets when i am with no1 i want a guy who will let me were his jacket kuz all my other boyfriends just grabbed me by the waste but i want him to tell me he loves me just out of the blue and always kiss me i mean i'm not ugly or fat i am just i dont really no y i just like shy guys who wont asks a gurl out

lookin 4 luv

♥kitkat♥

ps melanie and cameron have been spaending way to much time with eachother its really weird

You see, today is starting to be a good day today. First I just got my leave requested so I can go home for amonth starting May 20th. And second of all, I got off of work early today which makes me very happy. The only thing that ticks me off is that Pizza Hut has the phone off the hook again and is not taking orders for the next two hours. I hate it when the do that kind of shit. Oh well...other than that, I'm cool. Talk to you later. PEACE!!!

Hey it's alyssa and its 3:42 and today went out okay i didn't go to school today cuz i didn't feel good but still.I kept thinking about this boy named Hosa and i really like him and he likes me but i kept thinking about him and he's always on mind and whenever i am with him i am happy becuz he makes me happy. Don't u just love love and one thing that i hate about home is my mom all she cares about is her never me or my brother and i wish her and my dad were still together o ya my dad i luv my dad hes cool i luv him so much i meen i luv my mom too but she doesn't exsept it woll got to go!

I get snappy at people sometimes, b/c now i get aggravated and agitated easily. that's not nice. im normally a nice person. i have given up on "love". who would want me?? Alex didnt... and he supposedly loved me for a while there. no one would want a stupid depressed ugly crybaby. i want to change so bad. i just dont know how, or what to do. i need help... seriously. but i probably cant get proffessional help until 3 more months, when i turn 18. i dont know what to do.

[[Im not writing about what they say to above this... i want to write about what I want to... i need to get things off my chest]]

i hate my life. absolutely no one likes me at school, cuz im "different" and my parents are a bunch of jackasses who dont care about me. i absolutley hate it. i know i have so many options (religion) and i take them all, but nothing seems to be working. i just dont know what to do anymore. i hate my life!! absolutely hate it!! by the time i go to bed im in tears. yeah, i know i have it off a lot better than most people in the world, but that doesn't mean i'm enjoying it. sure i have a lot of fancy stuff, but i dont want it! its useless if you dont have the right morale behind it. usually my parents get me stuff to shut me up. i cant wait till i get out of this hell hole. id gladly trade my world for one of those poeple in africa who really deserve this kind of life (the luxeries, not the people in it). i dont think its fair that i have this "luxurious" life while they're in kenya suffering. i'm not even grateful for my "wonderful" life. i am greatful for the stuff, but not for the people, id trade it all away if i could. if i could just get out of these walls. this prison cell. i hate it. i might as well kill myself, besides, im thinking of going goth, then my parents would kill me for me. ugh! just make all the pain and suffering go away in the world, then work on my problem! UGH!!! i dont know what to do anymore. my parents are making me do all this stuff i dont want to do and they dont care. typical. i wonder why im surprised. JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!! i absolutely hate this! but i feel guilty feeling bad for myself because there are people way worse than i. AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! i want to just run away, just run away and keep running. i hate everyone in my life. i have no friends, no loving family, just a whole bunch of stuff i didnt even want. i wonder why im so upset. i guess its because i have no love in my life, just an endless closet with prep clothes, (NOT A PREP!!) toys for todlers that my parents wont let me give away to a family that actually deserves it, and all this other shit that i dont deserve or want. i just want it all to go away, the people, the things,this life, just for it all to suddenly dissapear. I WISH I COULD DRIVE!!! then i go far away from here. so very far away. *sigh* i hate my parents and the people at my school and every one around me. they never did anything for me, yet they expect me to do stuff for them like they were my best friends in the whole wide world. just make it go away. JUST MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!!!! im sorry i droned on like this, i really shouldnt be feeling sorry for myself like this. its not worth anyones time, just like me.