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    Jocelyn  54, Female, Taiwan - 13 entries
26
Jun 2007
4:49 PM EDT
   

The last two days before the summer vacation begins, I only feel more depressed. The thinking of flying to San Jose makes me quiver. Chill down to the spine. And why's that? Well, it's full of unknown, and unpreditible and terrifying what's possibly to happen....don't know. OK, to be honest, I don't want to meet with them, that's all. sighs....
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    heartbreak2007  36, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 27 entries
26
Jun 2007
3:43 PM EDT
   

Hey what's p? Not too much here just chilling up in my friends house. Well um......I am back with my boyfriend and he has a week to get his shit together or he is out and I am done because I have till August to find a place and come up with money to get my own place.
Ash
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2 comment(s) - 10:32 PM - 06/26/2007
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    mj  60, Female, Indiana, USA - 2 entries
21
Jun 2007
5:28 PM EDT
   

I am tired but, must go on. I remail strong only for the wonderful gift God has given to me. My daughter... What a beautiful gift. I look forward to home schooling her this next year no matter what the challenges are a head.

More tomorrow
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    thoughts  44, Female, North Carolina, USA - 2 entries
21
Jun 2007
1:38 PM EDT
   

gotta get me together
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    HAPPYPHANTOM1978  46, Male, Ohio, USA - First entry!
21
Jun 2007
12:45 PM EST
   

I dont really know what to do with myself anymore. I try to be strong, I try to think positive, and carry on with some semblance of a daily routine. It just doesnt work. I miss Adam SO much, that I cant even carry on a normal daily regimine. I try to sleep as long, and as much as I possibly can...even then, what sleep I do get is littered with dreams/nightmares that just make me more depressed when I wake. I really dont understand how I got to where I am today. When Adam and I met, we just clicked. I dont know how to explain it, or how to really put it into words. Im not some naive kid who is just going through a bad breakup. I've been in relationships that have lasted over 7 years, and walked away unattached. With Adam, I honestly believe I found my soulmate. He completed me in so many ways, and I the same for him. It was like the missing piece of my heart and soul was finally intact...life couldn't get any better. Dont get me wrong, there are problems in every relationship...and we had our fair share early on. We made it over and through every obstacle though. Adam just deals with problems in completely the wrong way. He runs, he hides, he lies. I know he loves me with all his heart, and only wants to be with me...I really dont doubt that at all. I know he suffers from depression, and an extremely low self-esteem. He thinks his family doesnt love him, and everything he does is wrong. I've tried to be there for him, in every way I possibly can. I've stood beside him through all of his trials, i've fought for him, and carried him when he was weak. He has told me time and time again that I am the only thing that makes him happy in life, that when hes with me everything else doesnt matter...all focus is on me. Yet, when he freaks out and gets really depressed, im the first thing he pushes away. He says he makes too many mistakes. I just dont understand anything he does. I dont blame him for everything...I honestly think he needs help. He wont get it though, he claims he can handle the problem on his own. We havent really talked for almost 2 weeks...the last time we talked he told me that we would never see eachother, or talk to eachother again. That he was done, and moving on. He has said this all before, and he came back all by himself. I dont really take to heart anything he says, although I admit that it hurts me deeply to hear him say these things. I would give my life for this boy any day, without thought or hesitation. He really is the key to my happiness. Everyone says that he doesn't deserve me...that I could do better. I cant move on even if I wanted to, its just not that easy. I can safely say that if he doesnt come back, I will never be with anyone else...or truly be happy again. This sounds rough, but I know its true. I may learn to cope better, and have some semblance of life...but there will always be a sadness in my soul, and a piece of my being missing. Some days, I honestly wish I could just disappear. That I could erase my mind. The pain and hurt is honestly more than I can even describe. Its just a horrible sick feeling that never goes away. My heart tells me he will be back, but it still hurts. Every day, I have to surround myself with people...or I go crazy. I pace the room, I cry, I make myself sick. Its a horrible existance. I dont really think he thinks its as bad as it really is. I've been leaving him alone. I dont try to call him, or text him. Im hoping he will realize soon what hes doing. I wish I could just hug him...calm him down, and let him know that everything is going to be alright. Until then, I'll wait...
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    starlightluv  33, Female, Washington, USA - 2 entries
21
Jun 2007
2:33 AM PDT
   

OK SO MANY PROBLEMS OUT THERE THESE DAYS!

wat is lyfe cumin ta? i mean for real. so many people r havin family trubles n its kinda sad. between father daughter/son or mother daughter/son maybe even family on u! i mean really! y?! my friends dad has been married 5 timesshe has had her real mom for a bout2 mnths then they got a divorcehe then married 3 otherchicks in the past 13 years then got a divorce with all three now she is on her 4th step mom and her lyfe is tore up she is 14 and everyhing is her fault she causes all the stress at home i mean come on sheis 14 but acts 18! she is so mature and trys to help EVERYONE but really its not possible! causeevry thin shetryies at home itswrong. her dad told her to justmove out, step mom said she is a piece ofcrap, and step lil sister told her she is good for nothing but cleaning soy notjust move out oh wait she dont wanther to move out cause then she will have to helpclean and they will lose thier slave! wat wud u do if your lil 9year old step sister told you that! that your thier slave! i wud personally flip theshoes on a whale off! i mean for real! then other problems with people moms or dad i mean really so manyteens and kids and who ever else are havingso many problems withparents its sad!wat is going on in the environment for this too happne????
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    CarlyJade  38, Female, Oklahoma, USA - 7 entries
20
Jun 2007
6:16 AM CST
   

So last tuesday night Jessica and I decided to go out and have a few drinks! It was around 9:30. We walked all the way down to El Tigre and saw that nobody was there. So we decided to walk beck to Tiki, when he got there they had shut down for the night. so we decided to see if Tres wanted to go out with us, so we wakl back to the dorm, and couldnt find him. Then we ran into Ricardo. He was like i want to come with you girls. So we said sure, we talked to him in the court yard, and he couldnt decide which way to waer his hat. His english isnt all that good so..When he put his cap on backwards he said "I looka likea Badbad Boy!" it was to funny. So he goes up and changes and we run into Diego. We were talking to him and we told him that he is just to cute and he to doesnt have the good of english skills and he told us " I ama hot stuff" again frickin funny! So we walk back to El Tigre with Ricardo. The waiters rip jessica and I off and a cute guy actually wanted to dance with me. So it was an alright night.

Then Last thursday i went out with Emily, Eric, Emily´s roomate and Jessica...
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    JJizzle80  44, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 2 entries
19
Jun 2007
5:41 AM EDT
   

Ha that's a funny question to ask me. What I expect from others I do not bother because no one ever gives me anything I expect from them. Like I expect my mother to respect me and let me raise my own kid but she does just the opposite. Sure she's nice to have around for when I go to school so she can babysit when no one else could. That's about the only thing I need her for. But yesterday I was playing with my kid and I was holding him on top of my head cuz he was playing with my hair and giggling and he decided to take a turn on me and hit his face on the hard part of the couch which is the arm rest. She blew up at me and told me she was calling Social Service because all I do is hurt him. What it's not o.k. to get hurt once in a while everyone does from time to time. She acts like he can't get hurt. I blew back up at her and I was like well at least I don't go and get married and not invite you and she comes back and says well at least I didn't fuck some guy who doesn't give a two shits about you. Then I come back and say well damn I'm moving out and she tried to say I wasn't going to take him with me but I was like you are not his mother you can't tell me where he can go and not go I will take him where ever I want to and you can't stop me. Then I kicked the stroller at her because I was so frustrated and it was the only thing in my way and said I hate you to her I fucking hate you. Then I was like you can not do this to me and I'm not going to let you .... You don't treat Annette this way. Then I pounded on the wall with both hands and stompped upstairs and threw the fan in my room. I'm 26 years old I do know how to raise my kid even though she I don't and I'm sick of her trying to have all the control and I'm sick of her using social service shit against me just because he got hurt accidently. I need a friend to talk to about this because I'm stuck in a situation where I can't really leave because I don't have enough money to move out on my own which was why I was staying at home. I don't even have a car of my own I need that to get around. I don't care if it means forking over all my checks to rent, electric, phone, internet and water I dont know if thats included or what not but if that's what it's going to take then I've got to do it to get away from her. I can't live with her when she treats me like a 14 year old. I've got to stand my ground.
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    Nobuta  35, Female, Nevada, USA - First entry!
19
Jun 2007
12:36 AM EDT
   

So summer vacations started. At first they were good. I was going out very often. Hanging out here and there with friends. But now, about 10 days later, or maybe less, everything is going downhill. So fast ! I've been staying home lately, and very bored. But I guess I should talk about "today" (I mean, it is about 1:18 AM right now). I woke up hoping that something would happen today. Hoping to go out and finally fix my hair and wear make-up after about 3 days of not going out (and yes, I've been showering). Well, I cleaned my room and watched the movie "Babel" with my mom and dad. I shed a few tears because of the story, but I found it interesting. And ofcourse, a wide smile would appear on my face as I watched the scenes in Japan. Afterwards, I ate and tried to download a Japanese drama I am currently watching: "Nobuta wo Produce". My computer was too slow, I was disappointed, so I stopped trying to download it. What I did for the rest of the day ? Stay online some more, play video games, text, eat, and play an old gameboy game. So boring ! My "best friend" called me and asked me to hang out. Better than doing nothing... so I asked my mom to let me go. She didn't let me and she started talking about how late I always come home and how my dad never complains to me about it because he knows I have a bad temper. So we got into an arguement about how I never ask for anything from them. When I was in school, I never asked to go out unless it was the weekends. Sometimes I wouldn't go out for weeks, actually. Ah~ ! So I stayed home. I finished downloading Episode 6 of "Nobuta wo Produce" and for some reason that show always makes my eyes tear up. I love that show. I learn so much from it yet it's impossible to try and accomplish happiness like it teaches me. Then I realize that not everything can be like a Japanese drama. Guys herearen't that good looking and people aren't all that respectful, etc. I just want a job so badly so that I can get out. Being home isn't nice and all I do is sit here and gain weight =/ When I want to go out early my parents say "It's too hot outside !" When the sun is going down "It's too late ! Why do you always go out so late !?" It's frustrating. Then they say "Be active ! The day is so nice ! Do something !" when I stay home too much. Bleh~ I hate venting, but with things such as these happening, who wouldn't ?

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    xcheerfreakx  31, Female, Virginia, USA - 9 entries
18
Jun 2007
3:51 PM EDT
   

Dear journal,

today was very boring and i just couldnt stop shoving my face full of stale food because i dont eat right and depression does it to me because i think im so fat!!! so basically everyone even my dork thinks im anerexic but u kno what idk if i was being anerexic today. Because i usally am anerexic. But w/e!!! Thumper went home today and left me just hanging. I tlkd to my dorks mom linda because i always go over to his house with a couple of friends and she sat me down descussing my anerexic issue and how mad chris is at me for saying im fat when he and everybody else says im not even though i am. So thats proble why he doesnt tlk to me like he used to or look at me. g2g i have to eat dinner and its speggetii!!!!!!!!yyyyyuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY
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