so i thought i found a good guy...he kept sayin i wanna see you...i wishu live closer blah blah blah...well we havent seen eachother we havent hung out...we havent done shit...why why why...i feel like i shouldnt even b around anymore...i feel like everyone is talkin shit behind my back n really dont like me..i dont kno what to do...i wanna get away n start fresh as the new Dianna...not the thick girl that can dance well, or the one who allows everyone to talk all over her. I am confident in some ways but some im not..i feel as if im not need nor wanted anymore...
SO� one of my good friends and her baby moved in (baby only 5months) is fine n dandy till she starts waking me up in the mid of the night jus to hold her while she makes a bottle, or if she cant go back to sleep she gets fusterated and give her to me...she does nothin to help around the house, oh she works so does my mom n she has time to come home clean cook dinner and do something, friend jus comes home and sits on her ass..i watch the baby all the time what do i get nothing for it oh ill buy u jean or something when time come i get NOTHING..i think i might just ask for cash instead...she best not b expecting me to watch her baby when she goes out to a house party tonight to see all her friends HELL NO i am not going to...oh and she is plannin a trip to� AZ and to L.V. but leavin baby with baby dad's mom well now baby daddy's mom is moving now she wants me to watch her...there sacrafics u have to give up and one is your ability to travel and shit...UGH
Does anyone know how i should approach her and tell her how i feel with out sounding mean???????
Hello..long time no talk since i been on here. Last time i posted it was about my parents getting a divorce well that is still continuing but my parents are talking on good term, my dad still does not live here wit me and its rought i am a complete daddy's girl and not seeing him everyday hurts. but other then that thing are looking okay.
I am working out mostly everyday trying to eat right n loss weight for the navy. I know its the right thing for me. I want it really bad, but i also feel as if my recruiters dont�i am not getting the support from them which i should be. I am althought getting it from my family. I do question my self often about it thought i dont kno why deep down i want it with all my heart, but theres just one thing or should i say person that could stop me from joining.
Now on to that one person. I met him back in febuary. Amazing guy, sweet, kind, beautiful smile, big heart. We met at a club and he then came over then next day and enjoyed of self extremly (lol)..we talked and just layed on my bed holdin eachother.. we see eachother when we go out he say's he likes me and all the sweet talk. he's a good guy smart has a decent job as a councler and he's older in late twenty's. but my freinds say he's just like the rest a playa, i really dont wanna believe it, but last night i got upset i dont kno why we are not together.. he came there to see ME or else he wouldnt have.some girl he jus met was all over him and he did nothin all he said was hanging out with friends. ugh i jus dont kno what to do i like him alot..i could having the worst day and seeing him puts a smile on my face n makes me happy n my day better...i shouldnt b upset or wasting tears on him when we're not even together..i would like one day for us to be but i dont know when that day is going to come............
till next time..every1 have blessed day
SOOO i am sittin at home...trying to keep my self busy and not thinking of my situation...well starting yesterday i am sitting listen to the conversation that my mom is having with her friend...i dont like it and how she is talking about my dad and the past..past is the past..damn.. yea it may mean u dont trust him but ppl do change..while they kept going and i was defending my dad trying not to chose side i got pissed off and left..
cont,, to today i get home from the gym and she started on my about my dad...i dont wanna hear..then she make comments which are uncalled for...im freakin 21yrs old ill eat my damn food the way i want to...soo i suggested that we do family conceling she really needs to kno how she talks to ppl is not right and y ppl either get pissed off at her...
AHHH
more will come
So it may not be to some people but to me it is..my life is falling apart. My parents for 21+ yrs are getting a divorce..my dad filed and told me yesterday... i dont kno what to do...once i found out of course i cried, we talked he explained him self.. which sad thing is not just me but both my brother and i agree with my dad.
we both love our mother but she is nothing but money..money this u owe me wheres my money where my money all the time. she charged my dad interest when he borrowed money from her...who in thier right mind charges thier husband interest..
UGH!!!! i love my mom of course and i have to be here for her. but its hard..its hard to sit at home and think my dads not coming home tonight..it hurts i kno its not his fault and i am not made at him one bit but...i am a major daddys girl...
just wanted to get a lil off my chest now..there will be more.....
soooooo i've thinking alot...it seems like i have lost all my freinds...yes i have made new ones at my work...but i mean the ones that were there for me when i needed them to be.. it feels like i have lost the ones i could have a shoulder to cry on...it hurts. im here at home sitting doing nothing at all. ive apologized to the ones who need to b apologized to but its like they tell me to f off n they dont care.i miss all my old freinds when i need someone its they dont answer or they dont text me back.. im soooooo on the verge of just leaving and never coming back...i feel like im not wanted� anymore.. i have no use to be here..i just wanna move�and start over start from scratch were no one know me...
ahhhh i just want someone who wants me of me....
Hey...sorry i havent writen in a while...busy n didnt really have a lot to say till now because.....
i got a call from the ex...yup he called really didnt think he would...i changed my number to kinda get rid of hime but after i changed it i felt� bad...i missed hearin his voice, him callin me all the time, but i was afrais he wasnt coming back...well i told him that n he said he promised...he didnt tho....i was cryin and everything....he wanted an exuce from me for why i changed my number....so i told him...i had nothin n i didnt i sent him everything i had....every 2wks i would send him money from my paycheck n it killed me....i miss him and i dont know why...like i told him theres something about him that cant get away from...i dont know what to do w/him...i dont know if he'll call me again or anything......i miss him sooo much in all the calls
Ok so i just got back from a run...n my friend whos goin into the navy who didnt go to trainin wit my last thursday kept stoppin....grrr last thursday i did SOOOOO good did it all wit out stoppin n i wanted to do it again tonight....guess imma just have to do it tomorrow night. sigh....
Okay now beside that things have kinda gottin better...i think we found a job to make some good money....soo yeah we are kinda excited about it!!!
but since i havent posted anything in a bit might just drop by n leave some thing...
OHHH btw yesterday i was out in P-town n saw a REALLLLLY� hott ass guy well my friend n i were like DAMN� n he heard us n we drove around the block cuz we were also waitin on her sister n mom...well i got out n put my number on his window n he called me today....ummm exciting lol
yea its freakn 125 am and i am awake...yea i was freakin aslp not anymore...my friend who is consistantly awake till 3-4 am was talkin on her damn cell phone and still on my laptop. dose she not have respect for me and my shit....damn i woke up grabed my blanket pillow n cell n went in to the other room....i went in the thinkin shit i should have to LEAVE�MY ROOM by all means...it my room paint red for a reason....i have get pretty angry...well i then got up came back in n she asked if i was okay...helllll no im not ok� this has yto stop and to stop now...all hour of being awake slping till 1230 and doing it all over again...NAVY life aint like that hun u need to start learnin.. everyone keeps tell her she needs to change but it aint happenin...soo imma do my way ill do it w/out her if she cant help her self n really doesnt seem like her wants my help so im done...AHHHHHHHHHH crazy freakin night...im tired and hell still but im don know if i can go back to slp....
So the weekend over...hmmm...went to Meet the Fleet friday night...had a blast didnt get home till 730am...hahaha.....yeah like i said it was a blast...i was gunna go out sat night but didnt i was tooo tired n also i had no gas...WHICH kinda leads me to another issue wit my friend....i dont think she realllllly understands that when we dont have gad we can push to go place's we gotta save it....she always wants to b out doin sometihng everyday....i tell her we cant but then she gets an all depressed n is then on my laptop ALLLLLLL freakin day.....while shes on it she only on a few sites...y not go on n look for a job as well....ok soooo enough with that.....
i also did alot of thinkin this wkend...i wanna b done messin around wit guys...i kno im young in all but i wanna find the right one...someone to i can call n talk to anytime someone i can go to in the time of need if i get in to an argument w/my parents or my friends, someone i have a shoulder to cry one....i just want someone there to support me when needed n of course ill b there for them when ever....i know im young n shit but it dont matter im done dealin with some dumb fools i wanna find the right one....ahhhh...lol
thank u all for listenin pls dont b afriad to say something to me...im a real open person
OK so 2wks ago a friend moved in to my house...she moved from haivn an apartment� to livin wit me n my parents....i feel soooo bad.. n she knows that....then another thing is that i have obc and bp web sites....once i told her bout them she gets them n is gettin blown up like crazy makin me feel ugly....she is pretty but she really in to her self to...so when she knows she's lookin good she's like damn i look good and well take pics like crazy of her self...for example...last sat night we BOTH were look freakin amazing she used my camara n all the pic on there were of her...only 3 of me...grrr she a good freind n shit n were goin in to the navy that y she moved in...to support eachother.....grrrrrrr im just soo fustreated n w/ she being a lil consided is not helping....damn damn damn i just know what to do....everyone who i have to talk to about this n told them how i feel are like ur cute too blah blah blah...well i must not but that bomb.....ok soo now im dont venting ...pls let me kno what u think...if im stupid for think like this or what....
~Dianna~
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