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October 04, 2008

So many things happend to me in the past and nothing does seem to go right dont ask me if Im emo because the answer is YES if you don't know what it means hear you go� http://mx.youtube.com/watch?v=R_7BXOOjBf8��and http://mx.youtube.com/watch?v=YLMwfbGhoW4� My life sucks so much all I want to do is cut my wrists even if I do I cant stop Ive been in therapy already I got 9 slits on my wrists :( I don't need help my life really is a living hell :(

you know, i've been thinking a lot, how everything evolved. well i dont entirely believe in evolution..
but i mean, don't you see a huge resemblence from monkeys to us. our faces and behavior, it's so similar..
i bet there's another species out there that will have higher intelligence and take over the world! and someday humans will become extinct

I wished i believed in reincarnation..to�have our souls being�rebodied into the�possibility of a higher powered being. It would be an amazing change for the world, and i just wish it would just happen sooner. Like in our day and age..

I really do believe it will happen someday.

Who here has had similar thoughts?� say i'm crazy, i don't mind. I just love opinions =]

HELP ! I'm addicted to EDWARD (Robert Pattinson) xx

I've always been the little girl that hid behind doors growing up from ages 6 to 16. My mother thought she had it all worked out and supposedly met the man of her dreams when I was 6 years old. At first I thought he was a pretty nice guy. As time progressed, I noticed a few changes in my living situation. I was no longer allowed to open the refridgerator to get something to eat. I always had to ask to get a glass of water and go to the bathroom. I didn't really understand why my mom had chose to be with him and never said anything to him about the way he was trying to raise me. I had a younger brother that was deemed the devil child to my moms boyfriend and at 3 years old was getting his butt whooped for something totally stupid and off the record. I tried to keep myself out of trouble, but nothing seemed to work. Me and my brother were just 2 kids growing up in a house of hatred and my mother saw nothing wrong with the picture, at least I dont think she did. I got my butt whooped almost everyday and I always had to sit on my bed and I could never play with my toys. Four years had gone by and my mother decided to marry this quack when I was at school. When I got home she told me she got married and all I could do is look her dead the face and ask "WHY?" She never told me, but then I moved to a different house and things didn't get any better. I was always in trouble as was my brother. When I turned 11, things started to change, I wasn't getting my butt whooped as much but I can't say much for my brother. I was molested beyond repair and I tried to tell my mother, but she didnt seem to believe me. I then, had a wonderful and awesome friend that let me confide in them and I told her everything. She had taken in as much as she could until one night, my brother got into trouble for something totally stupid and got his butt whooped and my mom wasnt home and her "husband" wouldn't stop hitting him, I tried my best to yell at him to stop but that did not work. When I got to school the next day, I told my friend everything and she went with me to the office because she quote "had had enough of this bullsh*t." And that day my life changed, something inside me told me what I had to do. Later on that day, my mother arrived at my school and I had to go to the police station and file a report and record a testimony and everything. Her "husband" was arrested and told to leave the premises. I thought things were going to be better, but they got worse, I got blamed for ruining her life and I didn't feel accepted at home anymore. So, I started looking in to other options for myself, rather than running away because I knew in my heart that I wanted to finish high school. I sat my mother down one day and told her that I wanted to join the National Guard at 17 years old. She signed the papers and I was on my way. Before I left for Basic Training I met a remarkable person and fell in love with him to this day. He is the love of my life and I would do anything for him. I then went to basic training, all the while still dating him, so yes, i have been in a long distance relationship for 3 months. It was hard but I stuck it out. Then I returned to school and completed high school and recieved my diploma. I was very proud of myself. I mean I had my life set and a career and a fresh start for college because the guard paid 100% tuition. I had it made, BUT then something tragic happened, I was ran over by a car and I lost my career due to my leg having a huge hole and myself not being able to complete training, (this happened a year ago), but I'm trying my best to get my leg to its fullest extent of therapy. It will never be like the other leg, but I know that now. I currently just went back to work and am living my life day to day, not taking sh*t from anyone and loving my family and friends that are there for me.� I know this entry may seem way too long, but the title "Growing up is hard to do" is what I am trying to emphasize on.� No matter what happens in life, whether it be growing up in a messed up world like me or growing up without parents and on the street, everybody is different and sometimes it takes longer to "grow up" persay than most. I know it took me 19 years and it'll prolly still take me til I pass to figure out that I never stop learning or growing up, but I may reach a medium. So for all� you bloggers out there, I just wanted to say, hang in there, it'll get worse before it gets better. And if you ever see something wrong with how your friends are being treated, please be there for them. It helps out a tremendous amount and you'll be glad that you did it!

Thank you

Alyssa

i have a email wahoo!

Heyyy! wassup? Soo, schools out for summer :D Happy happy! Four weeks left -_- And the bad thing is when i dont want it to go quickly, IT DOES then, when i want the week to speed up a bit to an event, it goes so slow! I'm more then happy to have all this time off of school. But so many great things are happening this week! im not doing anything tommorow. But On Wednesday something SO EXITING I MIGHT PEE MYSELF is happening. I wont wright about it till after though. Then Thursday im going to see Hairspray, (not the movie seen that got the DVD) On stage. I dont know if it is the big Broadway-ish one. But I think Hairspray is exeptionordnarily good!! so Maybe i will enjoy the onstage one. Then on friday its shopping time :D And i cant wait untill Halloween, and November My Neice will be born! then christmas. :O Im getting a Laptop For Christmas, I will make sure of it!! I need one badly. I always Use computers. Im always on Facebook, and Twitter keeping up with the Gossip and my friends. Then Youtube... Is one thing i cannot live without, I dunno about you guys. But i CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT� ��You��Tube �!! So, I need to beg my Mum and Dad to go half and half to get me a laptop. I dont really want much else. in fact. Thats the only thing i want!

I copypasta'd it from another place. It's unedited. I'm sure you'll get over it.

Has anyone ever just thought of how fucking sad it is that everyone has hopes and dreams of traveling and just�being happy...

And all they need is money. the money.

people blow money every-fuckin-day and don't give a rats ass.

how is that even remotly fair? all those people who just wanna be happy...

it's ridiculous and sad.

On a lighter note:

Life blows.

Thanks for listening dumbfucks.

Heyy guys I am Brooke whats uppp??? :D HEA HEA!!!!! HAHA!!!

and i dont want anyone to read it (: