lynnethom's Journal

Jan 2009
6:19 PM WEST

all getting to much

Well i feel depressed the last few days, everything is really getting on top off me. tried to take the little man to the docs as really need to air my concerns about him and being a working mom and him playing up at nirsey the doc refused to see us as we were 14mins late. really annoyed as he usually makes us wait a 20min period before you get seen!!! i can't help traffic, nursey staff and the litttle mans temper. we are all getting concenered about his beh and development plus we are so broke we can hardly feed the kids. i'm working so hard latley and it ain't paying off. to top things off the lazy b off a hubby is treating me like crap and ain't working. he got paid off 8wks ago but is refusing to try and look for a job in anything but his field, bu there is no building jobs about the now. been mucked about with getting a house swap as where we live is hell. you can't sleep because offf the noise and seirens plus the people are mostly mental. i'm so isolated here and so is the kids. life is really sucking the now and i'm hardly seeing the kids and when i do i'm tired and crabbit, really begining to think they might be better off without me!! i'm so tired mentally don't know how much more i need to do before things can get better, need to do exta shift in my only day off this wk as the wee man needs new shoes, his other ones are now burst!!

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Jan 2009
9:34 AM WEST

the new year

Well it's been a bit since i've written but things have been mad. My babies have all been ill for a total of eight weeks. My other half has been paid off his work and my mother had been told an ultamatime by her doctor Change her ways or die!!!! Where do i start really, i've been trying so hard with my own personal issues and i'm doing well coming off the main substance in my life. It's just hard that now he's unemployed he's hitting it hard and being really hard to life with (mornings are the worst) . Every morning he gets the wee ones crying as he totally blows it all out of proportion. He lays in bed while i run about trying to get us all ready to go to nursery, school and college, no help. Today is sunday morning and again he's in bed and i'm up with the kids. I think he forgets it goes both ways. He doesn't drive so i'm like his taxi service plus everything else. The more we are growing apart the more i think i can't see myself with thim in ten years. Self confidence and esteem seams to be a problem for me at the moment although i'm good at faking it!!! My mum, i have no idea it's like she doesn't want to help herself. I other to do things but she always says no. she can do all thats asked off her she's done it before. I struggle all the time with childcare problems and she never helps although she does nothing and sits in the damm house all day long. My sis is following down the same route, within the last year my sis has only came in contact with 10 dif people max and there all family members. surely that can't be healthy!!?? I try so hard to change lots of aspects in my own life but so many things make it so hard, money, peers, relationships, society, poverty and learned behaviour!! Should i give up my dream to be someone else, some one well respected that helps others and does her bit for society or should i withdraw to

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Oct 2008
6:58 PM WEST

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Sunday today already and another week gone by just like a day goes. i'm so knackered, just physically tired and feeling mentally drained. never had time to get my hair done as can't get any babysitters as per usual. hopeully next week. managed to get to the gym today at the mans dissaproval, seamilnly thats me buggering off as whens he's home i never have the kids lol. what an ars! i work so hard a little me time doesn't go a miss. ow and i went for a bath yesterday. how dare i. got no college stuff done this week even ended up skipping class on thursday because i had no time at all to prepare during the week. felt so bad about that and i still do. i hated that i missed it, going to try my hardest to not let that happen again. even now writting this i have a baby screaming at me for attention, x

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Oct 2008
6:37 PM WEST

happy birhday to me!

well i've turned 25 now and what a dissopointment. my other half didn't even boher getting me a card even from our children as well, probaly cause he's to busy with everything else. i seam to come 100 th on the list, well i feel that way. i do so much and what appreatiation do i get. my father couldn't even say happy birthday (step dad) yet he raised me. got a few cards but that's all. have no friends that bothered, things like this make me realise how little i have in forms of friendship family and love. my daughter sang happy birthday the best bit in my day. i'll spend dinner alone while the other half works late. suppose it'll give me time to do course work. v sad today if it wasn't for my children don't know who else i'd have.

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2 comment(s) - 01:10 PM - 11/03/2008

Oct 2008
9:31 AM WEST

the end of another week already got so much to do today befoer i pick up the baby at 12. need to get college work done it's mounting! sore head this morning after a night in with a few friends. can't really be bothered but it all needs to be done would jus loave to sleep. he's at work again so it's just me. could of said something to the gran yesterday making me feel roten because i left the kids with my parents for a few hours while i went to the gym. i know they enjoy the kids especially dad but it's the pure jelousy with the women! i have no idea why she's so bad with mum it's like she detests the kids because it takes mums attention away from here and it's mum i feel for as she nuts. she treats her horribaly it's her daughter and i have no idea why? maybe it's a control thing or something else dementia?

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Oct 2008
9:12 AM WEST

turning 25 evaluation - help

i'm about to turn 25 years old and wondering what i have to show for it! don't get me wrong i have a great partner and wonderfull kids but do i deserve them? I have a problem and sometimes it's controlled where i can put it off until the children go to bed but there is other times when i feel i'll just crack up without it. I hate doing it but i feel i can't help it and others around me do it to (temptetion in my face). Were currently living in a poor, deprived area, violence ect all part of the norm. I hate it here but can't afford to move. the credit crunch so to speak is really effecting us. I'm currently just started studying for a job that will give me lots that i want, career, status, financial rewards and the most important i'll be able to make peoples life better for there future. yet i wonder how can i do this if i can't even sort myself out, so much suffers from this problem but i have no idea where to start! my self confidence and self esteem is low, i'm overweight, low, unhappy and annoyed with myself. I'm under so so much stress my family are no good, there worse than me. Where do i start? Help.

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lynnethom's Profile

Username: lynnethom

Gender / Age: Female, 41

Location: United Kingdom