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"The American way of stress is comparable to Freud's 'beloved symptom', his name for the cherished neurosis that a patient cultivates like the rarest of orchids and does not want to be cured of. Stress makes Americans feel busy, important, and in demand, and simultaneously deprived, ignored, and victimized. Stress makes them feel interesting and complex instead of boring and simple, and carries an assumption of sensitivity not unlike the Old World assumption that aristocrats were high-strung. In short, stress has become a status symbol." (from "The Misanthrope's Corner", May 2001)

cf. "The One Who Is Not Busy"

WELL THE DAY STARTED AND I WAS CHECKING MY MAIL, WHEN I CHECKED MY MYSPACE I HAD A MESSAGE FROM AN OLD FRIEND, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE A GIRL, AND HAPPENS TO BE A GIRL I AM STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH, BUT I AM ALSO IN LOVE WITH MY FIANCE AND HER SON WHAT DO I DO I LVOE MY FIANCE AND CANT LOOSE HER BUT THEN THERE IS THIS OTHER GIRL WHO I STILL AM IN LOVE WITH, IM SO CONFUSED ITS NOT FUNNY, GOD DO I NEED HELP. HOW DO I MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE, I KNOW THAT EITHER ONE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ME FOREVER BUT I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING ANYMORE, HAS ANYONE EVER HAD THIS MOMENT IN THERE LIFE WERE YOU WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH A FORMER GF, GOD IF THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME HOW DO WE HANDLE IT AND OF COURSE SHE DOESNT KNOW SHE NEVER HAS SO I GUESS I COULD JUST LEAVE IT ALON AND GO ON MY WAY BUT THEN THERE ARE THE WHAT IFS, I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF, BUT I CANT LOOSE THIS WONDER FUL PERSON AND HER SON WITHER, I CER RUMBA SO LOST IN THIS THING THAT WE CALL LOVE AND SO NEED SOME PROFESINAL HELP.

Choice of -gram cracker crust

store bought, homemade, whatever

1/2 c whipping cream

1- 8oz pkg cream cheese

1/2c sugar

2T dark rum or orange juice

1T vanilla

1/4 tsp almont extract

~combine and mix until smooth

pour into crust, chill 3-4 hrs

***********************************************

2 medium peaches, nectarines or any stone fruit thinly sliced

2T lemon juice

1/2c fresh rasperries, blueberries or any other small round berry

1/4c favorite preserves+2 T honey

Arrange sliced fruit on top of chilled cream filling.

Decorate with berries and drizzle mixed preserves on top of everything.

A comforting few days this week. Fall is here and things are cooling down outside. To celebrate I've turned off the A.C. and opened my single window and screen door. Wonderfully fall scented breezes have been entering my apartment and chasing away the stale cigarette and bachelor smell.

Tuesday I woke up full of energy and finally got all of my dishes washed and the kitchen straightnened out. They'd been in desperate need of cleaning ever since Adam left several weeks ago. It was a bit of a pain because the kitchen sink hasn't been working for, again, several weeks. I ended up filling the sinks from the tub using the water bottles usually kept in the refridgerator. After I'd done that, everything was pretty simple and only took a coupla hours.

I also managed to go out and get a cheap tv stand. It's pretty poor quality, but it will last until I move in June and released my poor hassock from tv stand duty. Man is it nice to be able to put my feet up again!

Oh, and I got the sink fixed shortly after coming back with the tv stand. The guy came in and just unscrewed the end of the faucet (the name for this part escapes me at the moment) and removed a piece of rubber that had gotten caught there plugging up the whole works. It made me feel like an idiot. I could have done that if I'd thought about it. Here I am thinking that it has something to do with running the faucet at the same time as the shower or dishwasher, or that there's air in the line or something and it's just this stupid piece of rubber! Well... I told him about the dishwasher's problem and he said he needed to order a part for it. That made me feel marginally better.

Really, it didn't bother me too much. When he'd left I sat back relaxed and drank a few Rob Roys. What a great end to a day off!

Work's been okay. I get less than excited whenever I realize it's nearing time to go, but it's...well, to be frank, it's pretty boring when I get there. I really need another line of work. But that's one of the reasons I'm going into the woods next June so...

Okay, that's enough for now. If I think of anything else momentous I'll write again.

So I found this site, what a great way to get some cheap therapy. I can write up some private thoughts and then spill out some public rambling (almost like a confessional). I really have a difficult time talking about myself with others and I don’t like to talk to myself, I think I’m afraid of what I may think of me, so this should be interesting.

�

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What am I hoping to gain from this experience? All I want is to strengthen my ability to express myself about the one topic I most want to keep secret: me. I’m not really looking for any answers I just want to be able to form the questions better. I have found that the better the question, the more correct the answer. So, for now, I will focus on the questions and let the answers come as they may.

hello

Heya.

I can't believe just the first day going back to school I already hate it. How does it happen so fast, isn't it supposed to come in gradually? Well, no, not this time. I�didn't even last the first hour and by lunch, i was ready to go home and cry. I know. VERY VERY pathetic. If i can't last now... what will high school be like? What.. blahbee? you don't even have friends. As stupid as that sounds. Yes I do have friends, just not the kind that you want to spend time with everyday. I know that it's entirely because of me... what can I do? Um.. like... TALK to them? Yeah.. maybe i just wanna save my voice for highschool. Maybe I wanna be a loner. You can't say anything to that now can you. It's what i chose and i couldn't seem to get out of this trance. Loser. Loner. Bitch. Call me whatever you want because chances are, I won't see you again after 10 months.

Now... don't judge me, I wasn't always like this. I couldn't help but notice the timing : Stupid boy messes with me, BOOM! I'm anti-social.

Or... maybe i should stop fucking complaining about my "suckish" life when actually in another point of view is something to die for.

Maybe i should go get a life instead of watching from the sidelines.

love

blahbee

We must live , life is too precious to give away.

I saw an artical the other day about people in South Africa maming and killing their children because they think them to be witches. Now I understand Africa isn't America, but it is on earth right? Persecution of witches ended long ago, or so I thought. But�you get these fanatical Christians and Evangilists who think everyone has to see things their way, they send missionaries over to Africa and The Goddess only knows where else and they fill these peoples heads with pure nonsence and evil, it chills me to the bone.�The Bible teaches that�you should not suffer a�Witch to live, and at the same time preaches love and forgiveness. More evil,torture and death has been�done in the name of Jesus and the Christian faith than anything any Witch has� ever done. �The Bible also talks of the Fall of the Great Harlot, I believe The Great Harlot to be the Catholic Church, (The Goddess see's what they are doing to her children, and she is pissed), I hope I am alive to see them fall. I will cheer and dance skyclad around my circle.