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lonelyangel 32, Male, Japan - 5 entries

Feb 2010
4:39 AM EDT

Family

Sometimes I'm fine. Most of the time I'm not. Nothing seems real for me these days. It seems like I'm always pretending. Faking my happiness,faking the sadness. What I truely feel is not familiar to me anymore. And I don't know what to do. I talked to my teacher about this once,or twice and it just keeps on coming. Do you know how it feels when you don't know what you are or why are you here in this world? Have you ever wondered what your love ones' lives would be when you were never born and never part of their lives? Or how it would affect them when you are suddenly gone? Would they feel sad? Would they take the blame and ruin their lives? Imagining things like that makes me really sad. Though I don't know who I am,I know how much I love my family. But lately,my family,that I believe is the real purpose of my living,is falling apart. I can't blame anyone. To be honest,I don't blame myself. Not anymore. It's not my parents fault either. Maybe,that's just the way it is. Love just suddenly fade,as sudden as it comes. I can't help but think that my family's better off apart. But still I'm hoping. Every family has its own issues along with solutions. Only,sometimes,the solution is late.

Tags: inboxjournal, internet, yahoo, youtube

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Empty 48, Female, Arizona, USA - 8 entries

Nov 2015
4:35 PM MST

Today is beautiful. It's just the right temperature... slight breeze. I hear the neighbors going out on their motorcycle. I think of the motorcycle we bought... I really believed we go places together. Riding around with you made me so happy.I just want someone to care about me. That's all I have ever wanted... he says I live in a fantasy world... maybe I do. I just want other people in my world. I am careful not to smother them with attention. .. I try to make them laugh and feel comfortable... but, they never stay. I try not to show my sadness... my insecurities. .. my emptiness. ..I offer to help... I just want to be a part of something... I want a family. I want friends. When I think back... it has been like this most of my life. I don't understand why. I don't know how to live... and i am not good enough to die... I need help... but, nobody cares

Tags: community, Depression, internet

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1 comment(s) - 08:39 PM - 11/16/2015

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