lonelyangel's Journal

Feb 2010
4:39 AM EDT

Family

Sometimes I'm fine. Most of the time I'm not. Nothing seems real for me these days. It seems like I'm always pretending. Faking my happiness,faking the sadness. What I truely feel is not familiar to me anymore. And I don't know what to do. I talked to my teacher about this once,or twice and it just keeps on coming. Do you know how it feels when you don't know what you are or why are you here in this world? Have you ever wondered what your love ones' lives would be when you were never born and never part of their lives? Or how it would affect them when you are suddenly gone? Would they feel sad? Would they take the blame and ruin their lives? Imagining things like that makes me really sad. Though I don't know who I am,I know how much I love my family. But lately,my family,that I believe is the real purpose of my living,is falling apart. I can't blame anyone. To be honest,I don't blame myself. Not anymore. It's not my parents fault either. Maybe,that's just the way it is. Love just suddenly fade,as sudden as it comes. I can't help but think that my family's better off apart. But still I'm hoping. Every family has its own issues along with solutions. Only,sometimes,the solution is late.

Tags: inboxjournal, internet, yahoo, youtube

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Sep 2009
7:51 PM EDT

Hayz,life.I'm so tired of working but can't quit because I have a huge dream that I wanna reach.That dream of mine is never out of reach only if I would try hard to reach it.It's not easy at all but,I know it'd be worth it.The patient is needed.Anyways,I have realized that boys aren't in my vocobulary right now.They're not worth my time at the moment and they'd just make me trow what I've been working for.They're in the least priority of mine.However,sometimes,it seems like I could use a boyfriend to encourage me.Whatever.My priority right now is to work really,really hard not only for my dreams but to help my family financially and to graduate senior with high grades and to continue studying in Collage in America or England,I'm not yet sure but I wanna graduate Collage in abroad that's for sure!And I'm still hesitating which coarse would I like to pursue;Theater or HRM.But either way,I wish to be successful and famous at it.I love writing stories and create,something that doesn't exist in this world,in my mind but I feel like I'd also love to learn how to bake,cook,manage a business and be a famous hotel owner.I can almost imagine myself 10 years after,sitting on a black leather office chair in a huge,cool room that is surrounded with aclir glass and looking down at the view outside.But then,I also can see myself sitting in a small yet comfortable room,surrounded by books that I've written on my own and being surrounded by famous actresses and actors that played the characters in my books,particularly,Emma Watson!Yeah,I just love the certain actress along with Tom Felton,Danielle Radcliff and Rupert Grint and if ever I became a famous and respectful director/writer/producer or whatever that works behind movies with high status,I'd love to have them to play the leading role!!!! Well,that'd be a long and winding journey for sure but,I can handle that as far a

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Jun 2009
12:06 AM EDT

Today,my long time crush has been asked by a pretty girl his email add and he gave it right away.I was so sad and jelous.But I know I have no right to be jelous because he's not mine.He's not even my friend.I just hope someday,he'd notice a nerd like me.It's raining outside and it kinda sucks.I was planning on going to the city library to borrow books about math and Mandarine but I can't go when it's raining outside.Besides,it's already 5pm and the library closes at 6pm.Anyways,I'm in the middle of my leave at work.I gave up and give rest a try.I'm going to fix my broken self and be as healthy as I was.I know I'm not illed but I'm emotionally sick.Not because of my family,not because of community and,not because of works.The reason is myself.I always presure my self about something unnecessary.That's one of my disadvantages that I have to erase out of myself!

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Jun 2008
2:01 AM EDT

June 18th (Wed) 2008

Today,I had a very hard morning as usual.It seems there's a tons of rock on my back and my shoulder.But after I showered,everything were fine.I went to school,talked with my bestfriend,Mami,and enjoy volleyball we played during our PE class.I laughed a lot in school today because my team mates in volleyball are all funny.After school,I went to work in Mcdonalds.It's hard and I was very sleepy but I have to do it anyways for my family.I'm glad that I am able to help my family now even I can't have my free time that I used to have.It's worth it specially when I'd think I'm helping my parents.After work,here I am surfing the internet.I'm sleepy but I don't want to sleep because if I do,then my free time will be waste.Whenever I have a freetime,I want it to spend doing what I really want to do.And it's surfing internet,watching TV and specially,writing stories.So,that's all for today!I'll go write a story right now:))

Tags: My everyday

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May 2008
4:01 AM EDT

Who am I?

When I was young,I was a very nice and lovable girl.I always obbey my parents orders.I never talk to them back.But now,I have changed.I can see myself as an evil daughter and an evil sister.I don't know who I am anymore.I was never the good girl I used to know.Then I realized,people are really changing.I want myself back.If only I knew how to,then I would do.I hope my family still love me,because I love them even I'm changed.

Tags: myself

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lonelyangel's Profile

Username: lonelyangel

Gender / Age: Male, 32

Location: Japan

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