view member journals

 

Search All Journals

    
  • View users with: Most entries, Most viewed, Most commented
  • Most popular tags: Zdigitizing(81), LOVE(40), Travel(40), essay(31), life(30),  ...more
    •     ticklmeamy  32, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
    20
    Nov 2006
    7:50 AM PDT
       

    Chapter One If the world were to end today, I don’t think I’d care. Nothing in my life matters right now, but I wish something did. I have a broken family and friends that are never there. They might as well just be imaginary. There is one person though. A boy. He has a name, but do names really matter. His shaggy, brown hair covers his eyes as he smiles at me from across the French classroom. The bell rings in five, four, three, two, one. The day is over. I walk past him on the way out and he stops me. "Hey Daisy." The words travel out his mouth in slow motion. I have a headache and can't comprehend what he just said. I mumble something about being late for violin if I stay and chat, so I head out the door, forgetting to tell him good bye. I step on the city bus and head toward the back. It is crowded, but I see a seat in the corner. I just want to sit. I don't know where I'm headed. Home. I can't go there, no, not now. My head begins throbbing. It’s been ten minutes and I get off the bus in front of the grocery store. I walk inside and the cool air rejuvenates my body. The medication is on the other side of the store, so I slowly head towards it. There is hardly anyone in the store. I find some Tylenol and walk over to the cashier. She looks at me funny, like I might choose to use it to get high off of, but she can't stop me from buying it. I give her the five dollar bill out of my pocket. She hands me the receipts and some change. The screen says seventy cents, but I only count sixty. It doesn't matter though; I am in no mood to argue over a dime. I walk outside and over to the coke machine. I put in two quarters and press the button for water. It spits out a bottle, and I open it. I remove the lid from the Tylenol and grab a pill. I stick it in my mouth and swallow. I gulp down some water and walk towards the street. I am only a few blocks from my house now, so I start to head there. I walk across the street and there he is. The boy in my French class, sitting in the car I just walked past. I try to pretend like he’s not there but I can feel him staring at the back of my head. I turn around and he smiles. I can feel the corners of my mouth rising up, but I don’t want them to. I turn around and head on home pretending like I never even saw him. Chapter Two I head down my street and pause in front of my house. The big oak tree beckons to me. I walk over to it and touch the bark. My tree house sits up there, somewhere. I set my bag down next to the trunk and start to climb. I reach the ladder to the house and set my foot on it. I am afraid to look down. I haven’t been up here in years. I cautiously continue to climb until I am safe inside. I can’t stand up inside it anymore. I sit with my legs crossed staring at the broken pieces of chalk lying on the floor. I pick one up and begin to draw. I draw Michael and me, up here playing king and queen just like we used to when we were six or seven. We would laugh and never come down until my mom would make me come inside to eat dinner and Michael would have to go home. I don’t know what happened to Michael and I. We used to talk all the time, but now I don’t want to say anything to him and come up with excuse after excuse when he tries to talk to me. I wish I wasn’t like that though. Every time I see him I just want to tell him how he makes me feel, but I can’t. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I took French was so that I could have a class with him. I look down at the drawings and realize that they are spotted with my tears. Do these memories really hold that much emotion? Maybe I should have talked to him today, maybe I should go inside and call him, but I’d never have the confidence to do that. I leave my tree house and chalk drawings behind and head for the ladder. I climb down, and don’t look anywhere but straight in front of me until my two feet are firmly planted on the ground. I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I head over to the door and open it. I see my dad sitting on the couch. In front of him is the television screen which he is staring blankly at. The announcer is talking about a deadly car accident on the freeway between Jefferson and Prince. I look at the car that lies in the bank, crushed and burnt. You can still see the smoke rising above it. I look back at my dad and ask him what’s wrong. “Sit down,” she says as he tries to smile, but I don’t believe it. I put my backpack down by the door and take a seat in the recliner so I won’t have to look directly at him as he talks. I just want him to tell me what happened. But then it hits me. That car in the picture isn’t just any car, it’s my mother’s. And the lady that died was the person that I have known and loved for so long. I can feel my face burning up and I start to cry. “You figured it out, didn’t you?” he says. I try to mumble “uh, huh” but nothing is coming out. My head begins throbbing again. And I run off to my room, the only place that will ever be entirely my own. I hear the door slam behind me, but I didn’t do it. I throw myself down on top of my bed and cry. I can hear my dad, crying down the hall. Chapter Three I haven’t moved since yesterday. My body aches all over as I try to reach over and turn off my alarm clock. It’s Friday, and I have to get up and go to school. I stumble out of bed and walk over to my closet; I put on a pair of jeans and a white tank. I grab my converse and a pair of socks and walk out of my room. As I walk down the hall, I can tell that my dad isn’t here. There is no bacon frying and he isn’t snoring so he can’t still be asleep. I turn around and head for his bedroom. I open the door and see the bed, untouched. I figure he must have slept on the couch.
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )


    View all posts

        JohnAnthony  48, Male, Texas, USA - 3 entries
    20
    Nov 2006
    7:07 AM EDT
       

    I don't know what this really is saying so just forget it ok!! lol just playing... But really, I don't know how to answer this one...
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )


    View all posts

        stressmaker106  30, Female, Canada - First entry!
    19
    Nov 2006
    5:35 PM GMT
       

    you know what somone told me its ok to be stressed sometimes so its ok
     Add comment
    1 comment(s) - 12:32 PM - 11/19/2006
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )



        bettyboxedin  34, Female, Canada - 24 entries
    19
    Nov 2006
    7:35 AM CST
       

    i have not been on lately due to a lot of stress and suicidal feelings lately I found out JOrdy has relapesd and is back on heroin he still smokes pot and dirnks. i am lost in what i should do. i have been told to dump him but what kind of girlfriend would i be if i do i am supposed to be there for him and i want to be to get him back on his feet, i have been told to call the cops but idont want to. i have no idea what i should do. anyways i am watching philodelphia so i have to go. it isn't the greatest movie s to watch since Jordy is back on heroin and you can contract aids from heroin and i dont want him to die. i love him too much to give up on him and throw in the towel now. i need to find some help for him find someone who can help me so i can help him. he is my rock and if that rock gets weak and crumbles then so do i.
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )


    View all posts

        gunsnroses  32, Female, Greece - 16 entries
    19
    Nov 2006
    6:38 AM EDT
       

    i miss you...i miss you so bad.. :(
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )


    View all posts

        outlawjj  53, Male, Ohio, USA - First entry!
    18
    Nov 2006
    2:21 PM EDT
       

    hi im new here i hope this helps me express my feelings
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )



        meg10123  34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - First entry!
    18
    Nov 2006
    9:12 AM EDT
       

    today i woke up at 7:15 with a cold a bad one i have coughing and i am sneezing anyways i went down starits and had breakfast then i brushed my teeth then did stuff like watched tv and stayed home mostly except for i got a movie
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )



        StuckInMI  41, Female, Michigan, USA - First entry!
    17
    Nov 2006
    6:15 PM EDT
       

    Well where do I begin to explain my complicated situation? I guess the beginning. Okay well it all started when after one bad relationship after another that I had a revalation. Why bother with this thing called love? If only one person gives 100% of their all and the other doesn't why even give that 100%? So after much soul searching I decided that I was going to just do away with the whole notion of love. I was doing so well when this amazing man walked into my life. He offered me all the things that I had wanted, but the timing was totally off. SO I had a big decision to make. Do I take the plunge and may get a heartbreak again? Or do I just let this pass and hope that one day when I am ready I will find him again? I decided that I've lived my life on the safe side, always weighing the pros and cons, maybe that is why I was always chose the wrong person. So I took the plunge. But I knew that this plunge was not going to be easy. You see I was leaving in 6 months to come to Michigan to begin my life. Law School. Well here I am in Michigan while the man that I love is in NY. Can I just tell you the jealousy that runs through my veins! He's home hanging with his friends, and I am stuck here with no one but chips, dip, and Criminal Pro. I know he's not doing anything to jeapordize our relationship, but there is a nagging feeling that whenever he's out with his friends something can happen. I guess the insecurity comes from the fact that every single past relationship has turned out with another person taking my place; and I was in the freaking same STATE! Maybe it's just my insecurities that are playing with my head. Or maybe its the fact that if I had someone here to hang with I wouldn't feel so bad. I don't know what it is but I'm hoping it will pass...I hope. -C-
     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )



        Squinchbean  44, Female, Colorado, USA - First entry!
    17
    Nov 2006
    5:22 PM MDT
       

    Someone I know tried to commit suicide tonight. You know, something like that seems to come out of nowhere and slap us in the face, but that's not how it really is, is it? I mean, it takes an awful lot of suicidal ideation before someone decides to shuffle off this mortal coil, don't you think? Where were we - the people who call ourselves friends and family - doing? Did we make a choice to ignore all the signs? I don't remember making a choice, but - looking back - I know that I'm as guilty of ignoring the warnings as everyone else is.

    What kind of people have we become? You can't tell me that we are any different from the everyone else, that we are, somehow, profoundly flawed somehow - heartless or so narcissistic we can't see beyond ourselves. I think it's a symptom of an apathy that has come to embrace most of us, and it frightens me......

     Add comment
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )



        Queenie  37, Female, Ohio, USA - 29 entries
    17
    Nov 2006
    1:35 AM EDT
       

    I think I sit here everyday and wonder, why everyone cares about what everyone thinks. Even the most confedent people think something bad about their own person. Yet those are the same people that tell you to that you can't love anyone without loveing yourself first and are so hypacritical it makes me sick.
     Add comment
    5 comment(s) - 04:32 PM - 05/10/2008
    Add Comment:

    Add Tags:
    To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )


    View all posts

    Matches: 2942 ... 279 | 280 | 281 | 282 | 283 | 284 | 285 | 286 | 287 | 288 ... Next Prev Last