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    •     meg10123  34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - First entry!
    18
    Nov 2006
    9:12 AM EDT
       

    today i woke up at 7:15 with a cold a bad one i have coughing and i am sneezing anyways i went down starits and had breakfast then i brushed my teeth then did stuff like watched tv and stayed home mostly except for i got a movie
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        StuckInMI  41, Female, Michigan, USA - First entry!
    17
    Nov 2006
    6:15 PM EDT
       

    Well where do I begin to explain my complicated situation? I guess the beginning. Okay well it all started when after one bad relationship after another that I had a revalation. Why bother with this thing called love? If only one person gives 100% of their all and the other doesn't why even give that 100%? So after much soul searching I decided that I was going to just do away with the whole notion of love. I was doing so well when this amazing man walked into my life. He offered me all the things that I had wanted, but the timing was totally off. SO I had a big decision to make. Do I take the plunge and may get a heartbreak again? Or do I just let this pass and hope that one day when I am ready I will find him again? I decided that I've lived my life on the safe side, always weighing the pros and cons, maybe that is why I was always chose the wrong person. So I took the plunge. But I knew that this plunge was not going to be easy. You see I was leaving in 6 months to come to Michigan to begin my life. Law School. Well here I am in Michigan while the man that I love is in NY. Can I just tell you the jealousy that runs through my veins! He's home hanging with his friends, and I am stuck here with no one but chips, dip, and Criminal Pro. I know he's not doing anything to jeapordize our relationship, but there is a nagging feeling that whenever he's out with his friends something can happen. I guess the insecurity comes from the fact that every single past relationship has turned out with another person taking my place; and I was in the freaking same STATE! Maybe it's just my insecurities that are playing with my head. Or maybe its the fact that if I had someone here to hang with I wouldn't feel so bad. I don't know what it is but I'm hoping it will pass...I hope. -C-
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        Squinchbean  44, Female, Colorado, USA - First entry!
    17
    Nov 2006
    5:22 PM MDT
       

    Someone I know tried to commit suicide tonight. You know, something like that seems to come out of nowhere and slap us in the face, but that's not how it really is, is it? I mean, it takes an awful lot of suicidal ideation before someone decides to shuffle off this mortal coil, don't you think? Where were we - the people who call ourselves friends and family - doing? Did we make a choice to ignore all the signs? I don't remember making a choice, but - looking back - I know that I'm as guilty of ignoring the warnings as everyone else is.

    What kind of people have we become? You can't tell me that we are any different from the everyone else, that we are, somehow, profoundly flawed somehow - heartless or so narcissistic we can't see beyond ourselves. I think it's a symptom of an apathy that has come to embrace most of us, and it frightens me......

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        Queenie  37, Female, Ohio, USA - 29 entries
    17
    Nov 2006
    1:35 AM EDT
       

    I think I sit here everyday and wonder, why everyone cares about what everyone thinks. Even the most confedent people think something bad about their own person. Yet those are the same people that tell you to that you can't love anyone without loveing yourself first and are so hypacritical it makes me sick.
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    5 comment(s) - 04:32 PM - 05/10/2008
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        stillsexy  49, Female, New York, USA - First entry!
    14
    Nov 2006
    8:15 PM EDT
       

    I haven't journaled in about a year and I was not consistent then. This is a lil crazy allowing people read your thoughts but imma see where this takes me. Today I went to visit my pastor today because my husband and I have are in marriage counseling. I found out in the beginning of October my husband had cheated. With a women in the same neighborhood we live in. Isn't that some BS. I haven't shared this information with any friends or family.Partly because I didn't want to get the typical responses and there not married. So I learning to lean on the LORD. I know that God has the victory but it still hurts. I'm mad, I'm angry I feel like the jar broke befor had to use it. Does that make sense? I know that I'm not the first women to experience this. But I dont't want a marriage that is based on a lie. Not being able to trust.I guess that's it for now
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        eveycan2  48, Female, Illinois, USA - 5 entries
    14
    Nov 2006
    3:19 PM CDT
       

    well Mario and I still living under the same roof but ever since I have been seeing that there is no hope for us my feelings have changed so much towards Mario. I don't care what he does or how he feels about me anymore, and it's not like things have changed between him and I. You would think that since I dont pay as much attention to him as I was before that he would grow a little closer to me but that is not the case. Not to mention I was at a club 2 weeks ago and I saw this girl that Mario and I know, she was telling me that at a picnic over the summer her cousin and Mario hit it off, she said that her cousin liked him and they exchanged phone numbers...and get this..........she's a stripper!!!! Well when I confronted him he said that all he did was help her get a job at a strip joint that he used to go to..oh yeah, that helped!! Im so over this stage in my life, and ready to move on, my b-day was last week 11/3 and im now 30 years old, Id say it's time to get my real life started and stop living a lie!! It's time to move on. Im going to do just that. I need to relocate for my job in 3 months anyway. Everything happens for a reason, this permotion was my savior, and made me open my eyes and realize HE WONT CHANGE, they hardly do!
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        LoserForLove6  34, Female, Virginia, USA - First entry!
    14
    Nov 2006
    11:12 AM EDT
       

    Hey Everyone.Whats up?I decided to make this journal thingy..so bleh.*dee*
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    1 comment(s) - 01:06 PM - 11/14/2006
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        Sarah  49, Female, South Carolina, USA - 3 entries
    13
    Nov 2006
    4:30 PM EDT
       

    Most of my entrys will be private so dont expect much : ]
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        GothicPrincessOfDarkness  34, Female, Washington, USA - 4 entries
    13
    Nov 2006
    3:40 PM EDT
       

    Scars:(poem) Scars can be anywhere. Scars can be visible for any reason. Scars are physical and mental. Scars leave memories. Scars tell stories that aren't always the best. Scars can come from painful relationships. Scars can come from falling off your bike when you were five. That was too long ago. The scars of today hurt too much to let go. Scars haunt you. Scars yell and scream and you. You're the only one feeling their pain and hearing their cry. My scars, I thought were my past. But as I said, scars haunt you and you return to the past which becomes the present. My scars never fade and always seem to multiply. What about yours? They may want to be alive. Or do they become wounds that cry for the grave and next thing you know, you're at your ending point? Scars leading to our suicide.
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        fiancebabyfat  36, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 3 entries
    13
    Nov 2006
    1:34 PM EDT
       

    This quote thing says "The worst thing you can try to do is cling to somethng taht is gone, or to recreate it" by Johnette Napolitano well thats a weird coincidance (cant spell) because i was thinking about my grandpa today at work and i was soo sad! he died February 3, 2006 just 10 days before my 18th birthday! it seems so selfish how i feel and think somedays! i just feel like its so unfair that he was taken from me before i could graduate! or get married or even turn 18! its just not fair! my brothers and sister got to have him at their graudations but not me!!! i just miss him so much it hurts! im using the song "can't cry hard enough" by The Williams Brothers as a memorial song for him at my wedding! if any one out there has lost a loved one this is an amazing song to listen to! to me its basically saying that "i never said the things i should have while you were here and now that your gone i cant cry hard enough for you to hear me now" those arent the words but thats what they mean to me! anyway thats enough for today! until another time!!! ~~~~~~
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