BAdams's Journal

When Gregory and I split up, I wasn't that dpressed I felt a little remorse, but nothing like losing my children. I felt my entire life was ripped out from underneath me and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it. I felt I was in a hollow existence to fake my way through life as best as I could. I was mad at the entire world for everything bad that had happened to me in my life. I've yet to let go of the past completely, things that have happened will still get me down, but I will eventually persevere.

One day everything will be fine again, matter of fact they will be great and I know that. The unsubstantial nonsense from my life will no longer exist. Friends that I thought were my friends will no longer be in my life. Patty went to court last month to testify against me, someone who I thought was my best friend for almost seven years, and someone who sort of guided me through life, let me down tremendously. She told everything she knew on me, which after seven years was quite a lot. My secrets were out and there was nothing I could do to hide anymore.

Once day my kids will be back with me where they belong and I will inevitably have my life back. It's going to take time but it will happen. I understand now more than ever that I may need help with my codependency on drugs and alcohol. I am very impulsive when I drink, uncontrollable, and often suicidal. I knew death in only the most abstract of senses; I never knew it would be something I would arrange or seek.

I burnt you a few CDs, they all say something about my life or someone in it. Your smart enough to figure it out. Hope you enjoy. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE WORDS!!! PLEASE, OF COURSE.Also I didn't get a chance to put it on any of them, but that song, "Big girls don't cry" By Fergie, that song absolutely kicks ass.

Brittany