Firstly, can I just say a very big Thank You to everybody that left a comment or email message for me. I almost keeled over when I saw how many I had. For one horrible moment I thought, while under the Influence, I had struck up some kind of deal with guido trying to make it big, in my bid for fame and success! lol. Alas, that was not the case, considering I stumbled on guido's page by pure accident, I was just lucky enough to be on the right page at the right time! lol and boy! am I glad I did!. There will be a rather large glass of either Brandy and Lemonade or Bacardi and Diet Coke raised in the air towards you all on Christmas morning lol.
Decided to miss the usual Christmas Tipple last year until way after dinner! Hmmmm. What a silly move! lol. I was too stuffed and exhausted to lift the glass let alone attempt to compete in the usual Christmas day extremely competitive games,quizzes and sing-a-longs! For there only being 3 of us, It's amazing how much noise we can muster up! lol Bet the neighbours loved the peace last year! Well this year, It will be back to normal! lol. Dinner will be on the table for no later than 2pm. I will just make sure my glass comes with me when I have my usual bath in the morning along with choccies and bath goodies. Awww. I think I just got a twinge of excitement.
For some reason, It hasn't felt very Christmassy this year. I don't know If anyone else has noticed this? or Is It maybe just me? What I do know though, Is how absolutely freezing It Is!. I took ages to heat up last night. I was wrapped up In 4 layers aswell and still couldn't get warm. Can't believe that earlier today, I agreed to have a test run for our Christmas Dinner..... lol bought a huge stuffed Pork Roast, Roast Tatties, Carrots and yorkshire puddings! Tasted amazing on Sunday!! lol Now, can you all tell we love our food here? lol.
I have the cheek to grumble about being a lot heavier than usual! Well, Hmmm, I wonder why! lol. Och, If the truth be known, This Is the one time of year that everyone should be having big hot meals and be all cosied up with the fire on doing something they love! Ooeer! within reason of course! lol Must go just now and refill my cup of tea and check the oven. Back Soon. xx
So this is the public journal.
Hello to all who can see me
Herefor all eyes to see
To write from the heart
i am free
free to express free to laugh as the words sweep over the page
Memories flood my mind and the present moves on with it's age
I will laugh I will cry
I will want to die
There is a pain within that will always stay
Brought on by one fatefull day
We move on the best that we can
We smile and I hope you will take my hand
today on my way home from dinner with my family.. as i sat in the back seat of my car... i was thinking about all my problems.. i could almost hear the background music they put in movies when the girl fights with the guy and they both look out the window at the rain.... so i started thinking... and none of that is true... so many lives end everyday without a happy ending... the stories in popular romantic songs are not true...life is just not like that... ever since i was little movies like cindirella and other disney productions have had me thinking that no matter what happens love always finds a way... and that it is so full of great surprises.. well at least the last part is true. except that the surprises are not always good ones... actually they are almost always terrible... and prince charming is dead... and chivalry died with him.. men in our generation expect to get a maid when they start a relationship.. at the beginning they can�t get enough of you... the little by little they start to show the real side of them... and let me tell you its not pretty.. my boyfriend and i (yes we�re still together) are gonna be 5 years old as acouple.. in may... and now.. i know men are jerks.... and most of the reason that life is not�a fairy tale is because of them.. all girls expect to find a prince waiting for them.. and all the guy needs to do is make that simple wish come true.. is it too much to ask for a guy to open the door for us... to hug us and give us their jacket when we�re cold... to kiss our pains gently away.. i think not... and its hard enough trying to keep the flame alive while the guy is being a total jerk sitting infront of the tv. watching football� withough them treating us so bad.... i for one. plan not to cry for a guy ever againn.. imagine.. if he treats me bad NOW... imagine if we got MARRIED!!!�
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Right now, I'm sitting in my ex's house with his parents and brother. I know why I'm here, it's to keep me sane and to maybe get some sleep for the first time all week. The problem is that while I'm sitting here, I'm trying to work, but all the while, I'm wishing he was here. I say I don't believe in love...and at this point I don't, but when I was with him I knew it existed. I can't believe that I was able to feel something so strong that it changed my life. To feel something like that is unbelievable, but to lose it is unbearable. I'm sleeping in the bed that we shared and it's just not going to be the same without him next to me. I do miss him and I do still have him in my damn, good ole heart.
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I eny every single person in the world that is happy. Weather they are rich, poor, sucessful, unsucessful, tall, short, fat, thin, white, black, american, french, I don't care I eny them all. I am jealous that every one around me knows how to laugh and smile. I am jealous of everyone that can sleep at night and wake in the morning. I am jealous of them all. Today my dad told me that happiness is (in a sense) almost "unreachable." That as you get older it gets harder and harder to come by. That when you grow up things start to control your life for you and those "things" create your happiness. Well if that is the truth that what in the hell is the point of living? From all of this I have learned a very valuable lesson a very hard way... I have learned what happiness is. I have learned that it isNOT bigger, better, farther, recongized, sucessful, rich, old, wise, beautiful.. Nohappeness is none of those things. Happiness is the fall leaves you see when you look outyour OWN back window, when you sleep in yourOWN bed, whenu laugh without trying and smile because you want to. Happiness is those friendsin the pictures that you stare at forever, it is the smell of homecooked food in the oven, its thehug thatholdsu tight andnever lets go, and its the kiss that makesyou feel special forever, Happiness is not hard, it is not jealous, and it does not eny... Happiness is unreachable.
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Charlie 36, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 4 entries