Charlie's Journal

 
    
07
Oct 2007
5:51 PM EDT
   

I eny every single person in the world that is happy. Weather they are rich, poor, sucessful, unsucessful, tall, short, fat, thin, white, black, american, french, I don't care I eny them all. I am jealous that every one around me knows how to laugh and smile. I am jealous of everyone that can sleep at night and wake in the morning. I am jealous of them all. Today my dad told me that happiness is (in a sense) almost "unreachable." That as you get older it gets harder and harder to come by. That when you grow up things start to control your life for you and those "things" create your happiness. Well if that is the truth that what in the hell is the point of living? From all of this I have learned a very valuable lesson a very hard way... I have learned what happiness is. I have learned that it isNOT bigger, better, farther, recongized, sucessful, rich, old, wise, beautiful.. Nohappeness is none of those things. Happiness is the fall leaves you see when you look outyour OWN back window, when you sleep in yourOWN bed, whenu laugh without trying and smile because you want to. Happiness is those friendsin the pictures that you stare at forever, it is the smell of homecooked food in the oven, its thehug thatholdsu tight andnever lets go, and its the kiss that makesyou feel special forever, Happiness is not hard, it is not jealous, and it does not eny... Happiness is unreachable.

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1 comment(s) - 05:59 PM - 10/09/2007
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01
Oct 2007
2:41 PM EDT
   

"You Gave My Love"
-Unknown-

You gave me time, when no one gave me time of day.
You looked deeo inside while the rest of the world looked away.
You smiled at me when there were just frowns everywhere.
You gave me love when nobody gave me a prayer.

That's why I call you savior.
That's why i call you friend.
You touched my heart,
you touched my soul.
And helped me start all over again.
That's why I love you Jesus.
That's why I'll always care,
You gave me love when nobody gave me a prayer.

You gave me laughter after I cried all my tears.
You heard my dreams while the rest of the world closed their ears.
I looked in Your eyes and I found the tenderness there.
You gave me love when nobody gave me a prayer.
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24
Sep 2007
8:02 PM EDT
   

Its sad that late at night when I need sleep more than anything, I don't want to hang up the phone and when i fianlly do say good-bye i lay there for hours hoping that you'll still call me back. Its sad that those late night conversations are practically keeping me alive and for you there just another phone call that you have to make. Its sad that i now undertand and realize that i have to move from the passenger seat of the van clear to the back... and i don't even have a seat belt to secure my seat. Its sad that waiting has become my biggest worry,its sad that motivation has becomemy biggest loss,and its even more sad that i have become my own biggestworst enemy. Its not thewaiting that keeps me up, or the hopes of my favorite ring, or the slambing of the doors, or the voices in the air... its not even you that makes my eyes wide and mind run wild. Its me. My own thoughts of time. "Time is of the essence" they always say, and to some that may be true...hell even to me at one point in my life it was true, but now i hate time.I hate this waitingroom that i am stuck in and i wish it wasdemolished! I hate that you have none of it for me and plenty of it for, friends, (fuckin videogames to say the least,)"more important"phone calls, alcohol, driving,reading, homework, studying, working, eating, sleeping, movies,family, and belive me the list goes on. And yes i do believe that some of those things need more time spent on them than i do...and I undertand that. but you will never understand why i complain and hate time untill you try to understand me.
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1 comment(s) - 03:34 PM - 09/25/2007
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24
Sep 2007
5:59 AM EDT
   

Hello everyone out there who decideds to hear about my life. This is my very frist entry and the only reason that I am really doing this is to have an out with all of these missplaced thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are always running through my mind. I am a 19 year old girl and I am a freshman at college in Ohio (its only been 5 weeks here) and to make it short and sweet... I HATE IT! Life sucks here and even when I get the opportunity to go home, life is just not the same when I go back. Therefore, I needed something that will always be consistent in my life... AKA a journal entry. I needed something/somewhere to let all all the bottled up stress and emotions that seem to be harboring and at the same time overflowing onto other ppl. and that is just not where they belong. So here it is my public journal, my personal life on a blank screen, hoping to find something that will fill the emptiness.
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Charlie's Profile

  • Username: Charlie
  • Gender / Age: Female, 36
  • Location: USA - Pennsylvania
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    About Me: My name is Charlie and I am 19 years old. I attend college in Ohio (which I really hate) and I am in the process of trying to transfer back home to Penn State.