When someone let's you down, it's the worst feeling on earth.
When you're reminded of it, that's just like dying.
Why? ..Most of us want to know why that person did such a thing to us. Simple. Out of sight is truly out of mind. The easiest thing for a person that's embaressed or ashamed, or one that has a very low self-esteem is to exit. "Escapism". So they turn their back on the mess they made, and just walk away.
Where's Karma? Where's the Universal Law? Where's the Law and the Prophets? I guess I'll never know.
There's a lot I'll never know. It's not like you get to sit back and watch the movie. You kind of have to deal with it as it happens... to you.
im writting on another journal now...theres no more use of you....
I'll see you later
never writing on you again
Monday, May 14, 2007
So, what's a person to do? I am so suicidal I could scream! I can't have friends and I don't know how to talk with my husband anymore! So, here I am God! He can't take you away from me. I need someone to talk with. I am on the verge of tears and can not figure out why. I want to end things and can't figure out how to make them better. Today Ryvanna says to me that I am the only one who can make things change. But I don't know how to make things better! I am so confused and unhappy at myself and things I have done over the years.
I seriously can not remove things from my life. I want to just forget. I don't know how to go about opening up and letting things out. I am stuck. I am forever scarred and you are my hope that keeps me going. Lord, you and I have been friends for a long time. I've left you standing many times alone and I am sorry. It's so hard for me to not connect with you because you are not exactly someone I can touch or see. Please don't think I'm being ignorant. I am trying to get myself figured out!
Sometimes I wonder where I am going to be in the next hour. I am struggling with the thought of just ending it all! Where should I start Lord? Temptation has got a huge hold on me, you know this. I don't know how to stop it! I've got so many things I want to do and most of them are pretty good thoughts. The other part of me is not satisfied with anything I am. The other part of me doesn't know where to begin.
The pool might open sometime next week. I hope so, because all my friends are asking "Is the pool open?" As usual, I am surfing YouTube watching Digimon episodes, so that was fun last night. We had a babysitter, and my sis made a huge cookie we couldn't even get it off the plate, so we filpped it with another plate. OMG was that funny!