Monday, May 14, 2007
So, what's a person to do? I am so suicidal I could scream! I can't have friends and I don't know how to talk with my husband anymore! So, here I am God! He can't take you away from me. I need someone to talk with. I am on the verge of tears and can not figure out why. I want to end things and can't figure out how to make them better. Today Ryvanna says to me that I am the only one who can make things change. But I don't know how to make things better! I am so confused and unhappy at myself and things I have done over the years.
I seriously can not remove things from my life. I want to just forget. I don't know how to go about opening up and letting things out. I am stuck. I am forever scarred and you are my hope that keeps me going. Lord, you and I have been friends for a long time. I've left you standing many times alone and I am sorry. It's so hard for me to not connect with you because you are not exactly someone I can touch or see. Please don't think I'm being ignorant. I am trying to get myself figured out!
Sometimes I wonder where I am going to be in the next hour. I am struggling with the thought of just ending it all! Where should I start Lord? Temptation has got a huge hold on me, you know this. I don't know how to stop it! I've got so many things I want to do and most of them are pretty good thoughts. The other part of me is not satisfied with anything I am. The other part of me doesn't know where to begin.
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