Lost's Journal

27

May 2007
6:56 PM EDT

omg i don't know were to start ok so i don't remember if i told you about the bad dream i was having about my fireman but it so kinda came true but ot really it just freaked me out and i huess he kinda pasted i mean i did stay there that night but i don't know it is crazy i hate this i get so stupid when it comes to him i have no idea why it so sucks

24

May 2007
11:47 PM EDT

took new pics for myspace today life has been crazy this few days but now i'll just try and leave you with the highlights because time is something i don't have alot of i saw pritates 3 and all i have to say is i wish that i can oe day find some one to be my will turner

17

May 2007
8:02 AM EDT

i saw him last night get this he text me he wanted to see me that is a super plus still really clueless on whats doing on between us though but i like it whatever it is oh on other news while mommy is trying to put her life back together she is ripping mine apart nice huh well don't know if she knows she is or not cause i can't every get her on the phone for more than two mints well whatever lots to do i leave tomorrow for the windy city

16

May 2007
6:35 PM EDT

it been days seen i last saw the fireman but since i have been have bad dreams about him so i guest maybe thats a sign that maybe this whatever it was is done or that something bad is coming soon but i would rather it just be done than something bad to come cause i have enough bad in my life right now and i really don't need any more

16

May 2007
6:30 PM EDT

my mom is failing apart and i can't do anything not even give her a hug and tell her everything well work out she so far gone she doesn't have time or the energy to talk to me on the phone and i don't blame her i mean the love of her life is wasting away in a jail cell its killing me that the most important person in my hole life is hurting so badly any i can't do anything at all i know i'm suppose to be happy i'm going on this trip to get this award but how can i when my mom is hurting so badly what am i suppose to do i just can't deal with all this on my own and for the first time my mom can't help me she can't even help herself right now

15

May 2007
9:48 PM EDT

so i'm really not into wirting about this right now so i'll hit the high light my step dads in jail my mom is falling apart i'm going to chiacgo friday and um well thats about it other than my oldest brother is getting married on th 25th and i still can't go

1 comment(s) - 10:38 PM - 05/27/2007

12

May 2007
12:12 PM EDT

i meat some of the firemans new freinds last night and good i huess it was kinda like his was telling people i was his girl but then again he was being a jerck to sometimes and that sucked but last night we just super knocked out we didn't eve play we feel asleep on the couch first then they woke us up and we stumbled to bed it was so funny

10

May 2007
7:38 PM EDT

okay so this is really kid of said i'm going to kick it with the fireman tomorrow and i'm looking forward to that but tomorrow i'm not looking forward to i have to work for little man first thing in the morning and i am so not looking forward to that i just really don't know what to think but i do know what i'm going to do i'm going to get up and get there eary and do my job to the best of my ability and that will hopfully be enough

10

May 2007
7:29 PM EDT

okay so today i'm really starting to think the military is taking more from my life then it is bettering it my oldest brothers fiance told me today the she and my brother are getting married on the 25th of this month and i wont be able to go home for there wedding and i already missed my cusions wedding and my family reuion last year i will have been in the military one year on the 30th of this month and so far it has taken more then it has given

10

May 2007
7:25 PM EDT

okay so i now know how parents feel when there kids don't vheck in one of my best friends weremissing for a few hours and i thought the worst and feel apart but she is totally fine and safe now but thats not the worst part the one we will call little man that gives me so much crap at work and basiclly is the reason why work is always so bad or that i have really bad days at work he mad it so bad and now he is in a word of trouble which means my life is going to get alot worst before it gets better unless they move me or him so he isn't my supovior any more

07

May 2007
1:13 PM EDT

okay so today well work sucks but thats getting better well correction i'm getting better at handling it anyway still thinking on what the whole i still have the sweatshirt thing means if it means anything at all although it must because its his favorite sweatshirt but or wise pretty mellow

06

May 2007
9:05 PM EDT

okay so i totally had a bad day i told you that already but i though about mothers day in a week and started on my moms mothers day gift and started working on it then i just ended up kicking it with the boys and fireman so i have had his favorite sweatshirt for like almost a week and i had it with me today giving him a chance to get it back if he wanted it and he didn't take it and plus oen of his close friends told me earlier that he would fight me for this sweatshirt and he just let me take it back with me i'm thinking this is a good sign i love it

06

May 2007
2:06 PM EDT

okay so i have to get out of here i can't take the people at my job anymore its not even all of them i just can't deal i hate this i need some kind of freedom from this place or i will go crazy i need a new shift or just a whole new base i can't stand it anymore its to much to deal with and not have a place to turn too that feels like home or a safe haven you know i mean don't get me wrong i would love for my fireman to be that but i don't know if he is up for it though it is a lot to ask of one man i just need some help its not that im high maintenance its just i am a very intelligent person so i don't like or tolerate when people talk down to me or treat me inferior to them in any kind of way and i know that is kind of what the military about but it is also about respect and the people i work with don't give it at all not even when its earned and with me you have to give it to get it and above all else you have to earn it

05

May 2007
9:03 PM EDT

okay i know this is my journal and all but i just want to show you a little of why i like him so much i'm going to show you what he posted on one of his blogs Broken ( The Characteristics)` The Darkness comes out of the light , The ever growing. I have come a long away from where ive come from but im still not even close to where im going. The Fire in my heart is dying and the seal ive broke is done. has only led me bad to hell , growing weaker now. Inside the peices grow back together Why did I ever choose to go this way I Guess it was my instant force of destruction The Fire in my eyes is burning throughout Growing Stronger Now , Seems that im doing fine. First and Formost. Its lucky , Has only led me back to Hell. Growing Weaker now , but Im broke into little peices here Inside Growing Stronger now i mean wow that is so deep don't you think

05

May 2007
8:48 PM EDT

i wish this you know things with my fireman where real i mean to the point where he will see me and say theres my girl hug me and kiss me and everything be alright i don't know i just want a fairytale and because of him i believe in them again i know that can can be and is a hero i just know want him to be mine and for it to be spoke and not unspoke i want him to know how i feel and feel the same way is that to much to ask i don't think so

05

May 2007
8:38 PM EDT

okay so i had a really crumy day at work not surprise there but any way im still stuck on the fireman and cant say i know any more than i use to on the front of how he feels about me but the more i learn about him the more and more i like him he is so sweet and deep and caring anyway i'm so stuck its not funny but in my quest to get a new base my ex we will call him italy is trying to get me to his base in italy again but now he is trying harder than when we were together sometimes i wonder about what it would have been if i did go to his base but then somehow my fireman shows up some how and everything is super great again like this moring i was feeling as moncos and i he walked in i was feeling all better and soon after he left i felt all mocos again

02

May 2007
1:41 PM EDT

so yea yesterday i was having a day of it and crying and crap so my home girl wanted to kick and go the club and i figured sence i was trppin anyway i should suck it up and go but lately everything has been all about my home girl and i just can't deal with it now cause i got my own shit to deal with and everytime i try and take care of it she stat trippin and be like don't tell me this is about a boy your not kicking it with me cause of a boy and all kinds of crazyness but yet whenever her phone rings she got to got its a hina and she needs to take care of it or she could be having an issue with a hina and we as in me and her have to deal with it solve her problems and shit i just can't take it very much longer i can't deal with her crap and try and figure my own stuff with the fireman and plus her and all the stuff with work i don't know i just i don't know maybe i'm trippin

01

May 2007
12:29 PM EDT

OMG i don't know whats wrong with me he came in to the job today my fireman you know and i totally spazed i mean i got butterflies and everything it was so sick and then i really really wanted to talk to him and then i didn't get the chance and so then i really felt sick and so just wanted to come straight home and cry i don't even know why i feel like this it is so bad and i super extra don't want to hear my friends crap about me spazing like this cause A) i don't know why i am and B) i can't even being to control it let alone stop it and i'm so sure he has no clue oh how i wish he knew how i wish he could just read my thoughts no matter how fast i might think them if he could just read my mind this wouldn't be so hard and i wouldn't be such a nut or may be i would be but at least then someone would understand me

30

Apr 2007
8:38 PM EDT

its not far one of my friends is having a tough time dealing with being away from him girl and home and talking all kinds of crap like offing him self and stuff but i think that is weak as hell i mean some stuff i get but him he is just copping out and thats totally crap to me his doing all this cause they said he can't go home cause he didn't pass his test and can't go home for like three months now and plus he still got to pass his test and now he aint hardly even tryin

30

Apr 2007
8:06 PM EDT

i don't know if he even knows i like him for real and i'm pretty sure he doesn't i know every thing is cool kinda the way it is we chill together sometimes i kinda always make it possible though so i think i'm going to chill now and see if he makes first contact now i hate waiting but i hating the feeling of my heart breaking more so i'm going to wait and besides i always have my dreams witch are really good though i wish they would happen for real they are still good

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Lost's Profile

Username: Lost

Gender / Age: Female, 38

Location: USA - Washington

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