Lost's Journal

30

Apr 2007
8:01 PM EDT

okay so i don't know how to put it i get crush i like the idea of love i like the feelings i get i like boys and my friends well one in general kinda gets on me about it but i can't help it she gets to do the same with no crap from me so why is it when she finds out that i'm not just messing around with a guy that i actually like him i get crap

26

Apr 2007
12:44 PM EDT

oh and after today i won't even act like i'm friends with this one airmen it is stirckly all business between us i an so for reall not even for play play i didn't even know where she came out of this with but she started trippin on me and all i did was go to the bathroom and not i'm aalways acting like the victim thats fine i see how she really feels about me i'm so supre done i don't care anymore i just need to be left totally and completely alone for the next 5 years 1 month and 4 days

26

Apr 2007
12:40 PM EDT

today at work made up my mind for me i'm done i will do the next 5 years one month and 4 days and then i'm done never again and not any longer not even a second i am so for real i am not even close to playing i would rather go back and severe a life senctece at a school so prejudice that even the most naeve girl could feel it then to do this or do one second longer than i have to here

26

Apr 2007
12:37 PM EDT

last night i went to this poetry slam and it was so awsome i couldn't beleive how good it could feel to share my work and for people to actually want to here it and be intrested it was totally amazing

25

Apr 2007
4:52 PM EDT

i haven't told TK how i feel yet but i think i will do it tonight because he just told me he was all super busy with school but as a girlfriend i don't want to be put in some neat little compartment of someones life i want to be involed in all of it and i'm not just a sex toy that you just hit up when you want some and this hole secret girlfriend thing i can't do that i don't know how i don't feel i should have too i hate feeling like someones dirty little secret and thats how i feel we im suppose to be a sercet

25

Apr 2007
4:30 PM EDT

okay anyway i had i pretned PT test today and it hurt but i did good i guess but yea i'm still on the fireman hmm he makes me believe in movie love again it is said but it is so fun to believe again it felt so real and i loved it now i know i don't ever have to settle and i wont stop until i have it for my own and for the rest of my life and as if life doesn't have its on funny irony TK just texted me crazy huh

23

Apr 2007
3:25 PM EDT

oh and as for TK its a wrap because actions speak louder than words and im done with it all together he made his choice he had his chance and now i'm moving on

23

Apr 2007
3:24 PM EDT

okay so kicking it last night i was kicking it with some friends but i meet one of the fire fighters but i don't know most of the time it a one hit thing like i would like him for the night and then they would try to sleep with me and i would be done but now this time it is so different he he didn't even try to sleep with me last night and he has the cutest accent and the perfect touch i mean the perfect touch i mean movie perfect and he listens and he gave me a back message that felt so good and today i just can't stop thinking about him all i want to do is be with him said huh yea i know pretty pathetic but i still can't get him off my mind i really like him really anyway whatever i'm out

23

Apr 2007
3:01 PM EDT

okay so i wne tout with some firends to give one of my home boys his last herra because he got deployed today i will miss him but i know he will be okay and that he will come back

23

Apr 2007
2:56 PM EDT

okay so i went to see disturba and that movie is sooooo super bomb i had a great time everyone should go see it

15

Apr 2007
9:53 PM EDT

okay so i didn't see TK last night and i wont see him tonight its wired but good he told me light where he was and what he was doing yesterday but to day i loved it he told me early what his plans where and what was going to happen so i guess we are taking baby steps but we are getting there okay on other notes he don't want anyone to know really and its okay with me mostly but i have a few friends that are great people but like me hate being lied to so i had to tell them and tell them the deal so that i didn't lie to them really made a new friend today and that was cool i thought of TK most of the day i wonder if he thinks about me half as much as i think of him i doubt it

15

Apr 2007
12:12 AM EDT

okay so on the dad front he said i still owe to much so he is just going to give me five hundred dollars so i'll all whatever you know i know is just him trying to buy my off again any i am so real when i say once i get my money where i am paying for me and me only he can keep his green love i wont need it and trust i never wanted it and on the TK front i don't get him he says its not just sex but all it feels like is sex i don't know i guess i'll figure it out in the end right now i'm going to finish cleaning up my room and then try and finish my first book its one of a five set and now i have all five

14

Apr 2007
11:55 PM EDT

okay i went out for a change i went to the movies with some friends and we saw a perfect stranger that movie was sooooo great i loved it you should so go see it it is amazing

12

Apr 2007
8:59 PM EDT

oh by the way dad calls me today all you don't call me and i haven't heard from you because me sister just left again and so he says he wants to pay my bills no one can every tell me he doesn't try to either buy my love or just pay me because he loves my siblings more will i could use the money so i'm not going to trun it down but i still don't like this but it does help me to get to where i want to be faster because i have to start with fixing the problems my mom made first before i can be my own person but trust once i am the money stops because i i'm not good enough for his time then i don't want his money

12

Apr 2007
8:41 PM EDT

okay so i am like totally into will i'll call him TK same guy from before the one i though was only in it for the sex but he said that he wants to try and commit and for us thats super hard because we will be away from each other for long periods of time pretty soon and very often but here is the thing i am afraid to be with him but i don't want to be with out him i really have strong feelings for him and i don't want to because i have this feeling i just know he will hurt me and i don't want to be hurt i really don't i have been hurt enough in my life i just really don't know what to do should i go ahead and just be with him for as long as it last and then when its over just be hurt learn how to live through it and just hope that there are enough good times for it to be worth the hurt or do i save the time and i guess some pain and just not do this i never felt like this before i don't know you know i started this and named it lost because of TK and i was good when i was running from TK trying to make him nothing but whenever i'm around him i get stupid i just don't know

09

Apr 2007
8:35 PM EDT

so today was sooo perfect i just want to thank god because i know it was only him that could have given me such a blessed day

09

Apr 2007
3:02 PM EDT

so everything is going great i finished two out of the three test i have to take two quaify to take my EOC my room is clean i feel great i didn't have to work today i just feel so much better about life it is like im high of of life like i use to be when i was little i love it

08

Apr 2007
7:14 PM EDT

so i was told that on of the guys i work with likes me but the person who told me isn't very trust worthy so i don't know how much i such believe it but i don't know how i feel about the guy i know he intrigues me he isn't like anyone i every meat before he reminds me of a guy in a movie the one chirstain slater plays in the movie untamed hearts but he isn't slow or nothing he is the type that keeps to him self mostly what i do know is that he like my friend alot and she likes him kinda the thing is she is a lisbean and so she doesn't want to hurt him because she really really is into girls and she won't change and i don't know i don't need that type of mess in my life right now or ever

08

Apr 2007
6:58 PM EDT

it funny i got invited to sunday dinner with some of my co workers and it was nice a little wired but cool i liked feeling like on of them like a family you know

07

Apr 2007
8:29 PM EDT

so i figured that i'm going to male out a schedule for my day to day life and maybe i won't be so aware of the loneliness in my life but mostly it will make me happy and bring structcher to my life

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Lost's Profile

Username: Lost

Gender / Age: Female, 38

Location: USA - Washington

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