Lost's Journal

13

Mar 2007
9:12 PM EDT

okay so i sent him an email today telling him how i feel about every thing and then after work he invited me over to kick it and that was totally cool and we didn't even bring it up but it was nice i really really like him and i can tell because he shows me that he like me and we get along so well and we vibe and hang out and its not just once and he doesn't act like he doesn't know me whn other are around and he doesn't mind being seen with me what do i do about her though????????????

1 comment(s) - 09:11 AM - 03/14/2007

12

Mar 2007
9:04 PM EDT

okay so today was a hard one because me my home girl and we will just call him ads were chillin with one of my or friends and she said something and it just pissed me off so much and hurt me too but i don't know why it just did and he seem to care but i don't know i don't belive him i'm just going to let him go i seem to do that alot you know just let people go but its whatever i just don't know it hurts i hate being hurt but i don't know i know he isn't mine but he could do so much better than her and i guess thats what hurts the most i don't know i don't think i can be either one of there friends and more i just can't watch them together i don't know how i'm going to be around them now i don't know it was just hangin with him i felt so close to him and i just got so happy when i was around him but now i know its not true

12

Mar 2007
11:53 AM EDT

crazy isn't it how to poeple could want the same thing but at differnet time isn't when he wanted to marry me i wasn't sure he was ready witch made me not ready but now that i'm sure and i want to marry him he isn't sure he is ready and wants to wait and i understand that because he has to sure that this i mean i am what he truly wants becasue it really isn't going to be easy and he has to be prepared to lose me and i just know in my heart that he isn't ready for something like that now and sad part i know in my heart that he will never be ready for that and it hurts because he is the one for me i he is the one i want my happy being to be with i don't want it to be a happy ending like everyone says because it should be a beinging not an ending

10

Mar 2007
9:49 PM EDT

its said because after today i look out at the world around me and don't trust any of it i feel so alone but i am serounded by people i one don't trust two half i no longer like and the said part is i am suppose to trust that this people have my back cover when we go to war like i'm suppose to have theirs covered i don't know i just really need some help right now i don't know what to do anymore i not a baby i don't want to go home that its going to solve anything i still beleive in the things i believed in that made me sign thew paper to sign my life over to the serivce but it hard for me now because i am also starting to believe that maybe what i beleive in is a lie that i just bought into for so long like a fool and i don't really now know how i can go to work and do my job now because i am starting to lose all faith well not in my job so much as my actual job like i still right now anyway believe in what my job is for and the mission that my job has but it my actual job job more like my work place i don't believe in anymore and i can't be an effective troop thinking this way i don't know i think i just need more time

10

Mar 2007
9:41 PM EDT

so i didn't do anything last night but my friend came over and we hung out till really late it was nice but you know what ever

10

Mar 2007
9:38 PM EDT

okay so i had a really bad day at woek today and for the first time in my life i can really say to i regret the chocie i made to join the service thats how bad to day was i have never ever regetted anything i have ever done in my hole life until today honestly i lost my faith in what i do now its like in one day i lost what i stand for or more like it was stripped for me and show to be a lie that i was sold hook line and sanker and that realy hurts i'm trying to find away back to where i was before today happen i'm trying to find belief in what my job is i don't know it just really hurts and today i feel as if i found out that everything i went though to be here since i left home was a lie and everything that i'm doing now is a lie and the next six years of my life will be one big lie and one really big mistake

09

Mar 2007
3:40 PM EDT

ahhhhhhhh what shuold i wear i dont know i'm all lost and i'm still kinda thinking if i should call and see if he wants to go and if i do ask him should i ask if my home girl wants to go cause she called last night when he was here and she was like what are you doing and he was like chillin with Diamond and then she was all OH so you want me to let you go and he said yeah so now i'm not to sure how its going to be should i chill just me and him tonight again caused i loved it but i don't know how it will be now with her and the two of us you know what i'm tripin nothin happen nothing even came close to happening so its all good imma go find something to wear now

09

Mar 2007
3:30 PM EDT

okay so i want to go out tonight to see three hundred and i want to go to dinner i think i want to go with the guy cause we had fun last night we he came ouver i just feel so comfortable around him and he has such a smooth voice he talled me to sleep last night he was such a gentlemen about it though he got up as soon as i reawken and said he would let me go to sleep and he would come back over tomorrow i thought that was so cool but anyway yea i like it will him but anyway i have to shower and get all dolled up and dressed up because i just feel like it i haven't been all done up in a while so imma go for it it my home boy will let me barrow his truck when he is at work

08

Mar 2007
7:18 PM EDT

okay so my home girl has this guy she kinda likes but only enough to play with him not enough to be with him for real because she want to be with someone esle and the other person want to be with her to so the guy she plays with i think is starting to like me and i think i'm starting to like him so if we hook up is the bad i mean she doesn't want him i he and i have so much in common so why shouldn't we be together we desvere to be happy right

08

Mar 2007
7:04 PM EDT

okay so i never want to be anyones drity little serect and that is what i feel i am with the guy i have been seening so i think i want to be no wait i know i don't want to be a secect so if thats how it has to be we if there is a we to him cause it seems like we are just cut biddies and i hate the fact that i'm un sure but whatever it was its done because thats not what i'm about and i want need and have eraned much much more

21

Feb 2007
12:20 AM EDT

work bit the big one now and well whatever i really miss him right now how crazy is that but here is a new kicker my best friend tells me that he never really got over me and doesn't want to he just moves on because he feels he has too and man oh man why did he have to go and say that i mean yea i still love him and always will but i just can't be with him because i could never really trust him there will always be the two other girls in his past i don't know its what ever i guess it will have to stay the way it is as us being friends but here is the thing i had a cut buddy awhile back and now that I'm kinda seeing my guy i don't know what to tell him because he and my guy know each other and don't like each other but I'm still not sure what my guy calls us so to me yea he is my boyfriend but i don't know what i am to him and so i don't know how to tell my buddy why we can't get down like we use to i just used work and sleep until now but now we both have the same days off and baby comes back in like a day but i don't want to cheat on him i know he care for me and we both have trust issues so i don't want to losses his trust before i have earned it all the way well any way love is crazy the heart and the mind don't agree one will break or the other will go crazy either way I'm once again lost in the world of what to do next

19

Feb 2007
3:32 PM EDT

so i spring my ankle snowboarding and can work after i have worked so hard to prepare for all the inspection thats came up today and all i could do was sit there and watch i couldn't do anything and every one but me was getting all kinda of anything to do or credit for helping or making it possible for stuff i had worked so hard for people didn't even want it got it i mean all i want to do in live is stand on the side lines and help make someone else great go done in history but today i didn't even get to help i had to watch

16

Feb 2007
6:14 PM EDT

so yea i didn't get to finish my last entry but need lest to say i had a bad day at work i'm lot calmer not so its all good i get to move to day i'm soooooooo happy now it great and i get to go snowboarding for the first time on Sunday i'm pumped about that too and well i'm just going to call him my boyfriend who is it going to hurt other than me no one right right so anyway my boy friend comes home on Thursday yea i can't wait plus Thursday well be the first day that my job can relax cause that will be the first day after the inspection and i'm off that day its all to the good but anyway thats it for now

16

Feb 2007
1:45 PM EDT

okay i was having a bomd day at work and trying to keep the spirt with me but i tell you tthe devil tryed and trried until ihe got it casue i tell you the people at my job sure took my joy from me today i lost it im mean they wait good until the last min and they wasnt to come at me with some old

14

Feb 2007
10:34 PM EDT

it was once said that the person who has it all knows he really has nothing and know in confused what does the person who has nothing know that he really has nothing because i don't know what i have but i think it is nothing and i just want to know why now i mean i miss him and he has only been gone for alittle bit but thats okay i just don't know who to talk too so i write

14

Feb 2007
10:24 PM EDT

i'm still very lost but after the week i have had i understand that i think the man that i love cares for me in the same way it is still not clear what the lable is on us but thats okay i guess i know that he cares for me and right now thats enough for me so with that i step out on faith and pray that this time it doesn't let me fall

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Lost's Profile

Username: Lost

Gender / Age: Female, 38

Location: USA - Washington

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