Lost's Journal

06

Apr 2007
7:32 PM EDT

why am i so messed up in the head but on the plus side i might be getting out of the party thing let me check right quick well i'm most def going out so i got book but i might be super no not might i will be super sleepy at work tomorrow but only for a few hours cause i get off early but anyway gotta hit the shower one

06

Apr 2007
6:58 PM EDT

okay big party tonight kinda nevevous but no big right i mean i'll find a way home i hope i just found out that my account is once again over drawin again i can't keep doing this i know i owe my mom my life but she is starting to kill me just alot a bit

06

Apr 2007
6:31 PM EDT

so i talked to my best friend i didn't tell him what i was going through kinda cause he didn't have time but he did make me feel better i love that he can do that with his voice the love power and caring and safty in his voice makes my world alright

06

Apr 2007
6:22 PM EDT

so my home girl wants me to go out tonight and i kinda want to i just don't know i don't fell okay well its just what to you do when you don't feel safe outside of your own domain meaning you room i put on armor to go to work but i don't want to be at war whenever i step out of me room

06

Apr 2007
3:15 PM EDT

so today at work it was pretty bad kinda but i didn't let it get to me and i'm not sure i might have lost a friend or two but it don't bother me i'm cool

05

Apr 2007
8:09 PM EDT

oh man oh man my homeboy has his little brother well not little just younger brother but anyway he treats him like crap it is so bad i feel bad for him cause he just takes it its so bad but anyway whatever i don't take it or let him take it when they are around me anyway

05

Apr 2007
7:13 PM EDT

okay so i think i'm kinda falling for my bestfriend again said i know but its only when i talk to him like everyday and he is so super sweet and i so like him it is so said i know

05

Apr 2007
7:04 PM EDT

i told my jerk play brother that i got married while he was was away and now he is so pissed and it is really great i was going to tell him that i was just playing but now I'm thinking I'm going to let it ride for a while

04

Apr 2007
7:47 PM EDT

it crazy to other i'm so strong but to me i'm soooooooooo weak i don't get it i guess its true that you are your own worst credic but i don't know i think i'm going to stick with this 40 days 40 nights more than just that i only seen that guy like twice once that day he found out and once when he was drunk so thats a rap

04

Apr 2007
7:24 PM EDT

this guy i use to call my play brother came back from leave today i don't get it though i work so much hard then he does and get in way less trouble then he does but he has been home more time then just about anyone he uses everyone but not me anymore i down being used my everyone i guess that too is whats wrong with me i feel used by the world and i think i really want help but i don't trust very many and i really don't trust anyone in my chain of command i hate this i just want to be happy and not feel lonely all the time is that to mush to ask

04

Apr 2007
7:19 PM EDT

you know its funny it takes my world to get twisted all super upside down for me to get all the back entires cought up i just realized that i still need to clean my room for inspections i just feel so weak and tired all the time when i'm not being fake at work and plus work has been super hader since i know have like all the responsablitiy in the world

04

Apr 2007
7:16 PM EDT

okay so my computer crashed because of this virus and i think i crashed with it but i don't get why or at least i didn't but now i have a good idea its because i have kinda become a creature of habit and now that my ruteen is broken i feel like someone has come in and messed up my world all over again i hate this

01

Apr 2007
3:44 PM EDT

i went to church today it was weird not becuase it was church or nothing but because i didn't feel anything like i normally do it church but i guess it is just not the church for me i'll try a different place to go or just watch a service on T.V or something i don't know i guess just believing and praying is enough i don't know i guess with gods help i'll figure it out in the end

31

Mar 2007
10:52 PM EDT

i think i'm going to go see a doctor you know just someone to talk to someone who can't tell me what i have to do or i'll get in trouble and someone who wont tell my business plus someone who wont act like my friend and then dog me later which by the way is what i have been getting from my friends alot late well whatever they are not my friends i don't have and friends but thats okay i'm fine with that no wait i do have one but he lives on the other side of the country but whatever

31

Mar 2007
10:42 PM EDT

so i got the stomach flu and i'm really getting deployed and my family meaning my grandma for one is worried about me she called me today i need to write her more i just haven't really had time but i guess you should know that i haven't really had the time to wirte you either but its all good what eber i'll write her i just have so much on my mind

01

Apr 2007
9:40 AM EDT

hmmm not much to say now still thinking about deploying but in a new level it has brought me to a whole new cleartiy on my art work i'll try and post a picture of it when i'm done but then again my art is now mostly pain so probly not crazy how that works i'm only good in my art work when i'm a trouchered artist said i know but it works

21

Mar 2007
5:46 PM EDT

so today has been pretty cool all but the part when i was counting on someone to come though for me and they let me down but lets just pray i don't get in alot of troubles for it but any ways one of my fish died the other day and that really sucked it was the younger one too oh i missed my volleyball game today for the first time but it wont be the last i think for reals that i'm quieting the team it not fun when people are always on your case when you mess up and your nothing but supportive when they mess up plus its un need stress and that is the last thing i need right now sad i just thought about it i'm going to have to create my will soon becasue i have to have one before i deploy talk about downer nothing says i believe i'm about to die like making a will that tells me they really don't count on all of us coming home when they send us out

20

Mar 2007
6:39 PM EDT

hmmmm i just need to man up for real things have been hurting my feelis like crazy and my friends don't seem to understand and then the people who are seeming anyway to understand are people i viewed as week so oes that know make me week i think so but anyway for all those that want to know what when down with the guy turns out he is in to heavier set brighter skined women so not me at all its cool his lost i was at the mall the other day sunday on my day off and i meet this guy he is for sure in to me we have been talking and texting every day but i'm not going to get all worked up over him i mean don't get me wrong he is magea fine but i don't really want to start anything with any one because its not fair to the i get deployed in september for like four to six months and there is the very real chance that i don't come back at all so i really don't want to hurt anyone like that its not right for someone to get all into me and then i up and have to leave and have them worry for like half a year praying i come back to them i mean yea it would help me to know i have someone to come home to someone to fight for someone to live for but to be fair i would rather just fight for the chance to get all those things

15

Mar 2007
6:38 PM EDT

i talked to my home boy today and he seemed better witch is good but i was thinking and i don't really want to play theses games with Armondo that is the guy i likes name and he likes me or at least thats what he said when i was mad at him abput the girl but it crazy because to me if we both know we like each other why not be together or aleast talk about it began something well whatever i don't know i just want him i guess he and i are so right for each other we have so much in common

1 comment(s) - 09:04 AM - 03/16/2007

15

Mar 2007
12:53 PM EDT

okay right so my home boy just turned 20 on the eighth and his dad calls him yesturday and tells him his mom has lied to him his hole life and that he wasn't his real dad and the women that his reaised him that he knows as his grandmother isn't and so now he feels like his hole life has been a lie i'm so lost i don't i don't know how to help him i mean yea i could tey to get him to see thing the way i do blood don't always been better i really don't get along with my blood i make my own family the poeple whi i can count on to be there though good and the bad and all the in the middle are my family i pick my family becasue the ones i was given suck but i don't know everyone doesn't think like me well let me go talk to him see if he is any better today

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Lost's Profile

Username: Lost

Gender / Age: Female, 38

Location: USA - Washington

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