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Wow, it has been a loooong time since I wrote. I have just been too busy to get on the computer, much less come on here. A lot has happened since the day I got my nose pierced. I broke my ankle 2 weeks ago, but it's almost better now thank goodness. And I also lost my friends. I guess it's just teenage drama but I'll let you know what happened anyway simply for the fact that I need to vent and I can't trust anyone else. I know you won't tell. lol So anyways, my friends have helped me with my stuff the past 2 weeks. Ya know getting around school and everything since I was on crutches and whatnot. So one of my best friends got a new phone. The next day it fell out of her pocket book and broke while she was helping me. Now, apparently, it's my fault. She has practically the whole school hating me and every one is calling me a b**** and saying I'm rude and blah blah blah. I have never gotten so many hate texts in my life! Well, I had an emotional meltdown at school today and I did the unthinkable-I cried. In front of everyone. And not once, but twice. I hate crying in front of people; it makes me feel so weak and vulnerable. Well, now I'm friendless and every one hates me. I didn't even do anything! I mean, I know people who are guilty always say that but I am honestly telling the truth! I. did. nothing. wrong. But, of course everyone blames me, the crippled. I always get blamed for everything! So, like, literally the whole school hates me. Every time I hobble by they whisper about me like I can't even hear them. But oh well. This too shall pass, and karma's a beast. They will soon regret ever giving me up. And if they don't then I didn't really need them to begin with. Right? I don't need them and their drama and their talking about people. I may be a "b****" but at least I'm a nice one. And I really do believe that I'm a good friend. Others might not think that but who cares? I'll eventually find some one who is a true friend; some one who is worth my time and my tears. I regret crying, I really do. I think they were tears of anger. I think I know why the loners at school are...well...loners. It is probably best to be a loner. At least you don't have to put up with anyone's bullcrap. But I am a Libra, a social butterfly. I just have to socialize or I will go insane! I just don't know what to do. I guess I will try to be a loner since no one wants to talk to me. Since I have become a leper. *sigh* Why do things have to crash and burn right when life is starting to get good? But maybe life wasn't getting good then, maybe it's getting good now. Maybe I was supposed to break my ankle so that I would open my eyes and realize (I rhymed heehee) that my "friends" were wearing a big fat mask the whole time. True, it does hurt. A whole year of friendship went right down the toilet, but maybe it's for the best. Like a quote by Publilious Syrus, "A friendship that can end never really began." Maybe our friendship never even began. So, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm gonna just go to school and hold my head held high and act like being hated don't bother me. Now that that little rant is over with I am gonna go read some before bed. Wish me luck and merry Christmas everyone!

Hey journal, My attitude is so bad of course I have cronic enxiety which is not good. But I should not let my enxiety controle my or my image. People out there if you have a problem with attitude or fitts or some kind of problem cool it down by takina walk or eating or even taking a couple of deep breathes. �

How do you ever get threw life knowing u have done alot� of f****ing up!! i have sooo damn much ..like right now i amd trying really hard to stay sobor but i take it out on my man...he has� stuck by me when i was in jail he was all i had!! i didnt have anyone else i didnt feel like i needed anyone else either! but now its just i am not use to life this way its soo hard cause i amd use to drinking and being high and now its like how do you deal with life� when u have done the stuff so so long its like i am a different person its crazy but i am scared i am pushing him away� dont want that i really dont!! someone help me please!!

Theres been alot on my mind as of late, and yet its still hard to type down. get it type? lol that was stupid but I couldnt help my self.. I've become so tired from stressing over school, and guys.�They dont seen to get the msg when I tell the to f-off. Why? cause their tools who think Im easy when really, Im not. They dont realize that I have self respect and am not about to get rid of it either. Guys piss me off so much. Sry if thats offensive to any of you guys. Im starting to belive that they do in fact�think more with their *junk* then their head.�once again sry�lol. And yes I am aware of the fact that not all guys are like this, but a good amount are, and frankly its getting old.�On the upside I think i did a fairley well on my�exams. though I know I most likely wont pass my�Art 2 class do to the fact that my art teacher hates me for some reason which I still have yet to figure out. And know I�have not said anything offensiive or rude to him, just so thats clear. My 16th came and left with well nothing new. I still dont have�a car�cause ,y parents thought "hey lets have her�take driver ed during the�winter!" Really? THERE IS�NO DRIVERS ED DURING THE WINTER!!! sheesh. I of course had explained this to�them and yet they�failed to accept�that for once i was right and�they were wrong. i know that sounds concede and all, but sadly�true.�Well its time to go for know, ttyl

so im still at school and im soooooo bored.!!!!!!! but im happy also. i get to go hang out with my bf. just me and him. FINALLY! we haven't been alone in so long. but oh well. hanging out with bf and friends at the same time is cool and fun. except when they start to embarasse you. :) but i love them. bniacw... haha. bye

I have decided to� share my thoughts.� I was suppose meet up with a friend for dinner tonight.�

The dinner date did not happen because we became upset with one another.� I am single.

I worked 23hrs of overtime last week.� What kind of social life can one have with working so much over time, especially when I am working like that weekly?

I will be back to share my thoughts on another day.� Purchased Dr.Phils "The Ultimate Weight Solution"...purchased it at second hand store...for $2.00

My first book of Dr. Phil McGraw was much much more and I still didnt finish it..I like the self-help�books.� However, knowing about one self is not enough to fixing oneself. Knowing and applying is essential to self-help.� I�need lots of help. Good night.