At times, I sit alone and think about my past and how i have treated people. A moment in time can be only be for that moment, there is no way you can change it but to do it the rigtht way! "Treat others how you want to be treated," Jorge's voice replays in my head reminding me that I am Selfish. Am i really? Do i only think of about my needs and not others? I was told this by my boyfriend and my sibilings.�The people that are closest to me recognize that Im just another one of the evil step sisters. (so to speak) I feel like my attitude towards others needs to do a complete 360. Maybe I wouldnt think so negative anymore, I suppose emotions are based off of my actions and my actions are what people think of me day�to day. at work, people might think Im a stuck up individual. I keep to myself because im afraid of what one might think of me, if i say something wrong, look at them in a wierd way. Me of all people hate to be judged! The positive way to look at it would be just being independent and looking after myself. I think i might have taken that concept and put a whole new twist on it. I really need to think for others more, The quote of the day reads, ""Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it."�I feel like this applies to me in so many ways. At the times where im am cold and careless, that is when i need attention the most. I use being selfish as a shield for protection. Protection from getting hurt by the ones that are close to me. Brother, sisters, mother, father and boyfriend. The list of names have all let me down one way or another. The emotion of selfish protects me from thinkin me about others feelings. It protects me to feel whenever I am let down so i will then only concentrate on my feelings and the important things i need to make me happy. Cold, careless, nonchalantly acts from me, that is definitely a sign of me screaming for a hug, kiss or simply someone to just say Hi Jenee! Why am i this way? TO protect myself from any harm or let down! I guess i just need to learn a different method! where to begin?
Christy,
I know that it helps you to hate me, but you really need to realize what your hate is doing to me. I am so tired of being hurt by you and I' m not going to put up with it anymore.
I know that you told me that it helps your pain when you sleep with other people. I don't belive that, because I could tell that you are not happy with yourself and it makes you feel wanted to sleep around. That don't help anything at all. It's only going to make you feel all that much worse about yourself and the situation. You need to love yourself before you can ever be loved by anyone else.
The only reason that I'm writing this letter is because I really have got to move on and you keep wanting to stay in my life by sending me email and texts. Even though they are very nasty in nature if you really wanted me out of your life you would leave me alone. You will never see this letter and that's because I want to move on, but you are making it so damn hard to keep my mouth shut.
You really need to help yourself before you go out and hurt anyone else. Making other guys feel a miserable as you is not healthy and it's cruel.
Payton
I am getting off at 2:00PM today. I am going to go pick-up the kids and take them out to moms with me. After we do a little swimming I am going to take them to get a bite to eat. I'm hoping that seeing the kids will take my mind off of Christy. I also miss them so much. I can't wait to see them everyday again. Another reason that I will never be back with Christy and that I need to move away from this mess that was once called love.
I have been submiting questions to anserbag.com. It's a pretty fun site. When you ask or answer a question all of the other members can rate, answer and comment on your input. Sometimes it can really be a lot of fun. Some days it can really piss me off. It passes the time during slow periods.
I still can't get her off my mind. Let me give you a breif history of the situation. I have been dating Christy for four years on and off. She lived in Tipp and I lived in Brookville(about 20 miles apart). In about November she decided to buy a house in Brookville. I moved in with her. We had an alright relationship through the four years. The best part was that we are both very sexual people and we both explored our fantises together. Anyway our kids did not get along at all and the dream soon became a prison.
We began to fight quite often and everytime that we fought she would end up throwing me out of the house. On May 26th 2008 she threw me out again and I decided that it was really time to leave. I decided to leave for the sake of our kids and ourselves. I arranged to move in with a friend. He said that he was counting on me to help him with his house payment. He only needed me to stay for 6 months to a year. Wouldn't you know it that as I started moving stuff out she started changed her mind. It was too late. There was nothing that I could do. I wanted so much to keep thevicious cycle going, but I was not going to burn the only bridge that I had.
So the next weekend I moved my personal stuff in BN's home and I was no longer sleeping in her bed. We would go out when neither of us had the kids and we would have sex. Strike that, not just sex it was the most passionate sex that we had ever had. Then at the end of the weekend I would go back home. We would still get into fights and other then the sex nothing really changed. Now we've decided that we need to back off a bit, which as much as I hate to say it, I agreed. But this last weekend I found out that she slept with a mutual friend of ours. Now every bad thought that I have always feared is rearing it's ugly head. How long was this being planned? Is this the only time? Did he give her anything? and on and on.... I slept for a total of 2 hours last night.
I have got to move on! I can't keep doing this to myself. I don't want my kids to see what I am doing to myself. There is no way that I can ever be with her again. I will never be able to trust her again. The worst thing is that I don't know if I can ever sleep with her again. So for that fact I have got to move forward and not backwards.
im the happiest woman� alive! i stepped out in faith� praying to jesus christ for amiralcle! and he heard me,through faith perservance and stepping out in faith i now have my mr right,the man ive longed for and dreamed about all my life,im totally in love. and feel like the luckiest woman in the world.we agree on so many things,and he is sexy handsome gorgeous and the most wonderful man ive ever met and he has made me so very happy in life.� LADIES� MIRACLES� HAPPEN WHEN YOU BELIEVE,JUST� BELIEVE.IM LIVING PROOF THANK YOU GOD ALMIGHTY,THANK YOU TO THE SON THANK YOU SPIRIT OF GOD,IT CAN HAPPEN IT DID HAPPEN,IT HAPPENED FOR ME,NEVER GIVE UP I DIDNT� NOT COMPLETELY,AND IM SO GLAD I WAITED IN FAITH,he is the sexiest best looking best friend� terrific� im hoping my family will be happy for me as im� so very very happy!
Fall with love with him.
I wait a lot of time, and this is the best day for 3 months...
He told me he didn't feel the way he used to��he wanted something more than what i was giving him he wanted to�actually kiss me and hold me and touch me and make love to me. He wanted to hold my hand�all in all he wanted a PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP�......i kept pleading and crying but that was all useless...he left anyway.� I called him on his mobile but he had disconnected it...i didnt dare call him on his house phone(maybe once or twice i did....but i always hanged up)
I kept calling his mobile on hope that he may have reconnected it again...but all invein. I was very hurt. It was hard to sleep at night without him on the other side of the phone listening to my snore, i cried alot and lost 12 kilos in the process(at least thats the only good thing to come out of it....but eddy loved his women curvy, he loved ass the most)
I emailed him� just to let all my emotions out...no one knows about me and Eddy so it was really hard during my time of grief...i had absoutley no support from anyone but like they� say what doesn"t kill me only makes me stronger!
He honestly told me he� that he was at first �attracted to the fake myspace girl's looks but fell in love with�ME simply because of my personality... thankfully he forgave me.
My realtionship with Eddy for 19 months was nothing but emotional, we have never met� physically he doesnt even have a picture of what i look like. This took a toll on him and�he broke it off.
I refused to accept that...i actually stalked him!!! Calling him 5 times a day he never botherd to pick up my calls so that infuriated me even more. I recall calling his house phone once he picked up and quickly changed his accent and said "this is Eddy's dad Sorry he isnt home" The same thing kept happening whenever anyone picked up the phone....they always claimed he was out
Two weeks later he called we talked and out of nowhere he gave me a kiss. Turns out that was a one night stand!!� a friend of his texted me saying Eddy was confused when he came back to me.......like before i kept on fighting for our love to come back. The response not what i had excpected
I'm a dreamer i'm constantly day dreaming hence my username. This is just a recap of what has happend in the past two years.
I met some one...lets call him Eddy*. We met on myspace, We clicked just like that though it was a very slow devloping relationship. We were on platonic grounds for a year. we flirted occasionaly
I sent him a myspace message�giving him my �telephone number informing him that i had left myspace.�Guess what i didnt delete the myspace...i dunno why i just didn't.
we talked for hours and hours about everything and nothing topics ranged from sex to politics and even family..... I got to know a great deal about him,myself and the world. When we talked it was like the whole world did not mater....it was nothing but sheer bliss
what happens next is just a force of nature we fell in love....by the way i told him i loved him first.
Every Teenager Has Worries.
What Am I oing To Wear tommorrow.
Why Doesn`tt Anyone Understand Me.
My Math`ss Homework is due in
Justt Lil Thing`ss.
In My Exprience sooo far i had all thesse plus more. theyy all essulated up into one big problem. It Kinda All Started With These Group Of MAte`ss I Hung Owtt With. The Crowd That Smoked Diid Drug`s Etc.�Eventually I Gave Into Peer Presure. And Was Doing All That. My Life Wasn`tt Too Bad Until�This Boy� Came Into itt. Ohh How I Loved Him. I Was Young Butt VEerytime I saw Him I Thought Of Perfection, And Everytime He Smiled My Way Justt Melted My Heart. Calling Him Mine Made Me The Happiest Person ever! I Wasn`t Perfect Butt He Except all My Flaw`ss Accepted Me FAwr Who I Am He Wads NIce Sincer Butt Of All Thing`ss He Was Mine. I Actuall Thought We Could Lastt Forvever Butt On That Saturday Morning Hey Said Thing`ss Werent Workking Owtt. We Should Just BE Mates. I Don`tt Thinkk Anyone Understood How Hard TThat Was For Me. Mascara Runing Down My Face All Day. Every Lil Thing Reminded Me Of Him. I Really Wanted Too Gett Over Himm I Was Silly And Diid Itt In The Stupidest Way Ever. Giving Head Too A Guy I Had Known For About 3 or 4 Week`s. Goshh That Justt Give Me A Reputatiion As A Slutt!!! On That Sunday Night I Gott A Txt- From My Ex Saying
Him'Hey. How`ve You Been?'
Me'Not Soo Good Butt Trynah Gett Better'
Him' Neither. I Can`t Believe I Lett The Bestt Girl In My Life go'
Me' I`m Nott Gonna Lie. Yes Losing You Was The Hardest Thing For Me. And I Still Don'tt understand Why?'
Him' I Never Should Of. I Miss You Like Crazy. I`ld Do Anything too Gett You Back. Hurting You Hurt Me More Then Anything. I Love Youu. Can You Give Us Another Shot. . . PLEASE'
That Was It. I Was Sooo Confused. I Still Loved Him But Wasn`tt Sure If It Was The Right Thing. What If I Got Hurt Again. I Couldnt Bare going Thru That Again. Butt Without Him There Was Really Nothing Good In Life. I Told Him I Would If He Promised Neever To Hurt ME Again. He Said He Couldn`t Do That. At The Time I Believed Him. Butt Lil Did I Know How Bad Hee Could Play With My Heart. ANd How Bad He Could Hurtt ME Again. . .
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