Jenee's Journal

At times, I sit alone and think about my past and how i have treated people. A moment in time can be only be for that moment, there is no way you can change it but to do it the rigtht way! "Treat others how you want to be treated," Jorge's voice replays in my head reminding me that I am Selfish. Am i really? Do i only think of about my needs and not others? I was told this by my boyfriend and my sibilings.�The people that are closest to me recognize that Im just another one of the evil step sisters. (so to speak) I feel like my attitude towards others needs to do a complete 360. Maybe I wouldnt think so negative anymore, I suppose emotions are based off of my actions and my actions are what people think of me day�to day. at work, people might think Im a stuck up individual. I keep to myself because im afraid of what one might think of me, if i say something wrong, look at them in a wierd way. Me of all people hate to be judged! The positive way to look at it would be just being independent and looking after myself. I think i might have taken that concept and put a whole new twist on it. I really need to think for others more, The quote of the day reads, ""Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it."�I feel like this applies to me in so many ways. At the times where im am cold and careless, that is when i need attention the most. I use being selfish as a shield for protection. Protection from getting hurt by the ones that are close to me. Brother, sisters, mother, father and boyfriend. The list of names have all let me down one way or another. The emotion of selfish protects me from thinkin me about others feelings. It protects me to feel whenever I am let down so i will then only concentrate on my feelings and the important things i need to make me happy. Cold, careless, nonchalantly acts from me, that is definitely a sign of me screaming for a hug, kiss or simply someone to just say Hi Jenee! Why am i this way? TO protect myself from any harm or let down! I guess i just need to learn a different method! where to begin?