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Everything seems like illusion.

Fiction holds more reality for me than life.� Television shows and fims engage me and feel real - I can respond to them; they make me laugh and cry, they enable me to feel.� Even playing a computer game holds more connection and reality for me than life.

The time I get to spend with G is too fleeting.� The rest of the time it's like I don't exist.�

Being on my own so much really isn't good for me.

I still don't know how to express... well, anything really.

I wish I knew how people do that - how they open up about things.

I have to start letting some of this stuff out of my head.� I have to find a way to connect to the people I love so they aren't strangers anymore.

I hate being so alone.� I mean, yes, I have G - and my relationship with him is wonderful.. but he's at work so much of the time; I'm on my own almost constantly - and I don't cope.� I'm not coping.� Not even slightly.� I am so sodding lonely.� And yet I compound it by isolating myself further, because it's all I know how to do.� I don't know how to reach out to pepole.� Maybe I should know, but I don't.� I can't cope with the simplest levels of communication.� I do what I can, but it's really not enough by any stretch.

And I'm so tired of it.� So damn very tired.