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So I'm not really good at keeping journals. Ever. But you know what people say. Writing things down can help you figure yourself out. So here I am, writing my first entry on probably one of the billionth online journal sites I've found. See, I'd keep a physical journal. Like a note book or something.�Except I happen to be a pretty messy person. So I'd lose it in about 3 or 4 hours. That's only a guesstimate though. So I doubt that anybody's actually reading this, but if you are, I suppose I should introduce myself...

�Well I'm not going to. So you should probably stop reading now if you were expecting some incredibly fancy summary of my life and who I am. If I already knew who I was, I wouldn't be here writing down rubbish and trying to "discover my real self". I kind of wonder if there's any sophisticated people on this site or if it's just a bunch of depressed people who want to complain�about their life and right dark poetry. I semi�scanned through the user entries and didn't really see anything too inspirational. No offence guys, but you really could vamp up what you're going to put on here. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I wasn't really expecting to have any readers by now.

Right now my sister is blasting some modern rap music that could possibly make my ears bleed while doing some weird dance that shouldn't even be legal. I sort of want to tell her to shut it off but I guess it'll be something else I can hold over her head later. On account that I have my camera taping the whole thing while she reamains completely oblivious. You probably think that everyone in Alaska rides caribou and dresses like Sarah Palin. Well, I wouldn't know. I don't live in Alaska, I just wish I did. I mean, who likes humidity anyways?

I have a whole theory about my future living in Alaska. Everything will be awesome because I'll never have to worry about frivolous things like sweat stains or frizzy hair. Not only that, but the girl to boy ratio in Alaska is like totally out of whack, so I would have no problem ever having a boyfriend. I mean, who needs a bunch of girls running around raining on my parade. I've found that girls tend to be totally annoying and way to complex for me to have anything to do with, and all they do is stab you in the back and then steal your boyfriend. Who wants that?

So I've decided I'm going to try and make this first entry here so long nobody will be able to finish it. That would be completely epic. I have found that lately there is absolutely nothing good in the theaters. Everything is rated R, which of course I can't get in to. They have police outside the doors to every theater, so movie hopping isn't an option. Oh and they require ID, it's totally whack. Anyways, there's no good movies that are PG-13. I don't know if the directors and movie makers realize, but there is a substantial group of people who range from the ages of 13 to 16. They are called "A large majority of most teenagers". I think I could easily say teenagers are one of the most influential groups in Hollywood. I mean, we decide what's what. It's cool to have like 2 or 3 good R movies in theaters, but seriously. The only movie that's not rated R is Shorts, which is rated PG. Which is pretty much like stabbing my eyes.

I mean, I don't know if they think we're completely niave nowadays or something, but we actually know a decent amount about sex and violence. I mean, it's not like we're all innocent little Catholic school girls who have the sex education of a 6 year old or something. And they think we can't watch violence because it'll influence us to like kill people or something. But we can't really get a hold of guns or anything. By allowing adults to watch violence, they're encouraging adults to go out and buy guns and murder their bosses or something. See? It's retarded. They think we're influenced by every little thing we see. If that was so, I'd be an Obama fanatic right now. But despite the medias effort at such I still completely hate the guy. Just because I watch someone kill someone in a movie (that is so clearly edited) doesn't mean I'm going to run out like a barbarian with a kitchen knife and slaughter the first person I see.

If I was influenced by everything I saw, I wouldn't ever have a clear idea of anything. I'd be surfing the web and run across an add telling me to go buy a goat. Then I'd be like "Hey I want a goat". Then I'd see another add that told me I should never buy a goat. Would my mind automatically change and I wouldn't want a goat anymore? I mean, our minds aren't that volatile?�I really don't think so. Otherwise I'd be running around looking like a giant ball of lard and screaming like Eric Cartman. But I'm not, and I'm a total South Park fanatic. So what are the adults getting at? I think they just want to deprive us of any entertainment.�

I mean, I remember when I was like 9 years old. I'd be watching something on TV, and then one of those ads would come on. It'd be like advertising some awesome product that a normal 9 year old would totally want, and then some number would pop up on the screen. And it'd be like call this now and get your (insert product here)! But not if you're not 18!�Then the add would end and you'd be left like "What the fuck?". Wondering how they could seduce you and then take it all away. That's just cruel. Perfect example of how adults just want us to suffer. Mwahahahahahahahhaahaaa...

Honestly this is just getting boring. I will now proceed to copy and paste this long, obnoxious message on several other sites. That's right, I'm a pandemic. You can't stop me. You're probably wondering "Is this the first site?�Or has she posted it on like 6 others before this?"...

No way. There's no way in hell someone actually read all this. Adios.

Why am I even saying bye?

It's such a perfect day that i dont want to stay at home :) But it's too late (:

Hey baby,

How was your day? Mine was good just bored now.� I like my job but wish I had more time to see you and the kids.� I am so tired of not being able to see you guys like I used to.� I just wish that I would of saved money awhile ago and we could of got a place sooner then me having to live all the way out here.� I hope that I can start driving some more so soon I can get my license so I can come and see you more then I do already.� I also hate working this 12:30 till 9 shit because I can't really do anything because of the shit that I have to come straight home after work because my mom picks me up.� I�get so bored out here and when I am not with you all I do is think about you.� Thinking about you don't help like it does when I see you.�

When Ashley came in today and told me that she saw you on trick or treat and you told her that we weren't together that really did hurt me because I have had that happen to me before but I talked to you about it and atleast it didn't start a fight and that you still are talking to me.��I thought about it before I started flipping out because one I�should be able to believe you over anyone and two if I would of started a fight we wouldn't of talked for�a week because that is normally what happends.� I am just surprised that your ex doesn't come in and say shit like I thought she would.�

well baby I�love you and going to go I will talk to you in a little bit.�

������ I am so fuckin tired of not having money. First we don't have enough to pay for the house, which I have come to terms with and accepted that we're gonna have to move. Now we have to cancel everything cause my mom broke her foot and her doctor is charging the maximum permited by law. So pretty much everytime she goes to the doctor (once every two weeks) she has to pay $200 plus the cost of x-rays. So it may sound selfish but I'm mostly upset about loosing my cell phone. And I'll explain that. I'm in cyber school so I don't get to see people every day and she wants to turn the home phone off too. The only reason we have internet is because I'm in cyber school and they pay for it. On top of that I can't go on most public sites because they are blocked. So it's not like I could talk to my friends on Myspace or somethin like that and my mom has yelled at my best friend enough that she won't just stop over here and I don't feel right just stopping over there because not only is that weird and kinda stalkerish but they're not there most of the time. She normally goes to school, goes home changes, goes to work, and then goes home and goes to bed. So for us to hang out there has to be communication and that can't happen if I don't have a phone. But my mom said that she's gonna keep my phone. She has her own phone but she said shes just gonna keep mine. You know I knew that I wouldn't have friends for long but I just wish the deciding factor wasn't money. Whatever it's over.

i will read book at 07:00am-18:30pm

i�making�will� good teat for tmr "22 Sep 09"

But i have�mum�and dad�live to� me everyday

and everytime

i will not give they�sad

Bcez i love them very much

Buy have a good dream

�

How long does one stay where they know they were not ment to be? How long does one go on missing the one who really loved them and protected them? How long does no trust in anyone last?

I maybe left some pertinent info out last time,he has done time for that rape,I mentioned. And I recently found out, he is a PEDOPHILE. And in his PAROLE, it stipulates, he is not to� be�around schools,playgrounds or the likes.

�

suspended. hahah tipped a bin full of leaves on someone.

gt kicked out of childcare class.

missing ki & felix.

?

lol. stay home and clean up, :

holidays this weeek yewwwwww. :)

party friday ?

hmm, today, today.

i dont quite recall what happened today xD

hey, hi, hello.

im christie, im from mission texas.

um, nice too meet youu :)

keep posted; be my friend.

:Detc etc

.welcome too my life. ;)

�Lately I've been really down and depressed. I haven't been able to find good things to take interesting pictures of. I've been kind of discouraged in the whole "photography" part of my life. There's other people on dA who have much better art and pictures than me. Why can't I be as good?

"Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn't work out the way I wanted to.I get real frustrated and I try hard to do it and I take my time and it doesn't work out the way I wanted to.It's like I concentrate real hard and it doesn't work out.Everything I do and everything I try never turns out".

飛翔いたら　

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戻らないと言って

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目指したのは

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蒼い蒼いあの空

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Habataitara

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Modoranai to itte

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Mezashita no wa

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Aoi aoi ano sora

You say that if you could fly

�

You would never come back

�

You aimed for

That blue, blue sky