I guess everything is changing, and I dunno what I think about any of this. I feel betrayed by friends, and a lot of things are frustrated me. I guess becoming close with new people, cause the old ones to start drifting.. I can't really write much on here, I feel like I can't even trust a personal website, where you're suppose to write everything. I feel like not many people can be trusted anymore, and let alone something like this. It is so annoying how shitty and low people will go, just for someone else. I guess this isn't even entirely about me, well actually very little of it is. I see one of my new really close friends, constantly being betrayed by a lot of people, and I relized how shitty people are now of days. How they will do anything, just to make them feel superior, when really it makes you shittier then the person before you. So many people are like this now, so many people suck at being a good friends, and good friends seem really impossible to find. I am so glad, that I now keep my guard up a lot more then I use to. I don't know what I would do, if every day passed and I had to worry about someone betraying me. It doesn't seem to matter how close you are anymore, because everyone seems to just love to do it, and its happened more then it should have to me in the past.
Christmas is now a holiday all about presents, and spending a lot of money. Its about the materialistic things, and everyone thinks they deserve so much. I hate christmas because of that. I hate that people have these expectations of getting all these presents, and being so selfish. I've decided that as of next year, I want every single person to give me money, so that I can choose a charity of my choice and give a lot of money to it. I hate recieving gifts when I know that there are people out there who can't even live a normal life because they dont have enough money. I feel so greedy, and selfish. I'm so privledged, and to me getting presents big and small don't matter to me at all, I get no excitement or thill out of it. I don't like the holiday of christmas, I don't like it at all.! To me christmas is about spending time with your family, and having fun. Bringing everyone together and just having a good happy time together. Its all about doing things together, and enjoying the people who mean most to you. Christmas is suppose to be happy, and nothing is better then being around your grandparents, parents, siblings, close friends, and just the people who youlove you the most.
well thanks for stabbing me in the back, maybe you can find someone who you wont say shit about them, and pretend like its fine. Be honest becuase clearly you didn't want to be friends, seriously what have i ever done to you do deserve any of this, like what the fuck do I do to you!!! Nothing, sorry im not always there but 98% of the time I am. Learn to be semi independant, you can't just depend on people for everything, and you also can't just say shit about people and think its okay. You think you are so fucking perfect, but everyone has fucking problems, stop being so god damn stupid and realize YOU are always miserable.. guess why? Get your nose out of your ass and stand up for yourself when you need to, if you thought i was walking all over you then your pretty fucking stupid to not say something, your just a fucking bitch, and you think you are sooo great well fuck you, like stop talking about all these 'hot' guys who always walk you home, half them are fucking ugly.. and stop acting like a whore and saying you want to get with every fucking guy or be friends withfucking benifits.. You let ben stokes fucking screw you over, and he only dated you because he wanted fucking action.. look how fast he moved on!! God you are such a fucking clueless bitch, and if you read this, I hope you know I have EVERY right to say all of this about you. Never treat me as poorly has you have in our friendship, you don't deserve the chances you are givin, with most friends all you do is talk shit about all of them. Grow up, and act your own fucking age.
Life is good, life is really good. I've decided my friends and my foes. I've decided life is to short to dwell on the bad things and even if this feeling doesn't stay for much longer it wont matter because i dont think i've been this happy for this long is so long. I'm getting healthier, my family is great, my friends are most of the reason i wake up in the morning, and just nothing can seem to bring me down. I've learned that the people who do bring you down, are the ones who don't truely care. I've really truely learned to not sweat the small stuff, and to talk shit about people wont get you far. I really really want to stop talking bad about anyone behind their backs, and i really want to start doing better in school. I'm really happy with myself, everything about what i've been doing lately is satisfying. Everyone does the wrong at times, but there is no need to over react about it. Lifes a lot of bull shit and happiness all mixed together, its a fact that only the strong will survive. I want to the be strong, I want to live, I want a real life, one that I can look back on and not regret and right now, the 15 years I've been living, I wouldn't change a single thing. I have the most amazing best friends, and I have the most amazing family. They are everything I need and could ever ask for. They are my life, my entire life and without them I wouldn't have life, without them I wouldn't want to. LIFE I NEVER WANT YOU TO CHANGE, stay amazing forever! Oh and Christmas is coming soon, and oh god:| I'm stressing about money, I need a job. I NEED one.....:(
Everything is rapidly changing, the little things and the big ones. People are coming and going, while some stay right there. Family has their ups and downs, and usually the downs are what get you most. Life doesn't change for you, but you have to change life for yourself.
You #1. You dont give me butterflies, you dont make me nervous, and you definitly don't like being nice to me, but when you are you make me giggle and smile and just really happy. Lately you actually talk to me, and as much as your nice to me, I'm nice to you too. I hate how I don't know what your thinking, or anything to do with you but I'm sure you'd want to know whats going on in my head to. We talk a lot now, in class and on msn. I'm not quite sure how to explain this, because I dont even know if I actually like you, but right now I'll say that I have a crush on you because you make me happy. I now would call you one of my friends, and I never though I'd say you were a guy I could potentially really like. You #2. You are my closest guy friend for sure, and I dont know how this happened but it did. You probably don't know how much you acutally mean to me, but you mean a lot because you are always there for me, and you probably tell me just as much or more then I share with you. Its really weird to have someone like that, but I'm glad because I want to feel like you can trust me too, because I actually care about you, a lot. You know when something is bugging me, and even if I wont tell you, your there trying to help with what information I have told you, your amazing you really are. I can't help but be annoyed by people saying that I like you and that you like me becuase just as much as you probably think I like you, I think you like me. I know I'm wrong and I really never want things between us to ever change, I dont care that we flirt that times because to me that means nothing, your a guy, I'm a girl. That'll happen no matter what, and right now I dont care what people think. Your an amazing guy and I really wish our friendship was more open, just I dont want people to get mad or to start saying more unnessicary comments. I'm not embarrassed of you, I'm just annoyed by everyone else. You #3. Shut up, your all full of shit and I'm sick of feeling sorry for you. Grow up your old enough to end all this bull shit you cause and try to get attention for, stop being fake to people and grow some balls. Be a man because right now your acting like a little boy, a little boy who can't take care of anything himself. Get some confidence because you know your attractive, your gorgeous, and your nice and funny and your just everything. I can't tell you that enough, really your the complete package. You can get almost any girl, you can make friends with whoever you want. Your a good guy, and I really dont think I can deal with you anymore, no wonder you loose friends quickly. You give up when one thing goes wrong, you give up and you blame everything on everyone else. Its not just their faults but your own too, you need to learn to take responsibility before you blame others. I really like you as a friend, and I really just want the best for you, please just I want you to finally learn a meaningful lesson, because right now you suck at life. I'm glad we're friends again though, so thank you for that.
Finding something you never ever thought you could have, and only dreampt the most surreal dreams about comes true. Its unimaginable, its so drastic and a big deal but when you find it and once again loose it, and just can't seem to let go that when you start to loose hope. Everything everyone ever wants, is what you can not have no matter how much you want it or how much you try. You can sacrific but to know it wasn't suppose to happen doesn't that make you wonder that you weren't suppose to go through this. Things come and go, and the things that really matter go too. No matter how much you want it, or how hard you hold on, everything just comes and goes. It makes you think what life is really about, is it about happiness or once that comes is that just going to get taken away too? The only thing that seems to like to stick around is misary accompanied by pain and hurt. They make a great trio, no matter how much you just want them to go, they stick together and are the most difficult things to push back out when they arrive. Pain, Hurt, and Misary are three of lifes worst qualities, and yet your stuck with them for your whole life, no matter how much you hate them some things just never change and never will. Lifes a bitch, try not to help pass on the trio to anyone else, no matter how bad it is, no one deserves it no matter what.
Sometimes when your so far down all you want is for someone to stick with you at your side to help you up, just so that you know your not alone and you wont have to be untill your ready. Sometimes its nice to know how much people care and how much they really appriciate you. Sometimes you just wish things were different, and that things would just change this once for you, because its something you want so badly. Sometimes life just sucks, and most the people in it are just a whole lot of ignorant people who are just taking up the empty room left inside of you, just so this one time you can feel like no ones missing. Sometimes you try so hard to convince yourself of one thing so that much it seems unbelievable, andjust sometimes it hurts to know you can't even tell yourself the truth and you think of lies to cover it all up. Sometimes what you think is best is the worst thing possible and anything but the truth is just a lie no matter how big or small it may be. The truth may hurt, but a lie is just as bad or so much worse. Sometimes its just nice to hear a lie to cover everything else up, and make you smile for once no matter what the outcome at that point in time at least its happiness. Sometimes you just do what it takes, and this time isn't sometimes.
LAUREN AVERY You know when you just find a friend, that your so scared to become so close with because you dont want to stop being that close ever! Even though it eventually comes when you grow farther and then closer again and that all the time. I just found a friend like that, even though we've gone through so much, so many fights, so many laughs, tears, befriending, backstabbing, frontstabbing, homewreaking, it's all been done. Yet through it all we're still friends, and now we're best friends. You know my secrets no one else does and even though it may seem we ruched this friendship I dont think we did because we've been friends for a while now, and now I think we'll stay close for a really long time. I really hope, at least. You make me laugh, your always there, you live semi close, you are just AMAZING, you help me with everything even when you can't, your just a really really really great friend so thank you. I call you when I need anything, you just are always there wanting me to cheer up. You never give up even when you think you're not helping but trust me you always do. I just love how you treat me, with such respect and I'm just so thankful for you because really I don't know who I could talk to about some of these things I'm dealing with, without feeling guilty for telling that person. I know I can trust you, and just know you can trust me with anything. I don't tell anyone anything you ever tellme, because im not about to make the mistake of loosing you for telling one stupid pointless secret. Your better then that anyways, you would deserve much more, but as of right now I trust you, and I don't tell your secrets. I don't like your boyfriend, which can be a mojor plus so you dont have to worry about me ever, I would never do that to you. Promise! So this is to you, Best Friend you better not EVER EVER EVER leave my side. I love our sleep overs even if we stay in and just talk or go out and creep or just anything I love hanging out because I'm so comfortable around you. * * * * * * * * * * * * You are my best friend and I'm proud of it. I love you, thank you so much for everything. Perfect[L]
Wow, just when you think every thing is gone. Everything from your past, that was part of the worst and best times are back, and yet the worst of things stayed away. I really just dont want a reappearance of the greater past, because all it will be is a nightmare. I'm so glad I can be friends with someone i treated so poorly in the past but I guess forgiveness is something you are acceptant to everything. I love you, and being around you and hanging out and everything. You are such a good friend, and someone so easy to talk to. I trust you with everything, and I really hope you feel the same with me, because lately I can't trust anyone it seems but you I can trust with everything and Im sooo glad of that. Im sorry for everything in the past and all the harm I've done to you and your life. Im so glad we/ you put everything in the past and that we now know we can really get through anything. Remember the promise we made a long time ago that we would never fight over a guy ever again,I think thats one promise I will actually be able to keep, because I don't think I've kept many in my life time! I hope we can be friends for a really long time, your one person who I enjoy going to. Your a really good person, I love you Lauren Avery! Your one of a kind.
What happened, where did our friendship go. I never think about you anymore, I never actually want to talk to you but yet I do at times just to check in once in a while. I just still dont want to completely throw our friendship away because what we had going was something good, and for the longest time I thought it was just physical but really once you were gone I realized I would have rather kept you around with just a friendship. I've realized that the best of things usually dont stick around, and I tried and at times you did too but it just was to forced, and thats why we fought and thats why we gave up. Enough was enough, and as much as it sucked I'm glad we're not friends anymore, and even though your someone I trust more then anyone I still know I can't ever really go to you for anything again. For some reason though, you come to mind when I think of a strong friendship, even through everything I hold such a high respect for you when i shouldn't. Im so glad you have a girlfriend who took you back, and that you love so much. You deserve great people in your life and that is exactly what you have, even though some of those people I dont respect I know they are all great because at one time I was best friends with them too. It just sucks that I lost all of them along with you, but im glad thats how it happened and i still have one of them who i know means a lot to me! I love you, a part of me always will. Your not such a Prince Charming in my eyes, but your still perfect. Congratulations!
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