madhousewife's Journal

My son is feeling better. Poor kid. He doesn't smoke, do drugs, barely drinks, and has been cutting his sugar and caffiene, and boom , illness. He has an appt with a cardiologist next week.

I worry about my kids ,even though they are all grown. It makes you made when you are growing up and your parents see you as their babies. Then you hold your own little miracle. No matter how old they get you see your child. I try to give my kids the respect and props they deserve for being such wonderful adults, and take a lot of pride in them and all they do, but...... No matter what else I see my babies.

It's hard being a parent, and I try to keep that in mind with my own mother. I don't think we have ever truly liked each other. She never trusted me or gave me any respect, and she was always hateful. Maybe like me, she suffers from depression, but is too stubborn to admit anything or ever seek help. I don't know, but I have spent my life trying to not be like her. Giving all my best to others, and treating me own like they don't count. My kids are my heart, and readon for being!

What a morning!! My husband woke me to say my youngest had called and thought he was having a heart attack. We ran over and rushed him to the hospital. He has STV which is an abnormal heart rhythm and he will probly have to be on meds the rest of his life. Such an awful feeling for a parent.

He's tired, but feeling better and he's home, so a happy ending.

Not having such a good day. : (

Not to cool when ones own mother calls you a bitch. Of course under the breath, thinking my hearing is as bad as her own.

My mother is not a nice person. Oh sure, she does nice things, but she keeps track. She will let everyone know what she did for you so all will say how special she is. To their faces she can be a really nice person, but when they turn their backs she plants a knife. No matter how much you do for her, she will take any slight and hold it above all else. Example....

My daughter has a son three years ago. There were a lot of medical issues, all were tired ect. My mother and his were both at the hospital visiting. Both went to leave at the same time and he gave mom her coat and said she could go, but his mom would stay. Shoot the boy, he wanted afew minutes alone with his mom. She brings that up like a shield saying it's the reason she dislikes him. In the meantime the guy paid for and installed a new water pump for her, fixed her washer, and many other things she neglects to mention.

Anyway I got tired of it and made comments on how he probly wanted to spend time with his mom ect. Due to fact I wasn't outraged at his treatment of her 3 yrs ago, she called me the b word and quit talking to me. I am tired of her treating everyone that doesn't bow down to her like garbage. Something has got to give. Either we will have it out, or I am moving out.

The new baby was born the 21st. He has a head full of black hair and a very quiet disposition, so far. She's suppose to have her tubes tied, I sure hope so. With three kids they have a rough enough time.

I have been picking up extra hours at work. I am hoping to go full time , as a cook ,in august. I enjoy the work , I have always loved cooking. I also like working with the seniors. I like working where people know who Roy Rogers was and some of the other oldies but goodies of my childhood.

I have got to start doing something about my weight. Not only losing wise but I feel better when I exercise. I was doing yoga for a while and that helped in a lot of ways. I alwaays go back to sitting in front of the tv with my yarn and crochet hook. I know part of the problem is the late night snacking, such a bad habit. It goes back to when I was a kid. Mom worked nights so during the day I had to be very quiet. I'd sit within inches of the tv, playing barbies, and eating. I have to find something I can do as soon as I get out of bed. I'll be making plans. I want to be a live and healthy to enjoy my grandbabies.

I have a headache.

My son has a daughter with an ex girlfriend who lives in Ohio. She has been real good about letting me have my granddaughter for weekends on occasion. My son pays his child support, but much to my dismay it's about all he does. I highly doubt he writes to her, calls, sends cards, ect. Since then he has married and has another daughter, and a son due this weekend. He is trying to lower his support since it was based on a single , no kids, higher paid job time in his life. I believe this is causing the ex to exclude us. She won't return any contact I try to make. I know she just moved into a new house, but have no idea where. I do not want to be put into the middle. I worked hard to get along with her, even though I don't really like her. It caused a lot of grief with my daughter -in-law, but I will due what I need to do to see my granddaughter. My son pays his support and yet makes no move for visitation.

I know not all do, but how can people walk away from their child esp when they start "new" families. He buys for his daughter, and her son all the time, and never the elder daughter. I told him I hope the ex does find a nice guy to be in her live and a daddy to my granddaughter. I am so frustrated with him.

Once again I feel like running away. We have a raffle going on in Michigan right now. My family and I went in on acouple for a shared split, but I have one none of them know about. A part of me hopes for a secret win and to run away just leaving a note behind. I think a quiet cabin in the middle of nowhere with no tv, no phone, just peace and quiet and lots of books to read. It costs nothing to dream.....

I don't think I have "enemies". There are some that may not like me, and some I may not like. There is nothing written that you have to like everyone.I TRY to go through life doing no harm to others treating people how I want to be treated. I guess thats why the thing with Amy makes me feel so bad.

I had a bad time with my mother-in-law up until the day she died and even beyond. I try to follow the saying"if you can't say something nice....." so I still have nothing to say about her.

My son and Amy probly should have never married. If you saw the pics taken at the wedding both looked miserable. After the fact each admitted they had thought about not doing it. She was always not well, telling lies, calling my husband to complain about our son, wanting our son to ask for money ect. If you call to see how the kids are feeling , she's feeling worse than them. She is pregnant right now and due any day. At the beginning she started telling us stuff was wrong with the baby to get sympathy. Once my son started going to all the appts we found out the baby was fine. I am going to try to start fresh and make an effort to get along better. Hopefully this summer we can go camping together and spend time away from my own mother.

I have been married 32 yrs. My kids do not know any of my husbands family. We all live in this small suburb and have no contact. I don't want the same for my grandkids so I have to make a change!!

I went to the baby shower yesterday for my daughter-in-law. It sounds odd, I don't like her, but I want to. I know her childhood was a bit odd , and I try to take that into account. She has caused a lot of trouble within the family with lies. She left her baby to run with the fair because she didn't want my son to go anywhere without her. She's jealous, insecure, and wants all the attention on her. She is not good with my sons daughter from a previous relationship. It makes it even harder when I don't have my own home and my Mom hates her.

Mom has never been easy to be with, but the dementia makes it even worse. The paranoia, forgetfullness ect are hard to deal with when she gets going. It is exhausting trying to keep up with conversations between her and others, and information she didn't understand and I have to explain, or she forgot. My sister tells her something and then has to call me to repeat, because Mom always gets it wrong. I'm tired!!! She isn't bad enough I could get away with respite care, and she won't go anywhere without me. I am hoping once spring comes I can get out atleast once a month to camp.

Since I just got up I guess waking up counts. At my age with my family health issues it can be amazing that it occured.

I am a jack of all trades, master of none. While still in high school I went to beauty school and learned to do hair. I tried to switch and take classes to be a social worker, but my councelor wouldn't okay it. I married at 17 and became a mom . When my sister divorced she decided she and I would go to a bartending school. I did well, but then went to Germany with my husband and that was that. There I ran my own day care which required a lot of classes and certificates. Once back in the states and my kids in school full time I worked in a day care center as a cook. Tired of that I worked in a grocery store as a cake decorator. I've since worked in factories, call centers, retail, cena, and am now an aide /cook in a senior care home. Guess I went from the cradle to the grave. I had ambitions in becoming a nurse and started back to school at age 47. I enjoyed it but have since given it up. The classes weren't too hard, but to get into nursing school you have to ace everything, and some of my classmates were on their second and third times in a class they passed already to get there score up. I don't have the finances or ,lets face it, the time.

Now I am thinking of taking classes in photography and vet assistant for self help purposes. I don't work that many hours, but I take care of Mom. Not in a physical transfere, feed , ect way. She can still function, and luckily she doesn't go anywhere in her car except the post office. She has the onset of dementia, and somewhere it changed from just sharing a house to doing almost everything. It is wearing emotionaly .

My finest moments were having my kids. They are the lights in my life.

I seriously need to lose weight. It is something I think about all the time. I know all the things I need to do, but for some reason I let myself get a defeatist attutude. I know what to eat, and that I need to exercise. I know when I work out I feel better, and have fewer aches and pains, but.... What is holding me back? Is there some part of me that doesn't feel worthy? Am I lazy? I know when I start losing and people start to notice and comment, I feel awkward, embarrassed, and don't like the attention. I fall off and gain even more. I do know I don't like being fat!!! I have a hard time finding cute clothes that don't cost a fortune, squeezing into booths when eating out, not being able to do one of the things I love the most which is riding rollercoasters. Everything hurts, and the extra weight makes me unhappy.

People do really dumb things, esp when we're young. Yesterday acouple teens decided to drive on the lake and got stuck. Luckily they were close to the edge so if they had gone through the ice there wouldn't have been much damage. It took a while and my borrowed tow strap and they were free.

For the first time , while watching them, I forgot what it was like to be young. I was irratated that they were down here where they didn't belong, and was ready to go after them if they did any damage. While raising my kids I cut a lot of slack by remembering what it was like to be young. I think as parents we forget and act like we were total angels.