madhousewife's Journal

 
    
29
Jan 2007
8:46 AM EDT
   

I want to scream about now. Some days driving to or from work I want to keep going and never come home again. There have been days I wish my memory would just be wiped clean. She sits in there with the tv to loud because her hearing isn't worth a crap. That same problem leads her to feel we are talking about her, or that no one ever talks to her. She doesn't like anyone, and treats others like crap even though she claims not to. She sits with her guide post and doesn't see she's what turned me against christianity. They preach forgivness and don't forgive, they preach love, and hate anyone who doesn't agree with or is the same as them. Others know her one way and all think she's miss wonderful, but they don't really know her. She'll do almost anything for you, but you better be prepared to spend the rest of your life thanking her, and she'll spend the rest of hers reminding you to. I often think Dad died to be free of her. I was married at 17, pregnant and wanting out of this house and away from her sneering, dominering, hateful, accusing behavior. As a small child I wished her dead many a time so Dad and I could be free. I wasn't allowed to play with others or leave the yard. As I grew older she always acted like I was awful and couldn't be trusted. I was never good enough and I hated her. She always belittled me infront of others, yet always felt ,and still does, that she was a wonderful mother. Everyone tells me when she dies I will take it hardest of all. I really don't think I will. I think, as long as I am not in a home myself, my life will begin. I won't be looking over my shoulder wondering if she is going to be upset over something said. I won't feel I can't do because as she always reminds us , this is her house. I will finally feel free to go and do anywhere and anything with whom ever I chose without guilt.
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madhousewife's Profile

  • Username: madhousewife
  • Gender / Age: Female, 68
  • Location: USA - Michigan
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    MADHOUSEWIFE's Interests:

    About Me: 50 year old Grandma, trying to figure out my own life and identity.

    Interests: anything having to do with water, rollercoasters, board games, animals, camping.

    Favorite Music: I like all music, but gospel.

    Favorite Movies: Horror, comedy

    Favorite Television: Ghost Whisperer,

    Favorite Books: anything by S.King

    MADHOUSEWIFE's Friends:
    writer1chick
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