�well life gets worse all the time round here and why because pepole gosip and spead lies and in the mean time i have lost my one true friend and miss him so much we used to have a laugh together tell each other our thoughts and problems but other people just said we were having an afair and that he was just sniffing round waiting for his chance .we had been friends for seven years and i realy could tell him any thing i miss my freind so much ,its been about two months since we last spoke and i miss him i have no one else to talk to now and im lonley with out him . i dont know what to do now�
i just noticed today that i havnt been on here for months mind you nowt much has changed .well i sorted out the problem with my parents at last .but nothing else has changed i'm still sick of not working so when i get my jnee fixed again then i'm going to look for a job .why ? well i'm skint fedup and bored to tears . i have the life of an o.a.p and i want more there has to be more i hate sitting here day in day out with nothing to do so knee fixed then work i'm sure there is somthing i can still do even if it is only for a couple of more years .I CANT STAND BEEING LONLEY ANY MORE .
at this moment in time i am not speaking to my parents this is because even at my age they think they can rule my life .this is something which i have just gone along with for too long till i finnaly told them just how they did wreck my life when i was younger i got a lot of things of my chest but now i miss my dad who i must say was not the one who caused me the sorrow i feel inside .the biggest dissapointment is my mother and i just cant get round this i cant forgive and forget i thought i could but i cant she betrayed my trust and just cant look at her in the same way any more .why should i lilve with her guilt but again i have to stay queit for the sake of others i love my dad but i cant see him with out seeing her so i guess for now i stay away and say nothing for fear the truth will spill out and destroy every thing .
why do kids have to be so wraped up in there own life that they fail to see that there is more important things in life .but i suppose we were all the same at that age couldnt wait to get out with our mates but the problem is i never see my son for more than ten mins at time he's allways out with his girlfriend and nothing can stop him going if only he would stay at home long enough to eat a meal with me instead of when he comes in later .the only day he stays in for dinner is sunday .i miss not having him around to chat to but if i say stay in for one night then i'm the evil mother who just trying to stop him having a life .he may one day reallise what i mean girlfriends come and go but you only get one� mother
why is it that whenever you get one problem fixed another one comes up to get you .the thing is i had my knee fixed 2 years ago and all was going well till i fell over a stupid bollard in a car park this must have been funny to see but hurt like hell to do so now i'm waiting to see my surgeon to get put back together again i think my parents should have called me hummpty dummty cos i'm always falling apart.nerver mind just another operation to add to the ever growing list
why is it when women bring up kids alone there just another single parent family� but when a man brings up his kids alone their a super hero .this is just one thing that has got on my wick this week well that and the stupid amounts of money they pay dim wits to kick a football round a pitch for 90 mins .you dont see surgeons who save lives every day of the week getting that sort of pay so why do these so called football players get so much money for so little input .the country is on the verge of collapse then these players are all over the place wasting money on crap and tat and cant even control there self when out on the drink every week there is another one in the paper who has hit kicked or worse whhile out on the town .discrace that is what it is i say put them all on no win no fee and cut the wage to min wage like the rest of us poor sods .
all well today have calmed down from the other day but nowt much to report ,i had new fire put in and they managed to rip a hole in the plaster and wall paper when you think this is an electric fire easy to take out and replace god i'm sick of the crap work they do in my home and now have to claim off there insurance to have it repaired what a muck on just cos they were idiots . so now have to re-decorate the whole wall when it was only done six months ago .ah well lets see what happens this week cant be any worse than last .
life without the bull shit of society is so much better so why not drop out and chill out like me i no longer wish to be part of a society where you cant be british with out bening called a racist .i have had enough of being treated as second class in my own country where your not allowed the fredom of speach any more for fear of upsetting some one of diffrent race or religion if this is the case then i object at beeing called a brit this is racisit to me but where have my rights gone .where is the brail on the signs that have every other lanuage on them why do i have to ask over and over again for things to be in large print only to have them arrive in small print is't this discrimination against me and all other vissually impaired but no we are still second class to every one else in this hell hole of a country that has no back bone that is no longer britain that can not say enough is enough stand up for what we the british people belive in we have to take a back seat to every one else for fear of offending others who choose to live in our country� shouldn't they then live by our laws as we do in there countrys ,
i would like to say that this year has had a quiet start but it hasn't my other half has problems at work ie: goiong to loose his temper with his boss beacause all he does is drink .this is made worse by the fact he works in a pub . but never mind i'm sure he will cope .i'm still recovering from my op and must say i do feel a lot better now still the best bit is still not allowed to do house work ! and now they know just how much i do in this house while they are out and their favorite cry is there isn't enough hours in the day .well at least they know now what i do all day long and they have even started to washing in the basket insted of on the floor .well that's about it for now so see ya all later
this year i'm going to get my self a life no more sitting home alone if thry can have social lives then so can i .ehy should my life be just sitting waiting for them to come home lets see how they like not knowing when i'm coming home well i will always tell my son but as for the other half then he can guess .the way i have to guess when he's coming in .boots on the other foot now .
another year has come to an end so raise your glass and toast your friend to love to life to freinds so dear to those who can not be here.we wish you all the very best .happy new year to all
merry christmas to all and to all a good night .
just think this time next week santa will have been and gone we will all be eating turkey for ever more and new year will be just around the corrner not forgetting i have my nice's birthday in between them both bless she is eight this year going on forty eight . i'm starting to feel much better after my op i'm still sore but should be able to enjoy christmas just have to learn when to sit down and nowt like i'm supposed to but sitting still all day is very dull but never mind should be back to full speed soon .
hi i,m back my surgery went very well and i feel fine not too much pain they used key hole surgery and i was home next day but now i have to sit arround and do nothing for at least four weeks may be even six but it was well worth it i would recommend a hysterectomy to any one who needs it done so now i can look forward to a pain free new year .
p.s thanks for all the lovley comments .
well my op is tommorow and now i'm shaking in my boots have had it all explained to me by a very nice nurse but you know what it's like you still worry about it but every thing will be fine he does at least 100 op's a year and they say he is the best surgen so now to pack my bag and off i go to kiss goodbye to the years of pain and heres to a new life in the new year so i wish you all a very merry christmas and a wonderfull new year and dont do anything i wouldn't do
at last i saw the gynacologist and he said i need a hysterectomy .well that was all well and good he booked me in for feb 2nd then that very same day phoned me up to tell me they are now doing it this thurs . O M G ! so this then sent my mind into overdrive do they know something i dont why so fast ? last thurs was the first time i saw him this thurs i will be in having my op . well at least the years of pain will come to an end very soon i cant wait .they said it will give me a new lease of life well i hope it does . i even put up my christmas tree early just so i can decorate it as i wont be able to after the op .so i dont think i will be on here for a while but i will be back soon
i'm not so down today have picked my self up and dusted my self off so now it does't bother me sitting here day after day i have cleaned the house to with in an inch of it's life so now i'm worn out but not down thats a good thing .my son has more exams in the mornning so he's like a bear with a sore head .when i think back this is the boy they said would never be able to pass an exam because he has sever dyslexia he only learnt to read at age twelve but now he is out doing the whole of his class he realy does make me proud every day he has worked hard to get where he is and nothing will stop him .and i say good for him i'm sure he will succeed in life where many others fail .
life sucks at times and when your down in the dumps every thing sucks even more than before .i have had the most boring week of my life so far and i cant stand just sitting arround with nothing to do and no one to talk to .i talk to the dog so much i think one day soon she will talk back to me .i hate this time of year dark days and even darker nights when your nearly blind it realy is dark all the time .in the summer months at least i can see a bit better to get out of the house but now i'm stuck here alone again and they wonder why i get deppressed. it's simple i'm lonley i long for conversation and friends i long for a normal life i long for sight back but most of all i long to who i was not what i have become .
you know what realy gets me today in the news people who are realy ill and need expensive drugs can now pay for the drugs they need to save their lives even though they are beeing treated on the n h s .well a well and good for those who can afford them i always thought the n h s was created for the treatment of every one who paid into the system .now it seams you can have treatment upto a certain value as the drugs you need to keep you alive are to expensive .how do the makers of these drugs sleep in there beds at night knowing because of the stupid price they have placed on the drugs people are dead just because they cant afford them .how can you play god with these people you cant tell me it costs thousands of pounds for a few pills to be made is'nt that the point of mass production it brings down the cost well i hope they sleep well in there beds knowing how many people they have killed in one day because of there greed .
i never thought i'd see the day that i was counting the days till i see a gynagoligst but here i am 37 in so much pain that i cant wait to see him with a bit of luck they can sort this out once and for all .besides that thinks are not so bad here for once my other half still has a job my son is starting his exams this week and me well the same as always nowt to report just sit here day in day out going round the bend bit by bit never mind could be worse atleast thats what i keep telling my self
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