blue4u's Journal

Apr 2007
9:25 PM EDT

who really knows where this world is going or how long we all have left here....

who would have known that finding love would be so hard.......and what do we call happiness.......At times in my life I know I have experienced love and felt it...only thing it was short tem or I guess you could say another level of it ....Such as loving your brother or family oreven stronger the birth of your children.....but what about that run to the end of the world to catch up with your racing heart once you see that one person....or even from a phone call......IF you was ever to catch up with this out of the world kind of love,,,,,what would happen...the tickle in your stomache or the glow on your face when your glad you woke up too be there only for a feeling......would you be able to keep it the same and never let it come to a lesser degree or ever let it fade.....

why does it fade if it were really love..... humans are not perfect but love is suppose to be...... So how can an imperfect thing have a perfect anything......SO its only a matter of time bfore it spoils....even know we now this as we have for eternity We will still look steal 4 ity

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Apr 2007
8:23 PM EDT

and BOY TOY at nite ...I have never felt so sexual in my life >> I know I'm at my prime now but its so much more than that I have so many fantasies its unreal and some are just down right naughty..... AM I normal are am I changing into someone else that Ive never let out ... Maybe it took him leaving and me exploring to find out who i really am and I have never been more free happier and dont forget SATISFIED.........!!!!!!!

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Apr 2007
8:16 PM EDT

so whats new..... I feel like a stranger to inbox journal... although its been a while since i wrote not alot has changed .... My life is still full of drama ,I wouldnt know of any other way to have it.. well since I caught Ahole with that girl I did theonly thing I could do and that is turn him loose... I feel so much better about myself and I dont have all the worries at nite... All I do is work but I have been taking time for myself at least 20mins at the tanning bed and atrip to the nail saloon at least every 2 weeks.. Ive also lost 10 pounds ..... I ve been tring to get fit before summer gets here .. I got some really good pictures i want to get put up on my profile ..maybe I(ll have them up by next entry .. I have been living the single life for the last year ..... I have been married 4 13yrs and we have had more downs than good!!!!So he has been gone for over a year and I thought at first I wouldnt make it but now shit I'm hell on wheels with a price to pay.... I love doing what I want when I want.... Not only that but I'm a different person... I actually have 2 of me ... I'm the hard working single mom in the day mother an

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Jan 2007
6:35 PM EDT

I guess writing everyday is out of the ques for me but to give my short update things in my life are still screwed up as usual,I dont no what the hell i was thinking last journal ,so to say my mind is made up I no I dont love him and visversa for him.. Finding him in bed with any girl makes it easy but 2days later he's with another chick only this time he lets this hoe and her baby move in for a week !!!!the nerve of that mf!!!!Well as this story goes on I had surgery Friday andhad to stay overnite . A close friend of my grandparents passed away,not only that but the guy i have been talking about him and his grandfather live 1 mile down the road . this is a small town everyone no s every1 so his grandfather was also friends and neighbors of the deciesed. so its like this im lying in the hospital and their at the wake and this girl has been staying with him for a week and so calls him when he's at the funeral home and he gets mad because she ,s ROLLIN so he calls me and thinks i dont know anything so i play along and he tells me how much he wants to be with me and we'll always be together Im better than this and dont need his drama have enough of my own so life goes on and broken hearts heal.....

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Dec 2006
6:58 PM EDT

sorry its been days since I wrote but my time seems so limited. I've been reading other people's entries and it seems there are people just like me,but maybe not all the same problems??Well my story starts like this..I'm a nice looking girl and I have been married for 11years to my high school sweetheart and soulmate but we had some really bad tragedies in our lives !!!We was married in 1995 and months later his brother that was 14years old passed us in an automoble and loss control and run into a tree head on doing 70mph.. IT killed him and his girlfriend (same age).. Rumors started before they even grew cold that nite.. People said that we were racing . Thats just a bunch of BULL SHIT!!!! My husband was effected very much from this and the rumors but he also had to deal with his parents and grandparents believing the rumors and telling him , it should have been him because his brother was the good one.. So I have tried to support my husband in all ways I know how!! Then 2002 comes along and laborday me and my husband find our daughter floating in the family swimming pool....She was 2yrs old and the most beautiful child you could ever lay eyes on .Talk about have your heart torn out and your guts twisted so tight that a trip to the grocery store was absolutly sickening!!!It affectsthings that you never notice till you've had the world you stand in and live snatched out from underneath you ...... One thing I can recall is the RADIO , I live for music everything in my life had music surronding it,wake up with mtv,vh1,cmt on tv while getting ready for work radio at work, and at nite to sleep..I couldnt stand to hear it anymore and the songs made me hate so much more than I was already dealing with .. I had even got to the point I couldnt be around other people's kids I was so madd because they had their's and mine was gone...My cousin was the worst for me because she never brushed her little girl's hair or dressed her up and take her places?? Most of all it tore me and my husband apart.... So too make along story short my husband started drugs and I,m not talking a little harmless weed.... i'm talking cocain, crack crystal pills,,,,etc...anything to get a high to numb the pain for that second... I still stuck it out with my husband bcause I LOVE him.. eventually it lead to more trouble for him ... IT costed him 1 1/2 years in the pen and I stayed alone with daughter that was 9yearsold and Ihad just had our son that was only 3months old,but I sucked it up and got a job paid the bills and took care of the kids and the house,I still supported my husband Financilly and emotionally...My husband finally made parole and our son was going on to 2yrs old and was just getting to know his dad.. He came home in june and was locked back up again in april, not even 1whole year yet!!!!!!Well you guessed it for the same damn thing DRUGS, now he's facing time up to 2008-2010..Ilove him but I'm growing tired!!! All I want is a normal family .. Is normal asking to much??? I want him to love me the way I love him!! Iknow he loves me just not the way I want .. I have always been faithfull to him,, but this last year I have met someone and I have fallen for him,,But I'm confused if its because I want to be loved or I'm just missing the attention of the oppisite sex.. I always felt good about myself Iknow Im pretty andI'm not concided but here lately it feels like it's slipping away ..It would be nice for aman to notice and say so would be even better!!!! The only thing about the other guy is AGE he's 24 and I'm 29.. Now don't get me wrong I love the sex!!!!! I especially like being the 1 in control and experienced...It's a great turn on and I'm at the peak of my sex life right now and I don't want that to be taken away from me because of the mistakes he has made.. I have feelings for both now either way I go It's gonna be a heartache???? So am I wrong for what I'm doing ???Will things ever change for the good in our marriage????I know in my heart it'll never work with the younger one even though we have the greatest SEX it just wouldnt work??? I think????so I guess one day I'll figure out what I want but I wouldnt mind an opinion or suggestion... So here's where my screen name comes in BLUE4U!!!!!!!!

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Dec 2006
6:20 PM EDT

today was such a long dull day ,thank god every day isnt the same.life is unpredictable some good some bad.if you was like me it would be80% bad . I know I,m a good person but why was I dealt the hand I was???????? IS there really a reason for EVERYTHING???? all I really want is just to be an average person with an average life but I guess then I would want to be an unaverage person running buck wild without a care in the world

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Username: blue4u

Gender / Age: Female, 47

Location: USA - Louisiana

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