Just another sad story...

I've been traped for so long in memories of him, but now... Im letting go. It feels great to let go, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel as if I could fly, and nothing can hold me back. Its like freedom all over again, to breathe without hesitation, for the first time. Im letting go and�Matt cant do anything to stop me the only thing I can do now is to keep walking forward, and not glance back on what used to be.

I've made a new rule for myself, dont wonder what could have been and spend preciouse seconds on what I could have done to prevent him from leaving. So I look forward to a fresh start, and know that God will help me every step of the way, all I have to do is trust him. I once heard that God gives us opsticals to over come so that we are ready for the future. And�I believe it, because everyday is a special day, God gives us messages everyday, all you have to do is pay attention and you will see them.

So now Im free of Matts memories, a new start, clean slat, whatever you wish to call it. So now I look forward eagerly to a new day to see what God has planned for me.

I thank BellaLuz17 for helping me to forget about Matt, I feel so much better thank-you!

There is nothing sadder in this life than

to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you.

To watch the distance between your two bodies expand

until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence.�

��� I cant take it anymore! Its like a part of me is missing, ever since the day he left. And I dont know how to get it back.� I hate feeling like this. I feel like Im falling down a an endless tunnel with no escape...�

��� He said I love you, and then turned and walked away. I want to get over him, and forget. But everytime he looks at me with that smile of his, I have to start all over again. When he does that to me I just want to walk over to him and wipe that smile off his face and make him realize how much pain Im in because of him. I dont think he will ever understand this pain that fills me...

��� I try to hide the pain, bottle it up inside and forget about it. Every now and again, it gets the best of me, and I mess up. I want to forget... but I just dont now how.....

I feel like im all alone, yet im surrounded by people that care and love me. I dont understnad why I feel like this. Its like apart of me is missing and I dont know why. I cant help but wonder if this is all my life will be......nothing, absolute nothing. When Im at school I walk through the halls unnoticed, and in a daze. LIke everything is a dream.�

�Every night I lay in bed sometimes for hours. On these sleepless nights I wonder about my future. IS this all it will be? I fit in relativey well with other students yet I feel like an outcast, like Im fooling myself into thinking Im something Im not. Is there any hope?

I think of the days back when he cared.� I can thelp but wonder why he acts like he doesn't care anymore, in the past he stood up for me, now he laughs with all his friends when they make some rude comment to me. All the while Im thinking "Why me? what did I do to deserve this?" he used to care and now all I am is a ghost of his past, lost, forgotten and unwanted.

Ok so today Im walking out of Economics class and heading to my locker to grab my stuff and go home. Well this Adam kid comes and starts talking to me.

Ok this is how I see Adam, Really BIG, bad teeth(their strait but dirty/yellowish) He thinks he's a little know-it-all. He's always "correcting" me, interupts my conversations, and just plain rude, weird and a total mess!!!�

Well this is how the convo. goes

Him: hey do u have a minute

me: sure?

Him: I was wondering if u would want to catch a movie this weekend

Me: Sry but im busy (Ewww!!!)

Him: Okay maybe next weekend

He must be on crack or something because I have made it more than obviouse to him from past "conversations" if you can even call them that. That I REALLY dont like him, at all!� Nodda, Zip Zeero!

So any1 have any advice on how to get him to leave me alone? cause he like stalks me! No joke.

��� Note to self: make planes next weekend with friends!!!

I cant get rid of this feeling, all I know is that something is missing. No matter how much I try I cant forget the memories that haunt me. You'd be suprised at how much a song or joke reminds me of you. But now your gone and Im left here wondering what went wrong.

Someday you'll cry for me like i cried for u

Someday youll miss me like i missed you

Someday youll need me like i needed you

Someday youll love me but i wont love you

I cant wait till its spring! I am so sick of all the snow and it being cold all the time. Because when its spring I will get to ride My horse Sonnys Zippo (Sonny) in shows and and do more traveling with him. Plus this year My parents are putting me on the rodeo circut and go to more speed events at Triple O and tear apart my new age gruop and show �'em what I've got! Cause my horse Sonny is a National Barrel Racer. And last summer/fall I was running barrel times of 16.82 seconds, key hole times of 7.032 seconds, and for pole bending I was running at a time of 22.85 seconds. I know they may not sound fast but when you listin to the other riders times in my previouse level and my level now I am one of the fastest. Also, Im the fastest rider in my county so thats pretty good, So Im just hoping that I will be as succesful as I was last year!

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Work to do with Sonny(my horse)

• Lower his head
• slow his jog
• work on dressage
• roll backs
• Speed & action(contesting)
• Key hole(contesting)
• Get to know more of his cues
• pole bending( Im already top in my age group in this but I want to get him moving faster)

Me

• Work on equetation in english
• practice showmanship
• get Sonny new tie down and headstall
• Make it to state again with Sonny

She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies.� And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside.� All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright.� All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself.� She can only fool herself for so long...

I dont know what to do. It feels like apart of me is missing. Ever since my best guy friend moved away, I dont now what to do. I used to love the outdoors... now I curse it almost every waking moment because there are just to many memories....� Passing him in the halls feels like Hell. I never have done well with silence, any form of silence. It feels like we have this agreement� "You dont talk to me, and I dont talk to you"� kinda thing.�He looks at me like he wants to say something, or like he's waiting for someting. But truthfully I dont want to know, because Im scared as to whatever it could be he wants to say. The most I get out of him is a nod of the head! According to him this his is way of saying hi... Bullshit!� We used to be able to tell each other anything! At one point in time he even admitted that I was the only person he could really trust and talk to. I dont get why Im getting the silent treatment. Maybe Im not good enough for him anymore....� The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth

To make matters worse my own family doesn't trust me. I dont know what I did wrong, they say I am a disapointment to them....almost every day. I've been losing my mind, and living a lie. Everything they have ever told me I know they dont mean, because if they did, they would actually say it to my face...

For me, trust is hard to come across. Sometimes my friends think that they are being "sneaky" when they talk about me. Little do they know that I can hear them. Every time that I think I can trust someone they proove me wrong, and that I cant trust them. My whole family talks about me, like Im some type of disappointment to them. But they wont ever say it to my face. So I dont have strait A's like my brother and sister, cant they just accept me for who I am? No matter how hard I try, I never seem to please them. So I've stoped trying, let them think what they want.

You can always find me in a sea of people always talking to someone. But then there are those short moments in time when Im left alone and I wonder, can I trust these people? are they really my friends? Do they talk behinde my back? and Im to stupid to relize it? When I want too, I can walk among the crowds of�people and not be noticed, like Im invisible. Why is it when you have great friends and a great life that you still feel all alone?