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Tuesday 11:47 PM

Is it all in my head?

so i thought i found a good guy...he kept sayin i wanna see you...i wishu live closer blah blah blah...well we havent seen eachother we havent hung out...we havent done shit...why why why...i feel like i shouldnt even b around anymore...i feel like everyone is talkin shit behind my back n really dont like me..i dont kno what to do...i wanna get away n start fresh as the new Dianna...not the thick girl that can dance well, or the one who allows everyone to talk all over her. I am confident in some ways but some im not..i feel as if im not need nor wanted anymore...

So it's another Saturday in sunny Wales and I've been very lazy today, was meant to doing some housework and found myself selecting my dream team for the start of�Euro 2008 most of the morning. I did manage to make cheese on toast a la Emma after rolling a few cheeky ones to wet my appetite�.�

�I have now selected my team and as we speak am watching the first match, Switzerland v the Czech Republic as I have players from both team in my superb dream team called Em's Boys! Not even sure why I'm writing a journal or why anyone wants to read what im upto today but there's not alot of action on the football and added to my new fabulous igoogle home page and thought id give it a go! Who knows if I use this to vent some of life's frustrations now and again, might reduce the amount of rolling i need to do!!!

Me

today was gay

Today is a wonderful friday! things have been running really smooth with the start off of a wonderful luncheon that my boss threw for the ERT members. Good Job michele!��today is the start off to hopefully a really relaxing and exciting weekend! My nephew is turning 1 year old tomorrow, its funny how fast 12 months can fly and a person's life can change in just so little time. with my new nephew around, the family has definitely came closer and so has the age of the rest of our family to start popping out some kids. Im now 21 years old (still in my Prime) but have considered maybe having one for sake of a new chapter to start in my everyday routine life. BUT, Im pretty happy not having to deal with the worries and headaches that come with a child. I plan to live up my prime as much as possilbe. Lately, I been trying to figure out if my friends are my true friends. I lived an hour away a few months back and i just recently moved closer to my hometown and things still seem distant with them. I would always make the effort to make time for them and spend $40.00 dollars a saturday just so i could be in the comfort of my old high school chicas! but the favor hasnt been returned as often as i would like and as often I made time for them! Oh well, is all i can say now but in time hopefully there effort will improve. besides all the sad stories i can go on and on about, my new place, I absolutely adore! everyday after work i love to go home walk through the door and slip off my 4 inch high heels, and dig my toes into the plush carpet in the living room, grab a blanket and veg out on the couch watching my fav, "what not to wear." tonight will be one of those nights, maybe but i think i might have me a glass a wine and add my new cozy slippers i bought. Happy Friday everyone!

i wasnt feeling well. it was so hOoT the whole day..

i feel like im goin` to die. it's so humid..

work was kinda slow and� boring..but im still TIRED!!

i hate felling tired..its really killing me..

by the way, i haven't introduce myself

who cares! its not a big deal tho.. RIGHT?!?!

i dont care what are you gonna say

but i want you to listen

to everything words im gonna say..

i need you to listen..

im sad..im really really sad.

i need help..

i dont know what to do..

i cannot help myself from holding back

yes im with someone else right now

but its not right..you wanna know why?

its because..im just lying to this person

i know its sound� so BAD..

but im not a bad person..

i just want to make this person to be happy...

what should i do?...

Why is there more owed than we have? aaarrrggh!

Our class are going to Arethusa venture center in Rochester, by the river Medway, on Monday and I can't wait. We're going to sleep in separate dormitorys with our friends, I'm going with Chris, Oscar and Oli. All of us are going to bring sweets to eat in the night, its going to be really cool. At the venture center there are climbing walls, an extra large swimming pool, the river which we are going to go kyacking in, an archery ground and lots of other cool stuff. We are going with Mr Johnson and Mrs Cullinane, who have been many times before with other classes. It's gonna be great! This is the website: www.arethusa.org.uk

I sit here wondering how life is going to be next year. There's a new school, with all new people, I'm not sure how I'm going to do. This year, everyone changed. There are a lot of people that now have fake personalities, and talk about me behind my back, just like they do to everyone else. It hurts, cause I was best friends with all these people last year. I don't know what's going to happen next year, but I sure hope things get better. I've tried hurting myself a couple of times, but luckily I have some good friends who stopped me, and I'm not very good coping with pain. Then there's dance..I'm a competition dancer. But, it's not as great as it sounds. A lot of the dancers don't like me, it's my first year as a competitive dancer, I'm sorry I'm not perfect. There's a pool party today, so I better get ready for that. I'm so sick of babysitting my sister everyday of my summer, and it's only the first week. Lovely.

Noon: I can start updating again.� Someday I'll write about why I�had to stop for so long.

- Dirty Girl &�I will be moving into a new house this week.� Two move events, Friday-Sun, and then Monday the movers come to get the big/heavy stuff

*********

8AM - Must finish SuperSearch systems Edison & Tesla by Friday 8/28.

9AM - WAS�Upgrade meating with Peter &�the rest of the upgrade team.� They need both NWIE�VM�images set up by Friday also.

Since 10am this morning I've been working on ITP project, ME2:

- ITP ME2 servers are moved to Columbus

- Cuervo and I�are re-ip'ing them and trying to get them to start up normally in the new network space.� Stuffer was being a total pain in the arse for a while but I�think I�have him on-board with the action items.

- must edit /etc/ldap.conf &�/etc/openldap.conf to add line:

nns_initgroups_ignoreusers root,ldap,named,avahi,haldaemon,dbus,satellite

- edit /etc/modules.conf &�remove reference to pcnet32

- edit /etc/fstab and remove 3 lines added by vmware

- After demter &�hestia are done, the rest of the boxes should come up without issue

- Forgot to change /etc/resolv.conf.� Hestia can't resolve anyone so she's not letting us in.� but that shouldn't happen with the nss line.� hmm.

- chkconfig off rhnsd &�osad?

*********

4:40PM - every one of these servers are fucked.� none of them can get on the network to talk with their LDAP host, so none of them will let anyone log in.� What a fucking nightmare.� I�have to break into every one of these machines and fix the configurations.

All of them get host name changes

IP�addresses changed

Resolvers/Search

LDAP hosts

VMWare Tools

Loghosts

NTP�host

Mail Relays

Backup Clients

This has to happen or it won't come online.� If it won't come online, you can't log in.� :)

*********

9:10PM

- Mr.�T said that the firewall rules were just finished and the network is shut off on these servers until the IPs are changed etc.� No wonder we couldn't even ping gateway.� It would have been nice to be informed of that bit of trivia.

- fuckers -

- We're going to call it a day and sleep a bit if we can.

- AM�- must talk to Cole and get my access level bumped up so I�can initiate tool installs without hand holding.

�- Have to get nets turned on and test accesses.

�- Get Cuervo the info that he needs to carry this on without me, or with Stuffer.�

- Dirty Girl &�I are going to meet Nikita to give her the $$ and get the $K.

�- I'll meet Grandpa Simpson and trade my Mercedes for his Suburban for the weekend.� Dirty Girl takes Scooby to work, I�bring Suburban back here and finish Oracle server build for WAS Project, and get UID's created on Edison &�Tesla for Country Boy, Becky, and Kipper.

*******

Calling it a night, logging out of work.� Going to start tearing down the other computers and prepping them for the move.

******

hi~

this account is specialy open for a particular reason~

u might probably find out.....but it is wat i would like to tell u but i dare not to tell u..........

there is too many things to tell........

if u really find this.........

then wat i wanna to tell is all in the private journal~

waiting u to explore~

password........if u really remember then u will know~^^

that's all for this~

缘分……是一种奇妙的东西~^^

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I'm sad for a few reasons.

Mandy & Scarlet left on Sunday and I'm missing them sooo much.

I got a call from cousin Michelle to tell me that Aunt Helen has suffered a massive heart attack and needed surgery. She's come through the surgery and will be in hospital for the next 1-2 wks., they're keeping her unconscience for now. They don't know how (or if) she's going to pull through this. I am very conflicted about going out there to see the family - conflicted and sad.

Then the husband decides to argue with me on Monday about something so stupid, so trivial and then during that arguement he took a verbel swipe at me and it felt just like I'd been kicked. The arguement stopped right then but the feeling that I'd been kicked is still hurting. What an idiot he is sometimes!

Maybe today will be better, I'll get used to Mandy being gone, Aunt Helen will improve and "stupid" will not seem so annoying.

Hi, this is my first post :)

Quote of the day

"The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Universe entry of the day

The funny thing, Ed, is that in spite of the euphoria one feels upon entering paradise, cloaked in miracles, surrounded by angels, love, and unimaginable beauty, it gradually becomes all they know, commonplace, ordinary, and then, shockingly... invisible.

Yep, I'm talking about life on earth.

Yippee Kai-Ye,

-The Universe-

Journal entry of the day

Love, love, love, da-da-da, love, love, love, etc., etc.

Famous and great song. The longer I ponder it the more I relize and believe that the root of God and all things good is love. God is love is a Christian concept and the only religion on the planet to make this proclamation. Dr. Wayne Dyer quoted someone who said, "The only difference between good and God is "o" or nothing. There is no difference. We are all capable of God like qualities if we share love.

Well tomorrow I get to go back to work. I went to the diabetic doc on Thursday. She is pleased with my progress.� Work has me "floating" to another place. It will cost me more in gas...but I guess it's better then dealing with the B.S at work.

I finally started to exercise yesterday. I did 30 min on the gym bike at the apartment. Today I was on 43 minutes when I started to get chest pains. Went home and took two asprins. It got better-I am still alive.

Went to church with dad and then didn't do much of anything else the rest of the day. my sugar was spiking high today and my stomach feels funny. Oh boy...back to work and I pray I am ok to work.

Well, I couldn't get on this to type a journal...I couldn't remember my password...lol... Well, i am back now-lets just hope I feel good this week to type the journal.