tami2005's Journal

I remember the way you use to kiss my lips and the way that your hands would ever so softly rub my skin and I think of the raging passion that I felt inside and I wonder could I ever feel that way again. You are an angel that was sent to me by heaven above. We shared more than our thoughts...we shared our lives, our hearts, and our souls. Together we laid� in a bed of love that only could come from above. I told you I would always love you and I do still love you till this day but the problem now is that the situation is more complicated that what it was....I can not just walk out of her door....I still love her but I love you more so the question then becomes what do I do...Do I stay or do I go or do I just get to love you when the chance comes along.....then the question becomes the next time that you make love to me what will I feel....will I stay or will I go.....the way you look and the way you dress is enough in itself to drive me crazy.....you were my first true love and I will never forget the moments of love that we shared and I just wonder when will I feel that way again.

Boredom

That's what this is but what is boredom

its that feeling you get when you have absolutely nothing to do

but all you can think of is the things you'd rather be doing and the places you'd rather be

its sitting there with the tv in front of you and nothing's on so you turn on the radio

but there's nothing on the radio either none of your friends are available so all you really can do

is think and the thoughts you think you don't want to be thinking because they torture you

yup that's boredom and that's exactly what this is!!!!

Today was a good day. I kinda got mad at a couple of things but then again being here that is just a part of life and all I can do is bite my tongue. Hopefully one day we will be out of here and I will not have to worry about all that is going on here...The stress that I have from living here makes it so hard to keep my head on straight and not want to go back to the past but every day I get up and tell myself that it is not worth it and I have my family to talk to when I need them...I know that my mom is always here anytime that I need to talk to her and I am grateful for that. I just have to keep telling myself one day at a time and then one day I will wake up and this battle will be over....It will help to get in a different place but that will come in time....Thanks to my mom for being here for me when I need to talk to....you are more help than you know....I thank you for all you do and I love you.

Today was a streesful day today. I just have to focus on that things will not always be this way and that there is always a brighter day. I have not done anything bad today so for that I am proud of myself. I did get mad at someone today for something that they said...it bothered me for a while but like I said I just have to remind myself every day that things will get better. I just have to bite my tongue and focus on the postive and know in my heart that the things that my family is going through will get better and one day we will have our own place and we all will be one happy family....My� focus right now in my life is staying clean although it is a daily fight that I must fight on my own and I will one day overcome this pain and struggle that is inside of me...the next focus in my life is finding a job so that I can help out my family and myself and be able to stand on my own two feet again with out someone being there to help me...I want to know that I can do it all on my own before I have someone special in my life that I have to take care of too....If I can manage these two things then I know my life will once again be what it is suppose to be. I know that I can do it with the help of my loving mom...my loving daddy and all of my loving sisters and that is all I need in life to keep my life on the straight path....I will do this....one day at a time....I just have to keep biting my tongue right now considering this is the only place that my family and I have and I will do that even though it is hard to do at times. I look at my little nephew that is four years old and I wish that I could be that young again because at that age you have nothing to worry about...Adults take care of you but then one day you wake up and you are an adult and that is when you reliaze that life is real and that life is hard....all you can do is hold your head high and look towards the future because as long as you can resist all temptation then you have a future and I just have to keep telling mysef that I do have a future and that I am loved by my family and that is all that I need in my life right now...Good night my dear journal and I will write again tomorrow.