smb's Journal

MY STORY: given at church OCT 2006

When I was asked to speak to you all to share my story, I first thought, "what story? I don't have a story." But then after asking God if I had a story I realized I must have a story because only about three and half years ago I didn't know God and to add to that, my life has been CRAZY with mishaps, sadness, let downs, disappointments and even tragedy. So that must mean I have some kind of story. Actually it seems as if I have two stories.

1^st part

First, I wasn't raised as a Christian. I didn't have any religion or faith in my life although I often had unanswered questions about whom God was and why I felt the need to know Him. After my husband, Donnie, and I got married we visited a few churches- all because I felt the need to experience God. I think these sudden urges I had, wanting to learn more about Jesus, was God "talking to me" He didn't give up on me!

Then we started going to a church in Moorcroft (because a lot of Donnie's family went there) that provided us with our first year as Christians,,, we learned a lot there and I feel so blessed that I was able to come to Jesus and commit my life to Him and make lots of positive changes in my life. A little over a year ago we decided to find a local church here in Gillette. We went to several different churches and for on reason or another they just didn't feel right. I don't believe one needs to be a church goer to be a Christian but I knew, personally, I needed the support and wanted more spiritual knowledge that I knew I could get in church.

2^nd part

Donnie and I married in 99, had Jett in O2 and Oakley 21 months later. Donnie had a bad back and two major surgeries. He became addicted to his pain pills which I really wasn't aware off. Last year was very rough,,, both of my mom's parents passed away, my parents got a divorce after 34 years and I was starting to realize I was on a bad roller coaster with my husband's addiction. I forgot to mention Donnie also had a pacemaker and a family heart condition that we were always told could be fatal but probably not in him because he didn't have it that bad. As every bad thing kept happening to me I kept asking God "what next?"

On March 6^th, Donnie went to work and never came home. He called me that afternoon, waking me from a nap. I wasn't very nice to him on the phone and that was the last time I ever talked to him. He died at work because his heart quit due to his heart condition and I don't think his heart could handle his addiction. Let me tell you a little about Donnie, despite his addiction he was an amazing man. He loved Jesus Christ, he loved me and the boys and his family and he touched the lives of everyone he came in contact with. He had an outgoing, positive contagious personality. I miss him dearly everyday.

Part 3

Now let me tell you how God has worked in this crazy life I just explained. I feel like God has never given up on me. He's seen me through all the tough times. When Donnie died I started praying more than I ever had,,, I talked to, cried to and even yelled at God. Some how I went into survival mode and God got me through the funeral. But then things started to get worse for me emotionally and spiritually. Then I was invited by some friends to come to Gillette Berean. I did come and my life has continued to change in wonderful ways. I know God has a plan for me and what that is only he knows,,, but it is my job to listen to him, learn from everything that has happened in my past and be the best I can be to work for God. What a blessing he brought me to you all here at Gillette Berean. This is the first church I feel totally comfortable and I know I am able to worship freely and I am learning what God wants me to be learning by coming here.

Now, what I've learned from these experiences,,, I learned how to never take anyone or anything for granted and this life here on earth is short, sometimes too short so do what you need to do and say what you need to say, NOW, because you never know when that chance will be gone. I also have to say that we must trust in God that he sees our pains and feels our hurts and that love from God will get us through. I have good days and bad days but let me tell you the good outweigh the bad and some days I feel overwhelmingly positive and strong and I give all the credit to God.

I also learned to take the serenity prayer seriously….

God, please give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN

I also learned to be so grateful and thankful to God for the little things. I thank God for the big things as we all do,,, for our children and families and our health and finances. But I also thank Him for the little things, like the fact that I can get up out of bed every morning, that I can walk and I'm physically able to work out. I say these things because I can always, even in my toughest times can always think of someone who has greater obstacles to overcome than myself. And I thank God for each of these blessings each day, because I know, for example, today I can walk, but tomorrow I could get in an accident and be paralyzed.

Psalm 121 gets me through.

Thanks be to God for seeing me through all of this and for bringing me to Gillette Berean and thanks to all of you, for your support and allowing me to be able to say, "I truly love my Church family"