emma's Journal

Dec 2006
6:08 AM EDT

hey bitches. i'm at school. just chillin in the writing lab. i'm high...ish. hella fucking cool going to school "high" you should try it. gotta go write a paper, even though i can barely see the screen.

Add comment

Dec 2006
6:06 AM EDT

how do you give a DECENT b/j?

Add comment

Dec 2006
7:01 AM EDT

Here is a plea/ From my heart to you/ Nobody knows me/ As well as you do/ You know how hard it is for me/ To shake the disease/ That takes hold of my tongue/ In situations like these/ Not now/ Though I’d die to know you love me/ I am all alone/ And if I bleed, I’ll bleed Knowing that you care/ And If I sleep, I’ll sleep Just to dream of you/ To wake without you there/ Isn’t something missing?/ Isn’t someone missing me?/ Don’t turn away/Don’t give in to the pain/ Don’t try to hide Though they’re screaming out your name/ Don’t close your eyes/ God knows what lies behind them/ Don’t turn out the lights/ Never sleep/ Never die/ Whatever you do/ Don’t scream/ And don’t cry/ Fallen angels at my feet/ Whispered voices in my ear/ Death before my crying eyes/ Lying next to me I fear/ Shall I wait?/ Shall I give in?/ Or continue living life in sin/ Upon my end, shall I begin/ Forsaking all/ I’ve fallen/ For I rise to meet the end/ I’ve been looking in the mirror for so long/ I’ve come to believe my soul Is on the other side/ All the pieces falling shatter/ Shards of me All this pain/ And all this misery/ Unite to form a deathly combination/ (Of disastery/ Of my thoughts and feelings/ Now I know how it feels/ Once again to live/ Once again to breathe/ Once again to know/ I have people looking out for me/ These pieces too sharp to put back together/ Lighter than a feather/ And too small to matter/ But big enough to cut me in to little pieces/ If I try to touch her/ There in the mirror/ And I bleed/ I bleed/ And I breathe/ I breathe…no more/ Lie to me/ convince me i am crazy/ Convince me I’ve been sick forever/ Toy with my mind/ And tell me/ To just leave it all behind/ And things will make sense when I get better/ But I know/ I know/ I know the difference between myself and my reflection/ I can’t/ However/ Help but wonder/ Which of us do you love better?/ And I’d die to know you love me/ Die to feel you hold me/ Die to know I’m yours/ Die to know that you are mine forever/ And I bleed/ I bleed/ And I breathe/ I breathe…/ I breathe…/ No…more

Add comment

Dec 2006
6:24 AM EDT

i went to the counselor's office and got accused of using coke. which i DON'T use. my mom burst in to tears and i assured her it was a false claim. i eventually got out of that but it was hella hard. i had a shitty weekend. i didn't DO anything. didn't smoke anything or drink anything. i was a good girl and i got to see my man a couple of times too. my man dropped by the way. he dropped cause he's an idiot. he's an idiot cause he dropped.

Add comment

Dec 2006
12:21 PM EDT

my life sucks. i got grounded for stealing and my mom is sending me to counseling because she found out i cut. i hate my life and i hate this world. everything and everybody can go to hell!! Have a good day and remember i love you!

Add comment

Nov 2006
5:58 AM EDT

so...i had a very busy vacation. tuesday i spent the night at my friends house and her dad made us teqila (sp?) sunrise's, and we got drunk and rolled down their back yard. then on thursday i went over to my aunts house to cook the turkey for thanksgiving dinner. i saw flushed away and happy feet (which is fantastic!) and i went shopping saturday. on friday my boyfriend came over and my mom drove us to the movies to see Deja Vu which was okay. it was a little confusing though. we then took my BF home and i got a new kitten. it's 10 weeks old and her name is Zoe. she is the cutest thing i've ever seen. she likes to sleep on my head at night :-) on monday, i called my BF after school and he sounded tired. i asked him what was wrong and he said he didn't feel good cause he'd sprained his ankle playing basketball in gym but he would call me later. i called him a pussy cause it's just a sprain and hung up. at 9:15 he called me back and told me he'd gone to the hospital and gotten an x-ray and they told him he'd broken his ankle in 2 places. then i felt bad about calling him a pussy. he also has this thing called "Turf's toe" w/e the fuck that is. anyway, love ya gotta go. my BF also gave me a promise ring which i am wearing right now.

Add comment

Nov 2006
6:55 AM EDT

God! i fucking hate my computer apps teacher! she's a bitch-ass mother fucker! i fuckin did the 80 point assignment and she gave me a mother fuckin zero. my boyfriend came over last night for like a half an hour to say goodbye till he comes over tomorrow. my friend was suposed to bring me 4 to 6 ounces of mary jane today but he can't seem to get a hold of the guy he gets it from. it pisses me off that we can't even count on our mother fuckin dealers to bring our shit, after we've already payed them for it. the bitches! gotta go. the comp. apps. teach from hell is back and checkin us! love ya, beyotch's

Add comment

2 comment(s) - 04:51 PM - 11/25/2006

Nov 2006
5:39 AM EDT

how's my fan club doing? i had a great day tuesday. my boyfriend came over and we played! my mom was in Topeka for job training and wouldn't be back until 6:15, so my BF came over at 4'ish and we got in my bed and played!i gave him head. he gave me head. it was great. gotta go.

Add comment

1 comment(s) - 09:41 PM - 11/23/2006

Nov 2006
7:04 AM EDT

if God had wanted people to give blow jobs then he wouldn't have given us teeth.

Add comment

1 comment(s) - 09:40 PM - 11/23/2006

Nov 2006
7:01 AM EDT

my name is "Emma" you may call me Emma. i am ____years old and i live in _____, Kansas. my phone number is(___) ___-____, and i am not an idiot. i go to _____High school and i am in the __th grade. i am not a virgin, in fact it is a high possibility that i am pregnant. i have been smoking pot for 4 years, i have drinking for 6 years, and i have been smoking cigs for 4 years. i am a cutter...sort of. i promised my boyfriend i would stop if he stopped. my mother, whom i hate, has NO idea what i do in my "spare" time. she has no idea that i sneak out to get drunk and get high and make love to the man i love. she has no idea i'm no longer a virgin. my life is fucked up. i have been recently having quite a few thoughts of suicide due to the tragic death of me friends lives. 2 of my friend died in a drunken car accident on Friday, October 13th, 2006. my ex--that i loved with all my heart--, his father--who is legally insane--was his (while on his motorcycle) by an oncoming semi on the highway and died instantly. This friend OD'd on a Speedball approximately one month later. his sister killed herself by "playing" the pass-out game 2 weeks after that, and their mother who was best friends with my aunt, slit her wrists. Every REAL cutter knows, however, that you must walk UP THE STREET not DOWN THE STREET to do any REAL damage. i am sitting here in class doing something i'm not supposed to be doing...i'm masturbating. i'm kidding! that's nasty. not really...just don't get caught in public. use it as a way to make your boyfriend want you even more when you're talking to him on the phone. start masturbating while you're talking to him. tell him what you're doing and how good it feels. it will turn him on to know that you are pleasuring yourself while talking to him at the same time. it'll make him rush right over to see you! works every time! i get depressed really easily. a little advice from me to you...do not listen to Eminem's curtain call when you are depressed becaus eit will only make your shit even worse. believe me, i know from personal expierience. my mom is going to topeka today for job training and as a result will not be back until 5 or 6:30, which is way after my boyfriend and i get off of school. so i am going to make him come over and i am going to give him head and make him give me head. he LIKES giving me head though, so it's cool. just to let you know, i am a very open person. i am open about everything except where i live and people's names. i am open about sex and drugs and alcohol and everything bad like that. ask me anything. ask me how big my boyfriends dick is and i'll tell you it's 7 inches and getting bigger...for me. i might come back and write another entry later becaus ei do actually like this site. it's great for getting shit off your shoulders. i have been doing very good about not drinking lateley. i have been sober for a month and a week and i haven't cut for about 1 1/2 weeks. i haven't smoked in one day and i haven't gotten high in 4 days. my boyfriend, however, is not doing so hot. P.S. i cuss a-hella-mother-fucking-lot as well.

Add comment

emma's Profile

Username: emma

Gender / Age: Female, 33

Location: USA - Kansas