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I� had a good day today, even though I had a bit of a headache.� I am so tired and I�feel like I�haven't sleep for days.� I�had an appointment with my Case Manager and I think that went well, but then I�find out my doctor retired and that bummed me out.� I�didn't sleep well last night at all.� I�am so tired I�could climb into bed and go to sleep right this minute and feel like sleeping for 2 weeks.� I�wish I�had some medicine to help me sleep better.I went to Jewelry club and had fun, even though I�kind of lost interest in making jewelry for a bit.� I�gave a bracelet to my friend because she is going to help me out to pay fior a movie tomorrow when we go with Healthy Living.� I�hope we see a movie that we all like.� It's going to be fun I�think.� I am taking a sack lunch.
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I feel like i have so much time on my hands, and i dont know what to do with it.

I read alot. But after i finish the book i wish i had tooken more time reading it.

I play the piano. But i can only play the piano during the day. Grand Pianos have a loud sound. =]

I write sometimes. But i can't get feedback on it because i don't want to put my writing up anywhere. Last time i did that i got all of it stolen.

I play games, like online and stuff. But they all seem to be so easy, and worthless.

I look things up. Learn about things i don't know about. But sometimes i feel like that's pretty worthless as well.

I draw, paint, etc. But i usually throw it away or put it in my basement. Rejection scares me. Alot.

I spend my days getting through them. Waiting for somthing to happen. Waiting to figure the reason i'm here. What duty do i serve?

Talking to other people about these things is a waste of time. When you speak as if you came out of a poetry book, people don't really get the grip on what you're saying.

I want to run away. Not really run away from my parents/friend/family. Just run away from me. What i've become. I want to go someplace where i can just lay and look at the stars without a plane hovering overhead, or so much lights on the streets you can barly tell its twilight. I know running away is not an opition. But it sounds nice.

-if you've read this whole thing, i applaud you.

Well, journal, I got this brilliant idea last night since I couldn't go to sleep.I figured that I could use you to as a sleep diary too.Soo...I've been awake now for 22 hours,30 minutes,& 56 seconds.On top of being really tired,I broke up with my boyfriend chris 2 days ago.It's kinda sad,but it's his fault.Advice to everyone:Insomniacs and people with anger problems do not mix!!!�� Me and Chris always got along well until it came time to go to bed.You see the problem with me having insomnia is the fact that I like to�walk around the house cleaning and everything else to wear myself out so I can go to sleep and Chris would get aggravated with it.�Well, the other night he was really pissed off for some reason and he got more irritated than usual with my antics and he hit me,so I kicked him out.Okay...so I have now been awake for 23 hours,34 minutes,&28 seconds.Well I g2g ttyl.

So, I have been up all night.� Again.� I really should be going to bed more.� I live with the most wonderful man, that I love more than I know how to say.� Yet, most nights he goes to bed alone, and I stay up.

I could go to bed now, but I know I'll just disturb his sleep.� So I postpone. I'll wait until it's nearly time for his alarm, then I'll go and cuddle him - and then I'll finally fall asleep.

In a way, it's better this way.� I know he sleeps better when I'm not tossing and turning and fidgeting next to him.� And I sleep when I would otherwise be on my own here.� And then we get the evening together.� So, it's not all bad.� It's probably for the best.

Except, that isn't the reason I don't go to bed with him.� I stay up because I'm terrified of going to bed, and trying to sleep in the dark, and having nightmare after nightmare, and lying awake in the dark full of anxiety I can't dispell.

So tired.� So very damn tired.

If only being tired was enough to enable me to sleep.