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    •     iwannabethin98  26, Female, Louisiana, USA - First entry!
    28
    Feb 2011
    7:53 PM MST
       

    Day 01.

    120.
    Thats how much I weighed today, hopefully i keep up the pound a day weight loss, mabey even more.� I Want to be 99 pounds by Vacation, which is in 53 Days.� My stomach keeps growling but I remind myself that if i eat ill be fat.� And there is no person who likes fat people.� I Hate The Way I Look.� Im so ugly.� Not to mention how fat I am.� Most Likey over weight.� I look in the mirror and im instantly disguested.� I wonder if other people think that.� Who am I kidding. They do.� Ashley Alleman Is mad at me for starving myself.� Idont Care, Shes jealous she doesnt have the will power.� When im skinny everyone will like me! Thats why shes so mad! How Pathetic shes that Jealous! She says im unhealthy just because shes jealous! Whatever!

    Supper-
    I Eat nothing.
    My parents go to taco bell because they think its my fave. fast food place. But theyre wrong.� Thats The Fat me's fave. place.� Ashley Granger thinks i cant not eat.� Ill prove her wrong.� I dont NEED Food. Food wont control Me. I Control me.� And I WILL Be Skinny And Beautiful.
    Its 7:37 and im sitting in my room crying.� It Lets out everything built up inside.� And it burns calories. Im Pathetic.
    Tags: anorexia, anorexic, hunger, sad, skinny
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    1 comment(s) - 12:14 AM - 03/04/2011
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        Janira  33, Female, Louisiana, USA - 19 entries
    21
    Feb 2011
    1:07 AM
       

    HAHA!!! YAY!!! I HAVE OVER COME A BIG TRIAL!!! WHOO I fell so relaxed (well a little) But i'm happy to know that I know where I am going =D
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        Privacy963  28, Male, California, USA - 54 entries
    18
    Feb 2011
    4:50 AM
       

    Dear Diary OH woe is me for my memory is horrid and I cannot remember evrytime. Perhaps I need to use my memory more starting now. So heres an upate Egpyt and Tunisia had a revolution and now other countries have their revolts as well. Whether they tun t AMerica orto Iran we will never know. But back to home. Eveythings good so far xcept Dad's getting so I should stay away from him. Carlos M will let me hang out with him but the problem is Im busy after school and yeah Im busy I messed up with my sins again oh I hope God can forgive me I really do mess up. For now though I will pray. everything is going wll now and here this funny thing that happened today. WE were all in Biology and I accident called the teacher the wrong name and it resulted in me yelling at Richmond and stating "RICHMOND'S A LIAR LOOK AT HIS FACE" everyone started crack up and Mr.Douglas even had to leave the room. Oh yeah he joked about P guess he's not a conservative anyways his DAD is but after that was a high peak of the day. I need to sleep soon though so Yours Truly Philip Inocerta Macapagal
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        JustKeepSmiling :)  32, Female, California, USA - 2 entries
    10
    Feb 2011
    7:41 PM CST
       

    What do you say when you want a friend to feel better? The truth is no one believes a person when they say, "I know how you feel." How can anyone possibly understand.

    But I do. I went through pain and suffering. Maybe different circumstances, but the feelings are the same. For everyone on this Earth. So why are there still people out there who don't have compassion or empathy? Or at least some sympathy? We have all hurt in some way or another. Others hide it better than others but pain is pain. It hurts. It weighs down on you like a heavy brick. And each day you keep on smiling and lying to yourself more bricks get added every day until your stuck and can't go on anymore.
    That's why it's so important to be open with your friends. To vent! To let some of that poison out even if it means they are going to scream and cry in front of me, curse, throw things. It's better than to hide it and allow it to fester and grow into a monster that you can no longer control.
    I did that. I was stupid and 16. No wonder right? But I learned the hard way. Now, I am older and hopefully wiser. I wish people could understand the foolishness of such emotions like, hate and anger. How they don't help you at all and they only make your life harder and more miserable. Like Buddha said, I can't really quote it perfectly but it goes something like this: "Anger is like holding a hot coal in your hands with the intention of throwing it at the other person. But all you are doing is burning your own hand."
    You get it? I didn't. Not when I was 16 I didn't! I was sooo full and blinded by my anger and resentment against my mother and the abandonment I felt that I let it take me over. My entire life and youth for that matter. I became this emotional vampire, dark, alone, and depressed. Severely depressed. I blamed her for everything. I hated her. I wanted to see her to feel pain because I was suffering.

    Yup. Anger can make people do stupid things. That's why it doesn't make sense to me anymore why people would stick with it.
    For example, my parents had this nasty divorce. Did I mention it's been 2 years now...and of course they won't give up to anything meanwhile their blood sucking lawyers already took my college money.
    Yes, my life is complicated. But I looked at those two children that are my parents and bless them. I do. I say to myself, "Thank God that I learned from their terrible mistakes. That I am stronger now. That I learned." I go on with my day, seeing my mother and father, who believe me have horrible secrets and issues. They just won't admit it. From my alcoholic father, to my insecure mother who always finds the worst man to be with, (on purpose). It's sad truth be told.
    But I am so lucky to have my older sister. Sure, she can steal my clothes and ruin two fabulous pairs of shoes....and mess with my food that one time. Nevertheless, I love her. No matter what, I have her back and she has mine.

    In conclusion, no matter how messed up or complicated your life is, you need at least ONE person to be there and say, "I'm here for you. I love you. I think your hurting and angry and are saying this right now that later in life I know you will laugh at with me....and I see your hurt. But just know that you aren't crazy. Your not. Your a good person." Yes, everyone has the potential of being a good person. It's the higher road, and also the harder one. I just wish my friend can muster up the courage to really tell me whats on her mind and heart. Even if she tells someone else, I wouldn't care. I just want to see her better. Happy and well. Wether or not we are still friends when she does. When you care about a person that really doesn't matter. Just as long as they are happy.
    Tags: depression, divorce, friends, parents, problems
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        IAmTheKidYourMomWarnedYouAbout  28, Female, New York, USA - 2 entries
    06
    Feb 2011
    7:02 PM CST
       

    I Hate You.


    That Money you found in my closet?
    That wasn't me saving up for college.
    As soon as I'm eighteen,
    I'm getting out of this hell hole.




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    1 comment(s) - 07:28 AM - 02/16/2011
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        pjgirl  26, Female, United Kingdom - 4 entries
    01
    Feb 2011
    2:45 PM
       

    Argument with henry hate him. Toms being boring and good and ebonys ill! Woohoo!D: :(
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        lex  42, Female, California, USA - 137 entries
    30
    Jan 2011
    10:38 PM CST
       

    it's really been two months YIKES!

    Man I've been putting this off for some time now but finally found a nice Sunday night to write. Where do I start??

    The holidays where fantastic lots of eating and drinking and days off from work presents and pictures of snow from back east. Laura came to visit which was amazing amazing she is now living in San Diego for the next year. I really love her love friends that just get it and just know. Will be seeing her in two weeks in LA for some warm sunny parent hang out time.

    New family addition yesterday baby Oliver Henry Brill! Soooo cute and so happy to have more little cousins who call me Aunt Lex! love it up! Makes me sad not to be closer during times like these but I will visit soon in the spring.

    Job is good it's been a year which is amazing. Got into Lexilou mode have checking set up email marketing down and cocentrating on finishing our rates package. moving forward. moving forward.

    Been doing a little online dating and had a date this week with Mike from like a year and a half ago he just called me up out of the blue and asked to have drinks. It was really great to see him but don't think much has changed� in the I'm into Alexis front still seems to be on the same level and I haven't heard from him which is blah blah blah but damn is he cute :) Just going to leave it no messaging him late night or drunk I'm just in a different place now where I don't need that attention negative or positive just have a lot more going on and I kind of feel like you are in or you are out so pick one and lets move on for reaaaals.

    Had a good day today grocery shopping, yoga, fantastic fish tacos i made now going to dive into dan browns latest book. sounds lame but i love days like these a little alone time i love it. just me time is really good for me. so relaxing and wonderful sunday nights are some of the best.

    not going to get into all the other stuff running through my brain but also a note that this week is my three year mark of writting this journal!! woo hoo! who would have imagined this is the wonderful place i would have found myself in as when i started i feel like i was just a different person in a way different place. man how time really makes a difference.
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        baileyc01302000  24, Female, Massachusetts, USA - 2 entries
    29
    Jan 2011
    12:04 PM EST
       

    Perfect love means to love the one through whom one became unhappy.
    Tags: “美国时代, Love Your Enemys
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        DarkPrincessaMiranda  34, Female, Arizona, USA - 4 entries
    29
    Jan 2011
    2:45 AM
       

    Jealousy

    It courses through me. Unstoppable. How can I contain an entity which permeates my very being? It turns me into a monster, green skinned and horrific. The slightest provocation can set me off, turn me into the beast. Let me find beauty. let me find love. I needs the forgiveness. The cleansing.
    Tags: beast, forgiveness , green, jealous, love, poetic
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        allinclusiveholidays  49, Male, California, USA - First entry!
    19
    Jan 2011
    4:30 AM
       

    Hello

    does this work? www.google.com
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