dawn's Journal

Jan 2007
7:40 AM CST

You know i really have no idea what i am doing most days, i don't know if i just have some kind of ticking clock that is telling me it is time to find Mr. right ( not Mr. Right Now and certainly not Mr. Always Right) and get married and settle down or if i have just finally decided to start looking for what i want instead of settling for what i have. Whatever it is the problem still remains that all of this going on while i am still in a relationship and i don't know about the rest of the country or even the world but i am not sure that is how this is supposed to be done. I mean is it ok to shop around while u r with someone? I know that if i am not happy that i am entitled to that but what about my son and the feelings of others where does all that come in. I could reaally use some input, i know what i want, i know that i don't want what i current;y have but that i can't afford a lif e for me and my child while in school if i don't stay with adam but is it really ok to figure all this out whith out him knowing what i am thinking. I have told him many times that i am not happy with the way things are but still...very confused, if there is anyone out there with any advise at all please by all means clue me in here. I am begging at this point...

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Oct 2006
6:04 AM CST

OMG i am aving the worst life. my son is driving me to the point f tears and no one is being very understanding the house is a wrek and al i do is go to work and school and take care of my kid i am sick to death of my life when is it my tuyrn

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Sep 2006
1:53 PM CST

ok so it is becoming increasingly obviuos that my llife is not getting any better on its own, so the questo is now what do i do about. Acting like a rebelious teenager and behaving like i have completely lost my ,ind is obviously not making things better in fact all that is doing is confusing the issue. I really wish i knoew what to do and how to handle the whole i am with u but i love someone else and while i am at hell y not screw whoever i can just for good measure. I understand that i want m own life and i am tired offeeling trapped and tied down and i want some independence and i don't want my identity to be the ones i get from other people but damn i don't think this is the way to go about handling things either. To top it off the more vocal i get about the shit with adam(my boyfriend) in trying to explain ay thing to him the more we fight and argue which in turn makes me want to stay with him even less. So then what is the solution? Well that leaves me in the same place i have been for months..everyone else keeps telling me to just grow some balls and get thehell out but it isn't that easy i have a son and bills and an entire life that has to be considered. Can i really just walk out on my whole life and never look back? Of course not and what about colin and his relationship with his dad? How will it all efect him? I really don't want to loose adam completely i want us to be able to talk and be friends and work together to raise our child, but i just don't think we can do it as a single family unit, i don't think us being together in a relationshipand in the same house is good for our child. please does anyone anywhere have the answers? I am getting desperate here, i'm confused and at my wits end

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dawn's Profile

Username: dawn

Gender / Age: Female, 48

Location: USA

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