title of my life...!

Hola!!!!!!! god, i havent written on here for sooo long, what with running around and someone else always on the computer.... you get the idea.

finally moved house... thats right after 7 months of complaining and bitching about the lack of potential buyers, a couple put us out of our misery and we were free to leave the hellhole and move to sunnier land, well 30 mins up the road anyway. although we put on the pretence of hating the old house, on the actual morning my parents were crying at seeing the place looking empty and abandoned, as we had grown up there and it is where they rememeber their parents , so it had a lot of emoitonal memories contained in its walls. the actual day was quite stressful and me and ben ended u having lunch in the back of the car surrouned by all of our stuff.� walking into our new house was daunting as i could barely remember some of it and had never actually seen all of my parents bedroom, but everything seemed great on the surface. however the way my mum has acted over the last few weeks you might diagree as she spots ever expanding cracks in the walls and ceiling but then this has been THE COLDEST WINTER FOR OVER 30 YEARS. i had barely even thought about the old house until last week when i was in school and i thought 'when i get home i'll have to typr this essay quickly as mu parents will want to go to sleep' forgetting that the computer is no longer in their room, woo hoo, from now on youtube until 3 in the morning :) onlu complaint...my bum is going numb as we are still sitting in deckchairs every night, as there is still a lack of furniture about the place, especially in the lounge.

back to school now and history is ....well history, (woo hoo a pun) , thank god, i dont think i could bare to sit there listening to the boring life story of another politicion for one meow seconds, my brain was already starting to melt. parents evening is always a laugh and this year it did not disappoint. one highlight of the evening...al praise miss pickersgill for being the only� teacher EVER to say that it is ok for me to not talk so much in class. one up for the people who just like to sit the quietly, doodling on their paper, whike everyone else's voice's floating around the room.

big news of the week...I MADE MY FIRST SALE. i feel like a proper little business woman. the senior housemistress is giving me 25 quid to crochet her a scarf like the one i made for myself at xmas. lately i was starting to feel that maybe my dream job was not going to happen as the market is to difficlut but thisjust renewed my faith to the extreme.x

i feel like i could cry at the moment, you know when you get a pressured feeling in your heart and head, like your gonna explode, well thats me.�im so annoyed cos im still trying to desperately drop history and when my form tutor needed to speak to my dad today, surprise surpirse, he was not at his desk and his permission is needed for me to give up history, so this could drag�out for the rest of the week. im getting do pissed- it got to me so much� that last week before a history lecture i got so upset from all the pressure that in a moment of histeria i was trying to smash the car window in while crying. my history teacher is no good either, hes just one of those people that no matter what you say is the problem they go ' well im not worried , i think you'll do fine'. this, for once, is not the answer i wanted to hear, but some good proper adivse, which you clearly suck at dishing out.

we are nearly there with moving house but that is just added pressure and i dont think that this family can take much more. the boiler broke in the week which meant that we had to shower down at my grandmas and when they did fix it , water had started to leak through the ceiling from the loft. please god we will be out of here within the month. i cant stand this house, such there were some good memories but for me they are slightly outweighed by�the bad and miserable ones and we all need a fresh start in brand new surrounding to just calm everyone down and build a better relationship between this family. basically this really is starting to resemble a house made out of cardboard and sticky paster

i can only write quickly cos i have left most of my homework until the last day of the half term- typical really, but i wont do it any other way...

on thursday i went with the rest of the family to�a place next to gilwell park, was surprised to see that it was where i did d of e, and we had about 2 hours of walking aorund which was quite peaceful, except for the fact of mum conplaning about the mud, but she was ok really, kind cute. there were some old people that were flying model aeroplanes as we entered the field and they were really impressive pilots, ben really wanted to have a plane after seeeing that!

on friday i went with dad to pick up booba, who went home today, and we went out to the bluebell, which is my fav resturant as it is and the food was good except i wish i would have had what my dad ordered instead. last night we watched enchanted and i forgot how jokes it was. i mean seriously the prince guy now has no credibility left in his career, he could maybe get a job on the shopping channels.

listening to capital and gotta get back to work now :o

i haven't written on here in a while because i started a proper written book journal, but i dont like it as much, i guess im just a girl who likes her modern techonolgy!

anyway it has just been my birthday, which i got the nicest present from my parents, a beautiful amber necklace from the local jewellery shop- it is amazing. just sent out the invite last night for mine and sahiras party, it should be a good one. sahira has her first driving lesson 2moz, i cant believe it, we are really starting to be seen as adults and have proper independence, saying this i probably wont start my lesson until about february. went over to her house today to sort out the arrangments for the party, well mainly the booze, and i got the most statement pair of shoes i own, they are bright turquoise heels, hmm we'll see if i can match them to anything in my wardrobe, but the are cool. so much fun at sahira, and they had the nicest cake, yum!

bought some new anti frizz hair stuff at boots, but i have basically run out of ideas for any new products to try so i saw this one and thought yeh i'll try it, it cant do any harm.

going in about an hour and a half to see UP at the cinema, supposedly in 3D, have no idea if it will be any good as i dont know anyone that has seen it.

ok well i dont believe in god ,but if i did he would be getting an ass kicking right now cos my back has been in pain for the last week. ive finally given in and am hopefully going to the doctor tomorrow. i just get annoyed cos they always say that there is nothing wrong with me ,but evidently there is otherwise i would not be at the surgery! muppets..... anyways , even with my back in pieces, MY HOUSE WON HOUSE MUSIC!!!! and we did that with 'the circle of life' from the lion king believe it or not. it was actually an amazing night. i didnt really feel nervous until right before we had to go on which was great as i somethimes get stage fright. i couldnt do dome of the moves so well cos of my back but i tried my best and we won- the first event in the 5 years that i have been there, so go astell. i felt really happy for the upper sixth astell girls, as although i may not like all of them, the look of pure happiness on their faces made me in turn really happy. i just hope we do this well again next year.

today i went to the knitting and stitching exhibition at alexandra palace with sahira georgina and her mum and it was a really cool day.� the hall may have been a bit hot and stuffy, funniest things was mums running around with babies strapped to their fronts and the obvious lack of men there. i bought quite a few things which always make me happy , when you go home and lay them all out and go 'ohhhhh it all pretty'� a bit like a 5 year old. took some pics that may help in my textiles work, i hope , but it was an overall good day x x x

today was ok. am notw in the sixth form and am slowing being crushed under the amount of homewokr that is given. i never actually thought that it would be such a step up from gcse years, but it so is. i still feel a bit, kinda blurgh, cos i havent really made anymore propoer close friends. i dont�know...

i have actually statred to count down the days untik half term, 2 weeks�to go! although there is one highlight beforehand- house music, which�i have managed to avoid for the last two, but it is actually really fun, we're doing the circle of life, from the�lion king, and it has really got us hyped up about next year, co sthen it will be my turn to order people around- mwah ha ha.�

went to lily's indulgence�tosay after school with emma and sahira, which was�good�as we havent been out after school fo rages, although we�talked a lot about school�which atilll annoyed me.�

have started�to plan my birthday party. cos�sahira is only 2 days after me we are going�to�have a joint party this year- yippie at her house so it should be a�lauh- fingers crossed x x x�

weight:�136��������� bmi: 24.5

yes, as you can plainly see i am still obsessed wiht my weight, but things are on the bright side. i may not have lost much, but i have grown in height, gaining an extra inch and a half, which in turn bring my bmi down, yippie!

anyway, onto more exciting things- summer! although it is now over and i am back at school it was so much fun cos i went on my holiday to the baltic and it was the BEST HOLIDAY EVER. okay, so it may have been a bit cold, and there wasnt exactly any male eyecandy on board, but hey, it was two weeks of relaxation, which was exactly what me and my family needed. my favourite stop was copenhagen in denmark and i would like to go back there again as it seemed a really nice place to live. the cabin didnt draw as many arguement from the family as it did four years ago, the food was fantasic and the actual sea waves were not too bad, only my brother was sick for two days, while everyone else on board PARTIED! we also spent some of the time trying to avoid some of my parents friends as they were also on another cruise going to some of the same places, so in finland we ran form the ship to the town, sneaking past their ship in port.

the rest of the summer was good aswell. emma had a surprise birthday party that only remained a surprise up until 20 mins before which is a shame but it was such a good party- you try playing weird musical statues while drinking form a glass of wine in your hand :) and the event we had been waiting for all summer, drum roll please..... my gcse results. and i did quite well, no thanks to me doubting myself. to be honest i did worst than i thought, but i cant complain cos i got into 6th form. i got 1 A*, 6 A, 2 B and 1 C, just cos i like writing out my results :/ and priya got the best in the country for ft, which is freaking amazing. i love having a clever friend, besides her being so utterly cute, i can seem clever cos shes my friend with out having any pressure on me- jokes. but i am sooooooooo happy for her :)

already i have been thrown head first in to my work and i went on a trip to whitstable in kent on monday for my textiles course, which was fun, cos i was with sahira for the day, but freezing cos the wind was constantly gale-force. for the rest of the week now the classroom has smell like whitstable and i can tell you it is not a pretty aroma

i will try to write more frequently in this again, so until next time dudes x

i did write the first half of this journal a few days ago but my stupid laptop decided that the second i tried to save it was the moment that it would lose connection with the internet.

so i saw basically saying that it was one of my best friends, nancy's party, and it was as fabulous as ever. it was in the evening at her house and the booze flowed non stop, the chocolate fondue lifted everyone spirits even higher and that night was a complete success. nancy, i cant wait for your next birthday, they so RULE!!!!!

but i also had another party this weekend, which was the usual celebration of a batmitzvah of one of my mums friends daughter, and it was the usual grand event. before we went i was complete dreading it as the girl who i normally sit next to and chat to was up in manchester for the weekend and may only be making it for the last half and hour, and there was no way that i want to be stuck with the batmitzvah girls brother and all his croonies. but for once i was in luck and spend the eventing sitting between 2 rather nice guys :) - oh yeh! one of them is the son of another of my mums friends, and i used to kinda have a crush on him, and the other guy was someone from the shul who i had never met but he was so cute. why the hell had none of my family ever mentioned him before???? i talked non stop, which may have been partly due to the bottle of wine that i downed, but i was so happy. my mum keeps going on about the guy that i met, i'll call him 's' and whether i fancy him, but i dont know. hes really nice and easy to talk to as a friend but i do kind of fancy him a bit... we'll have to wait and see if anything happens. at least i have an excuse to go to shul which i have only been inside a few times before as my brother has some important part in a ceremony in a few weeks. you'll find me in the front row...

now i know what it feels like to be the roast dinner of a house-proud wife. i've been boiling all week due to the weather. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, there are already far too many britons doing that, but the unrelentless heat makes it even more difficult than usual to resist the temptation of just sitting around in my underwear.

when i did decide to get out of the house earlier this week i took the short and sticky bus ride to my booba, whose help and guidence i required to try and figure out how to crochet, a task that has been set by my textiles teacher, as over the summer homework seeing as they cannot bear to think of us at home without any work to enjoy. my heart went all glowy when i found out that booba had gone to the shops to purchase a crochet needle for me. and this is a big achievement, believe me, because she can barely walk. she has passed the age of being able to snowboard and surf, although i highly doubt she did either of those, but she also has problems with her legs that can only be solved by surgery, which she is hoping to get at the end of the year. bless her...

yesterday i got the train to sahiras and as i boarded the epping bound train the very helpful overhead voice informs me that "it is hot" so i should "be carrying a bottle of water" and i in turn think thanks very much, there's not much i can do about it now is there you stupid idiot. anyways i arrived at sahiras red faced as she lives at the top of a hill and i assure you the trek up it really does seperate the boys from the men.�once i got there that day was lovely, we had a barbecue and�the bucks fizz was finished off surprisingly quickly and we moaned in upset and dissappointment after�watching for nearly 3 and�a half hours to see andy murray lose the wimbolden semi- final. i am so watching the final just to see andy roddick crash and�burn against federer. heres hoping...��� :)�

what is the main thing that i always lack when trying to be on a diet? willpower. and why do i not have this? because i have no motovation. well i have now set myself the challenge for getting to 9 stone 7lbs before a can buy�a hair dye lightener, which i really want. this may seem like a really small thing but i am trying to be strict with myself and thought that now i am forbidding myself something that i want, it may just work.

i have been looking on the internet and found a site called everydiet or something like that, and am going to try the 3 day diet. i am embarresed to tell my parents and dont think that they would exactly agree so i can easily do the breakfast and lunch part of the diet as i am the only one at home in the week, but the dinner part may have to change slightly so it may take me longer to lose the weight but if it works then...

yee haa!!!!!

just got back from sahiras house and it was a really fun day. eventhough nancy was also suppose to be there but nobody could get through to her, but it is sometimes nice to spend time with just one friend as this rarely happens.

i lept onto the train, half an hour late and still eyeing up the handsome guy that had been infront of me in the shop and was now on the opposite platform and spent the journey trying to ignore the chavy group of thirteen year old boys, especially the one who had laid across a whole row of seat like it was a sunbed. i hope someone pissed on the seat that he put his ugly mug onto.

we watched two films, the first being role models that i had been waiting forever to see and this was really good and it had 'mclovin' and 'stifler' in- jokes. they are the funniest! well some of the funniest :) then saw nacho libre which wasnt that good as i dont really like jack black- is that right i cant even remember his name, as he seem to play the exact same charcter in every single film! and i seem to be the only person who doesnt find his terrible phyique funny.

i am now lying on my bed trying to find online a site where i can watch lethal weapon as i saw some of it on the tv when i came in but my parents are trying to bore themselves to death by currently watching casualty.

weight: 137�������� bmi:25.1

so there, see i have lost one pound so far and i intend to do some serious exercise next week before i go shopping again because at the moment i am at an inbetween size, 10-12, and it annoys me, so i want to be a perfect 10.

i had so much fun yesterday when i went to convent garden and the west end with nancy and sahira. although i was 20 minutes late and me and nancy had to run for the train, it was a great day. and i finally got some more of the cupcake facemask- IT IS MY LIFESAVER! i feel so happy when i�am with my friends, especially these two as they make me laugh so much and i just feel a warm glow of safety around me. we did the usual round of shops and i found the nicest pair of shoes in my fav colour of the moment- coral, in primark which is a frigging miracle as a havent been in there for agessss as it just pisses me off with all the teenage mother chavs runnning around grabbing things off of the rails. it really irrates me, i mean seriouly and then they moan that it is still not cheap enough- WOT, go out and get� job, lazyass.

moving onto today my parents took me out to the bluebell, which is the best resturant i have been too and seems to be so posh that i sometimes dare to move :)- only kidding. and my mum had this new top on and she did look stunning and then my dad only said that the top was purple not pink, which is a colour that he doesnt like so it upet my mum a bit, but she perked up at the resturant.

i am now streched out on my bed, cos my bum gone numb from sitting so long :) seeing the girlies again tomorrow so should be another fab day

got back from my booba's house yesterday and i think it was the perfect break that i needed form my family and this house. we went out on sunday as a second celebration, all my immediate family and my parents best friends elaine and steve. and , as usual, my dad decides to annoy and upset me infront of them�by picking a subject to talk about �that i have a different opinion about. last time it was nightclub and how "places were less dangerous when� was young" and "the people of today are just hooligans" blah blah, etc� etc. and it really gets to me as i start to argue with him about things. this time it was a tv show that has just started, krod something or another, which is suppose to be a sort of mick take on robin hood. my dad turns around to elaine and starts going " yeh we started watching the new show and i couldnt understand what was going on but elana liked it didnt you" so of course i start arguing that it is not aimed at 46 years old doctor who fanatics but young kids who understand its specific type of humour, and how the hell can he judge it as he spent most of the time asleep on the sofa instead of paying attention.

i think he does this every time just to try and show everyone that HE knows best and if HE doesnt like something then its not wortth anyones elses time. which is completely pathetic as HELLO- we are now in the 21st century and the entertainment business, whehter it be tv, radio, nightclubs, ect are NOT AIMED AT YOU BUT ME AND I LIKE THEM SO F**K OFF.

that is why i needed the time away with my booba so that i could calm down and stop giving my dad evils before he even opens his mouth to say anything. this may sound like a little spoilt girls rant, but the strange thing is that i get on really well with my dad but he is just so stubborn because he is such a tv nerd. and that really needs to change otherwise i will not be going out with their friends again, end of.

i feel really sorry for�my mum when we go out as my dad always practically runs to get the seat next to elaine and my mum always looks left out. im ok as ben talks to me or elaines husband steve speaks to me about the usual stuff of school, music, etc, but my mum gets left out. we went to the harvester once and my dad really made my blood boil as he has been sitting next to elaine talking none stop about tv from the 80s and when they finished the food he turns round to elaine and goes " oh elaine was your meal nice?" COMPLETELY IGNORING MY MUM. so i made the point of asking my mum really loudly how her meal was and continued talking really loudly to her and i hoped that it pised my dad off.

anyway i had a great time with my booba. we went to ilford which i havent been to for about 3 years and swooped straight to the clothes in new look and i got some new tings. i rarely see my booba now and this is a shame because i like to hear about all the old stories from her childhood and about my other ancestors. we stayed up until 2.30 sunday night just talking as i think she feels lonely now living by herself. we stayed up until 12.30 monday might as she showed me all of her old clothes and shoes which i LOVED as i like all of those things from the 50s, they so rock. still wish that i could have been alive then and not now, life would have been so much more lively. my booba said yesterday that one of my late ziddas sayings was that " variety is the spice of life" and he was completely truthful in those words.

weight : 138lb��������� bmi: 25.2

so as you can tell im a little obsessed with my weight. well not exactly my weight, but i dont feel like i look as good as i could and with summer fast approaching, and my first holiday for four years, i need to get that beach body and QUICK. so i thought if i actually keep track of how i am doing i may actually feel guilty instead of just saying 'oh well' and continue to munch my way through another packet of biscuits. is that normal? i mean seriously, i come home and immedialtey head for the kitchen, hand streched out infront of me towards the familiar cupboard containg all the treats. so yeah... just under 10 stone, which some people may think is ok but then again i am only 5ft 2inches tall, so think again.

i� believe tht it is the end of an era as i have just this week finished my gcses which is so freaking good as i am the WORST at revising. i spent most of study leave watching tv. i really hate my housemistress at school as i had to see her yesterday to sign something and she started harrassing me into doing something for sports day and i feel like saying 'no f**k off'. she only care about her favourite pet pupils and it actually makes me sick. well i have the whole summer ahead to completely wipe any school memories from my mind and seeing as when i return some of the people that i hate will have gone,�i think that 6 form is going to be much better. we'll see...

havent done much today as people have been coming and going as they view the house, so i have been completely bored. this morning was histerical though because my mum was out and i was sitting on the sofa and my brother was admiring himself infront of the mirror. my dad shouts downstairs 'wheres the hairbrush' and comes running downstairs and leaps for it when he sees it on the table. at precisely the same time my brother grabs it and the poor old hairbrush had a quick and painless death as it was broken in two. once we had all finished laughing we started to think of the butt kicking that my mum would give too the two men of the house as it was her hairbrush, and my dad vainly tried to sellotape it back tgether again, saying weakly 'do you think she will notice?'